How To Beat Retroactive Jealousy: The #1 Thing You Need To Stop Doing

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by Jeff Billings in Retroactive Jealousy Blog
July 31, 2016
how to handle a girlfriend’s past

If you want reato learn how to beat retroactive jealousy, there is one key thing that you’re probably doing, but need to stop.

Right now. Starting today.

If you quit doing just this one thing, you’ll be taking the first step toward learning how to overcome retroactive jealousy.

And this one thing is — snooping.

Call it a kind of Stage 1 in your retroactive jealousy treatment program.

Sure, there’s a great deal of work that needs to go into learning how to beat retroactive jealousy but eliminating the need to snoop  is the first step.

How To Beat Retroactive Jealousy — Stop Snooping

It can be super tempting while suffering from retroactive jealousy to do things you wouldn’t normally do.

Like go through your partner’s social media accounts, email accounts, and cell phone.

As tempting as it may be to have a dig around their Facebook account, I can stress enough how much of a bad idea this is.

Seeing a picture of, say, your partner draped all over an ex at a house party is not going to help.

Seeing your partner tell a sex-buddy in a message that they’re “wet, naked and waiting” is not going to help.

All snooping does is bring heartache.

It’s a form of self-masochism.

The very thing you “hate” the most, you also have a perverse desire to know as much as you can about.

Deep down you know you don’t really want to find this stuff out, and yet for some reason you can’t help yourself.

Well, this way of thinking needs to stop.

It needs to stop because it’s not doing you, your quest to learn how to beat retroactive jealousy, or your relationship any good at all.


Why Snooping Is So Bad

Bear the following in mind:

Whatever you find out, you won’t be able to get out of your head.

Seeing photos, reading messages, etc. imprints this moment in the past, in your mind.

It makes it feel even more “real” than it did before.

Details about a former relationship or sexual encounter, brings the past roaring back into the present.

Which, of course, is the opposite of what you want.

Once you know these kind of details, I can guarantee you’ll find it extremely difficult to get them out of your head.

This is because in essence, you’ve made the past so much more vivid than it’d have ever been able to be otherwise.

Snooping through a partner’s online accounts is also a bad idea because you’re invading their personal space.

And this isn’t cool.

If you truly respect and trust your partner, you should be able to let them have their privacy.

Plus, if you get found out, this has the potential to be seriously damaging to the relationship.

But don’t just stop at not snooping through personal stuff.

Quit snooping through their exes profiles on social media too.

In short, the less you know, the better.

Why Stopping Snooping Is So Good

Once you’re able to resist the urge to snoop, you’ll have taken a huge step forward in learning how to cure retroactive jealousy.

This is because snooping signals that you’re still consumed by the behaviors associated with retroactive jealousy.

Once you stop, and make a commitment to yourself never to do it again, you’ll have broken part of the chain.

You’ll have stopped a large part of why you’re suffering from retroactive jealousy in the first place.

I like to call it “feeding the monster”. Stop the negative actions like snooping and you’ll no longer be feeding the monster.

Instead you’ll be taking back your self-control.

You’ll be asserting to yourself that this is the “new you” capable of resisting petty jealous emotions.

You’ll no longer be in the grip of your ego, but will be closer to your “true self”.

That part of you that’s not jealous of your partner’s past at all, and never has been.


To learn more practical things you can do right now to learn how to beat retroactive jeaousy, and about the ego and your true self, sign up for my step-by-step course “Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy 101”.


  1. Krissy says:

    I’ve been up most the night thinking about my boyfriend past. I don;t know if I can take this much more.

  2. The Master says:

    I would like to know how long it took you to get over your RJ Jeff?

  3. Cassie says:

    What do I do if my boyfriend is still friends with girls he randomly had sex with. Why do they still matter to him? ?

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