Dealing With A Girlfriend’s Past: 3 Myths You Need To Ignore

Featured In
by Jeff Billings in Retroactive Jealousy Blog
July 29, 2016
dealing with a girlfriend's past

When it comes to dealing with a girlfriend’s past, or trying to get over a wife’s past, there are a certain number of myths that surround it. Below I want to take a look at some of these myths and hopefully clear the air and get a few facts straight so you’re in a better position to deal with it.

1. “The Past Has Made Her Who She Is”

You may have had a friend tell you this, or read it online somewhere, such as on numerous Loveshack forums.

As well-meaning as this platitude is,  it usually does absolutely nothing to help guys in dealing with a girlfriend’s past.

While the past may shape us in many ways, it’s unlikely that the fact we’ve had 40 one-night-stands as opposed to 10 has really “made us who we are” in any significant way.

Likewise, does the fact you maybe once had a threesome, or sex with five women in one weekend, really define you now in any way?

Probably not.

It was just sex. And while sex doesn’t tend to “make us who we are today”, it does tend to torment sufferers of retroactive jealousy.


2. “Talk To Your Girlfriend About Her Past. It Will Help”

No. It won’t.

Dealing with a girlfriend’s past by constantly asking her about it, is probably one of the worst things you can do.

You’ll end up discovering more and more information, enabling your brain to piece together more and more snippets and build a bigger picture of what happened.

The problem is, it doesn’t matter what happened in your girlfriend’s past.

It only matters what happens between you and your girlfriend now in the present.

And finding out more information will only fuel the fire of your retroactive jealousy ocd.

3 “Dealing With A Girlfriend’s Past Will Get Easier With Time. Eventually It’ll Go Away By Itself”

Again, no. It won’t.

I’ve received emails from clients who’ve been dealing with a girlfriend’s past for years. Sometimes decades.

It doesn’t go away simply by thinking about it.

You need to take action. (See what action to take below) Otherwise it’ll just linger on forever.

And even if your relationship with a current girlfriend breaks up, it’ll simply rear its ugly head in your next one.


What do you think? Are there any other nuggets of “wisdom” you think I’ve omitted when it comes to dealing with a girlfriend’s past? Let me know in the comments section below.

To help you take action and get over retroactive jealousy, I have a course, “Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy 101” and a jealousy book, “The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure: How To Stop Being Jealous Of Your Partner’s Past in 12 Steps”.


1 Comment
  1. Samuel Turber says:

    This article was very helpful to me. I know that I am wrong for feeling the way I do; not I cannot help if. We had a big argument about this some 18 months ago. I have been real careful not to bring it up again; but I am still upset about it. I thought about having an affair; but I know that will only make things worse.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *