Retroactive Jealousy Cure: 3 Exercises To Stop Worrying About The Past

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by Jeff Billings in Retroactive Jealousy Blog
May 1, 2017
retroactive jealousy cure

Have you been searching for a retroactive jealousy cure for some time and still haven’t gotten very far?

Don’t worry, I know how hard finding a cure for retroactive jealousy can be because I’ve been there myself…

A few short years ago I was where you maybe are now: endlessly trying to get over retroactive jealousy. And, to be honest, getting nowhere.

My girlfriend’s sexual past used to be the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing when I went to sleep.

All day my mind was bombarded by negative thoughts and emotions about her past that I just couldn’t shake.

(You can read more about retrograde jealousy and how I got the damn thing here.)

However, retroactive jealousy (sometimes known as retrograde jealousy, retrospective jealousy or retroactive jealousy OCD) can affect people in different ways.

Not every retroactive jealousy sufferer cares about their partner’s past sex life like I did.

Some are much more concerned by who their partner once dated and fell in love with.

Casual, no-strings sex is no problem at all in this case — it’s the feelings a partner had for someone else in the past that matters.

In this post, however, I will discuss three forms of retroactive jealousy cure:

Practical exercises that will work whether you’re worried about your partner’s past sexual or romantic experiences.

Here are the three main forms I will be discussing, along with giving an example of each:

  • Retroactive Jealousy Cure #1 – Mind Hack: This involves actively changing the way you think about your partner’s past and reframing it from a negative to a positive.
  • Retroactive Jealousy Cure #2 – Take Practical Actions: There are a number of hands-on, practical exercises you can do every day that will help alleviate retroactive jealousy.
  • Retroactive Jealousy Cure #3 – Quit Certain Actions: And there are also a number of activities that you’re probably indulging in which are simply keeping your retroactive jealousy alive, and so need to be cut.

Overcoming the condition, however, usually requires a combination of all three areas of retroactive jealousy cure, and over a sustained period of time.

So There Is No Instant Retroactive Jealousy Cure?


Unfortunately, no. There is no magic retroactive jealousy cure that will magically make your jealousy go away at the drop of a hat.

You won’t be cured overnight simply by hearing some new advice and thinking your way out of the condition.

Nor will your retroactive jealousy disappear overnight by just doing one practical exercise a couple of times.

Or by cutting out something you’re doing on a daily basis that’s fueling your jealousy.

As I mentioned, getting over the condition requires more than just a single retroactive jealousy cure, but a combination of all three.

As well as a healthy dose of:

  • Action: This is probably the most important ingredient. Your retroactive jealousy isn’t going to go anywhere by itself unless you take action and stick at it.
  • Patience: It probably won’t happen overnight, so be prepared to get stuck in for more than a couple of weeks.
  • Self-belief: It may seem like your retroactive jealousy isn’t going anywhere right now, but don’t give up. It’s not as strong as you think it is.

So let’s dive on in and take a look at an example in each main category of the kind of retroactive jealousy cure you can try.

Retroactive Jealousy Cure #1 – Rewire The Mind


In my book and course, I detail the following mind hack plus many other ways you can train your mind to think about your partner’s past in a more positive light.

As I’ve already mentioned, though, you probably won’t be able to get over retroactive jealousy simply by thinking different thoughts, but mind hacks like this can be extremely useful in two ways:

  • Short-term relief. A mind hack can be called upon at any moment when you feel yourself succumbing to a whirlpool of overthinking about your partner’s past.
  • Long-term rewiring. When used in conjunction with the other mind hacks and retroactive jealousy cures, it is possible to completely change the way you think about your partner’s past.

Here’s an example of a retroactive jealousy cure mind hack for those of you who feel that your partner was a “slut” or “man whore”.

(I will describe the mind hack from a male perspective but it works equally well for women.)

While I spend a great deal of time on this blog and in my book saying that sex is not such a big deal, I understand that this can be a very hard thing to get your head around.

I know this from personal experience.

As much as I wanted to believe that sex is natural and women have just as much right as men to have random sexual experiences, it took me a long, long time to come to terms with it.

Going from being judgmental about sex, to not caring about it so I was easily able to deal with retroactive jealousy, certainly didn’t happen overnight.

But I found the following retroactive jealousy cure mind hack really helped me drop much of my judgment about female sexuality.

It’s quite simple: remember that your boy or girlfriend’s sexual past could’ve been a lot “worse”.

I realize that “worse” implies there was something wrong with it in the first place, but this is not my intention. I’m simply using the word to help you put your partner’s sexual history in perspective.

For example, the cause of my retrospective jealousy was finding out that my girlfriend had slept with five guys in the six months before we met. Three sex-buddies and two one-night-stands.

This drove me crazy, but when I decided to look at her behavior in a different way, my judgment and retroactive jealousy began to lift.

Instead of thinking of her as someone who whipped her clothes off every chance she had, here’s what I chose to focus on instead:

As an attractive girl who by her own admission went out practically every night for six months after breaking up with her boyfriend, she could’ve slept with 100s of men if she’d wanted to.

Every night she went out could’ve probably ended in sex if she’d wanted it to. But it didn’t. Instead, in the vast majority of cases she turned down opportunities for sex whenever they arose.

On the other hand, if I’d just come out of a three-year relationship and had the same comparative sexual opportunities available to me, I’m not so sure I’d have behaved the same way.

Focusing on this shift in mental attitude meant I was able to stop thinking her behavior was “slutty”.

After all, how can someone’s behavior be slutty if they’ve turned down so much more sex than they’ve accepted?

Try the same with your partner. Have a think about all the crazy sex they could’ve had, but didn’t.

And use this as a retroactive jealousy cure mind hack whenever you find yourself overwhelmed by judgment.


Retroactive Jealousy Cure #2 – Take Practical Actions


retroactive jealousy cure

Here’s a super simple practical action you can do right now to help with overcoming retroactive jealousy.

As with mind hacks, these small actions are effective as both a short-term retroactive jealousy cure and a long-term one when used in conjunction with other exercises.

Part of the pain of retroactive jealousy comes from feeling that your partner “prefers” or “still has feelings” for someone in their past.

This is why you still feel threatened by them in the present, even though they’re no longer around.

So here’s what you do: simply put up photos of you and your partner together in various places so you’re reminded of how much they love you throughout the day.

Here are some good places:

  • Your cell phone screensaver
  • Your computer screensaver
  • On a mug
  • A magnet on the fridge
  • A photo above your desk
  • Pictures around the house

Don’t be embarrassed by what other people might think. This is for you, not them. And the one person who does matter — your partner — will probably love it anyway.

While this retroactive jealousy cure may feel too simple to work, it does help.

By constantly seeing pictures of you and your partner in love, you’re reminding your brain to focus on what really matters: the here and now.

And the fact that their attention is on you alone and not still with some random person from the past.

Retroactive Jealousy Cure #3 – Quit Certain Actions



In my book and course, I detail all the actions you’re probably indulging in as a typical retroactive jealousy sufferer that are serving only to keep the condition alive.

However, once these actions are cut out of your daily behavior, your retroactive jealousy will no longer have any “energy” from which to feed.

Here’s one of the most important steps you should take if you want to get over retroactive jealousy:

Stop making sarcastic and passive/aggressive comments.

I understand that many times throughout the day, the urge might arise to snipe at your partner — to make them feel bad with a sarcastic comment about their past.

You feel that by saying something like “Well, we all know how easy you find it to say no” or something, you’ll be putting them in their place.

You want to let them know that you know what they got up to before they met you and that you don’t approve of it.

While on the one hand, you don’t want to start a fight with them, in some way you do.

This is because you hope that during an argument you’ll be able to find out more information about their past and maybe get a few things off your chest in the process.

But wait, stop, take a deep breath…

As you probably are aware, continually getting at your partner for things they did in the past is not the basis of a happy relationship.

Sniping can lead to arguments and an overall deterioration in the quality of your life together.

And even if your comments don’t lead to an argument every time, they’re slowly but surely destroying your relationship from the inside out.

No one likes to be judged or to be made to feel cheap by their partner. Especially over past actions that they don’t even think or care at all about anymore.

And so by continuing to undermine, argue and fight with them, you’re inadvertently driving them away.

Here’s a great way, however, to stop yourself whenever you feel the urge to make a snide comment about your partner’s past:

Remember that all you’re doing is pushing these past events from the back of their mind to the front of their mind.

If you didn’t keep reminding your partner of their past, they probably wouldn’t think about it at all.

But by going on and on about it like a broken record, you’re making the very thing you don’t want to happen, happen: your partner to remember all the people they slept with or were in love with.


retroactive jealousy cure

These three forms of retroactive jealousy cure — mind hacks, taking practical actions and stopping certain actions — should all be used in conjunction with one another.

It takes hard work but if you really want to overcome retroactive jealousy, I strongly recommend applying these three forms of retroactive jealousy cure to your daily routine.

If any of this sounds familiar, then I hope you find comfort in knowing that:

  • You’re not alone — I for one am here to help
  • Dealing with retroactive jealousy is not as hard as it appears right now
  • You CAN stop thinking about the past
  • You WILL stop thinking about the past

The problem is, finding a retroactive jealousy cure is notoriously difficult on your own. But here’s how you can start getting over a girlfriend’s past or boyfriend’s past.

For a full step-by-step action plan involving many more retroactive jealousy cures, check out my best-selling course Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy 101:


I’d be happy to chat with you if you want to discuss the best retroactive jealousy cure for you.

Drop me a line at jeff [at] retroactivejealousycrusher [dot] com any time.



  1. Joseph G says:

    It’s not that I’m judgmental of my girlfriends past relationships, I’m just trying to figure out where I fit in as it relates to her relationship history. When you’re in a relationship with someone who has had numerous past lovers, there is a tendency to want to know how you compare with these other lovers. For me the comparison is not so much about sexual performance or satisfaction, it is more about the idea that each of these past lovers were once people she cared about as much as me at one point of her life, and they all became temporary expendable people in her life, and there is a realization that I am standing in numerous other men’s shoes, trying to figure if I will end up being another of the long line of temporary lovers. I know that all the things that we have done together, she has done with many other men on numerous occasions, and I sit there thinking where am I different from every other man that she has dated, and does she recognize something special about me that separates me from the others. She will tell me that I’m unique, but she has probably fed almost every other man she has been with the same tired line. I know that in every aspect of the relationship there has been someone who did that better than me. If a woman has been with many, many other men, there is very little I can offer to her that she had not already experience with someone else, and someone (not the same person), but someone did it better than me. There is someone was a better lover than me, who had a bigger penis, someone else who was better looking than me, another guy who was funnier than me, someone else who was smarter than me, a guy she dated who was more successful, or made more money than me, and the list goes on and on, and it is not that I’m necessarily deficient in any category per se, but I am rarely the best in any one category, so I have in her eyes, enough of the enoughs, and what I end up being is the compromise choice. Regardless of what she tells me her feelings are for me, I can see the disappointment in her eyes that I do not quite measure up to someone in her past she shared something we do together. A strong sense of inadequancy sweeps over me when that realization hits because deep down I want to be much more to the woman I love than just a compromise, but the woman wants to marry me anyway because I can offer her security and stability. In the end, I know I am much more than simply a compromise, but it will never be felt by her because her past relationships have spoiled her from appreciating what makes me really special.

    1. Anonymous says:

      This is something that I need help with urgently because my current mental state is about to ruin the best thing in my life rn, which is my ‘relationship’ (we are currently not together but are going through almost a ‘trial period’ where we are going to see whether we can fix things or not) with my girlfriend. I feel as though whatever happens I will never be happy because of my mental health. I want to be with my girlfriend more than anything and we get on really well when things are good. I feel as though there will never be anyone who ever comes close to her. I don’t even wanna imagine myself with someone else because honestly the feelings I have for this girl are indescribable. She is my best friend and she’s my everything but I am struggling so so much mentally and have been for a long time and now I am desperate for help. I definitely have some underlying mental problems because some of the thoughts I have I know for a fact I shouldn’t be having. I don’t want any advice telling me that I just need to leave or both of us should accept that it needs to be over because honestly that is not an option for me. I NEED this girl. She’s fucking amazing so please just try and help. So yeah about 18 months ago I started talking to my now ‘girlfriend’ she had just come out of a really really toxic relationship and it really damaged her. For me, I was a virgin and honestly I think this is a massive part of the reason I feel the way I do at times – because I can’t relate. She had had all of her confidence and self worth taken from her and the truth is she was craving male attention. I think at the time I was one of at least 5 boys she was talking to. Now no one is in a position to judge this because no one knows what was going on in her head. She really needed to build back up her self worth and self esteem, as a very attractive girl having lots of lads after you must be very good for this sort of thing. As we started to see eachother more one thing led to another and we had sex for the first time. There were no emotions there, neither of us knew what was going to come from it and we weren’t in a relationship at that point. It wasn’t until a week or so after that she told me that she had had a one night stand with a black bloke (I say bloke because he was 6/7 years older than her at the time – she was 18) the week before. The only reason I mention that he is black is because it just plays on my mind at times that he couldn’t be more different to me. That makes me paranoid that maybe I’m not what she wants or whatever. At the time it didnt bother me, I wasn’t in love with her (I mean I was close but we weren’t in a relationship so I couldn’t exactly be hurt) but as time went on and I grew to really fall in love with this girl it began to hurt. And hurt even more. To the point where I’d be thinking about this on a daily basis. When I think about it it’s like I’m having an anxiety attack and I never knew what that was really until I started doing some research into mental health and realised that anytime I would think about this it was like my whole world was ending. I play out little scenarios in my head, imagine him fucking her so good, so much better than I can. And her enjoying it so much and being so turned on by him. These thoughts are so fucjed up and I know they are just not normal. I fucking hate this bloke, I feel like he completely took advantage of her, she was near enough passed out drunk (so she says), 8 years younger than him and he knew that she had just come out of a long term abusive relationship. He didn’t even wear protection and he finished inside of her, I know that isn’t necessarily his fault but if she was as drunk as she said she was then this guy is fucking disgusting for doing that. He even went and told everyone what a ‘shit shag’ it was, I want to do some serious damage to this bloke and this is 18 months on. He showed zero respect for her and I hate him. I care so much about this girl and the thought of someone taking advantage of her like that and making her seem so easily makes me sick to the stomach. I hate the thought of her making a name for herself and seeming like a ‘slut’ because I know that’s really not what she is. The fact is that 66% of girls have had AT LEAST one night stands. 2 in every 3 girls. And she’s only slept with 3 people (including me). (She has sucked a fair number of boys off tho and she also told me a story once about giving a blowjob in a pub toilet where loads of people saw and that’s something that really troubles me too for the same reasons). But why does it bother me so much? Am I maybe too immature? Is it because it’s my first relationship? Because I lost my virginity to her so have different opinions on sex? But then again if someone offered me sex before I knew her I wouldn’t have turned it down if I was attracted to them. Maybe it’s because I can’t deal with the fact that this girl can find other men attractive? Maybe I’m too insecure? I do get incredibly jealous and paranoid and it makes me toxic, I don’t like her liking other boys pictures and stuff. I suffer really bad mood swings. I can be sat on my own tearing up because I miss her so much and am so in love and then I’ll let the stupid part of my brain feed a horrible thought into my head and that’ll be it, I’ll be absolutely fuming and I’ll say something to try and get a reaction off of her that I instantly regret. I need serious help with it all. Or she could say the tiniest little thing I disagree with and I’ll spiral out of control and we’ll have a massive argument because of it. I’ll let my paranoia get the better of me and then I take it out on her and I push her away. We have began to spend hardly any time together and honestly this is the main reason we are so bad atm. I think we both want this relationship (I know I certainly do) but she wants to feel more loved and appreciated and I don’t blame her. The trouble is that these thoughts make me cause arguments that make us drift apart and then we don’t see much of eachother. So yeah, this retroactive jealousy is indirectly the route of our problems. I really need some help in changing the way I think. I really want to be able to turn these negative thoughts into a possible. I’ve tried to tell myself that her past is the reason she’s the girl she is today – the exact girl I’m madly in love with. I’ve tried telling myself that doing what she did made her happy, made her feel worthy and had she not slept with this guy she probably wouldn’t have been able to get over her ex and we wouldn’t have ever been able to get together. Maybe I would’ve just been the guy who was just the sex instead. If she wasn’t how she was before we met then the sex wouldn’t be so good. Sex is absolutely amazing. All my fantasies and everything are well and truly full filled. It’s not only my first girlfriend but also the girl I lost my virginity but I don’t want sex with anyone else. Ever. The sex is perfect. Maybe that is why my opinion is the way it is tho. I need to learn to put myself in her shoes. She didn’t even do anything ‘wrong’ so why do I beat myself up so much because of it? I have to sort myself out because I’m so in love with her. She makes me so happy. It’s my own insecurities that have made us the way we are, she has been loyal to me since we put a label on it. I know this isn’t normal and I know I’ll probably just be called immature but I would really appreciate any genuine advise that could help me to help our relationship here. My thoughts change so much and depending on what mood I am in it can either be something I can completely forget about or something that makes me feel like the world is coming to an end. I am only just writing this on here now because my relationship is as good as done and it’s mainly down to my mental health. I don’t feel as though I communicate to her enough but I don’t talk to her about these thoughts because it’s not fair on her and in the past I have purposefully tried to make her feel guilty for what she did which is absolutely not for me to do. She did what she wanted to do at the time. So talking to her isn’t really an option anymore. Just please someone help me here, I know this isn’t something that is going to go away over night but I’m in a really dark place and would really appreciate some help. Thank you for taking the time to read all of this.

  2. Dan says:

    Joseph, you’ve summed up to perfection my feelings also. Thank you very much for writing this. It’s articulate and so accurate and you’ve made me feel so much better about my current situation as I feel I’m not alone and I can overcome it. All the best and thanks again

  3. Blair says:


    I purchased your online book awhile ago and have now changed computer and lost my old copy, could you please send me another copy?

    Kind regards


  4. Blair Pratt says:


    I purchased your online book awhile ago and have now changed computer and lost my old copy, could you please send me another copy?

    Kind regards


  5. Aiso says:

    I just want to break up. I know, not just her but I myself will be broken but it’s hard, really really hard to get past the past of someone I have waited patiently for all my life!

  6. Annon says:

    Any advice for the person having to deal with this on a daily basis? Slowly realizing they will never trust you. Feeling like you can not be youre true self incase it triggers them. Constant requests to reassure them via any platform. Feeling suffacated and withdrawing from them more and more. Having no time or space to do what you want to do. Feelings of control. Its horrible.

  7. Annon says:

    Thank youfor you’re rsponse but i think you have missunderstood. I am on the other side of a person who has now destroyed what could’ve been happy and positive. I do not suffer with this condition.

  8. Gigi A. says:

    Hi. Ive been with my bf for over a year now. Everything was fine until we decided it was time to meet our families. I suddenly had so many movies playing out in my head. And im slowly losing my mind tbh. Because everything seems to be a trigger these days. He is mindful of my thoughts and has been very understanding. I feel like im being unfair to him by being this way and not letting him move on because he chooses to be with me. Ive tried several things but I cant seem to get over it. I keep comparing and prying which i know is unhealthy. I want this rs to work for the both of us and it has to start with me accepting what is done is done. Ive even consulted with a therapist. Maybe im expecting things to move along quicker. Can you love someone truly if you are struggling with this?

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  10. Matt says:

    I would begin by saying that I am unclear if I have a clear-cut case of retroactive jealousy. I have had long-term relationships and indeed a marriage where I was friends with my girlfriends’ or wife’s former partners. I now find myself however in an otherwise wonderful, post-divorce relationship spending days filled with animosity about my new partner’s past.
    The twist on the scenario is that my wife’s cheating lead to our divorce. My new partner’s history involved marrying young but having a number of extra-marital affairs: those relationships are the one’s that affect me as again I am on good terms with her ex-husband and the father to her children.
    I know these relationships are the past but perhaps it is the nature of unfaithful people but some of the men involved have texted her during our relationship clearly looking for a “booty call”: this makes it very much the present to me. My partner also describes some of the relationships as special to her -including two highly unethical relationships with college students – which quite frankly disgusts me given she had a loyal husband and three children and was in a position of pastoral responsibility (professor).
    I find myself rather stuck in a cycle of weeks of an amazing relationship then receiving a stimulus – a comment, a text to my partner (which she tells me about), a comment from her children about a past circumstance when not knowing where their mother actually was – which sets me into days of a dark mood. I cannot stop thinking about those past relationships, what they mean about my partner. After a few days, I miss the closeness with my partner and we return to normal. But I cannot continue the cycling and I do consider walking out on the relationship to get away from it.
    I do not want to talk to my partner about it any more, somewhat not to upset her but also because of past half-truths she has told me. I cannot talk to my friends and family because of their blanket disapproval of unfaithful people.

  11. Luke says:

    I need help this is really messing me up constantly and I dont know why.
    I know it is so dumb but i cant get over it

    1. Dre says:

      It is nice to know it is not just me, I have been struggling with this for five + years and it’s coming to a head relationship wise, my wife has called me out on it and informed me she cannot continue living like this something needs to change.

      We met young and moved in with each other too early. My wife (gf at the time) broke things off, I was obviously very sad but also excited to meet other people. Fast forward a year after the break up my wife (Ex at the time) calls me and we up seeing each other again. I told her I didn’t want to know what had happen during this time apart (partner wise) and after a while we move back, buy a house have kids…..

      I find out many years later that she had have two casual ish relationships during this time, I did not. This destroyed me, more than I thought it would. One of whom we hung out with a number of times when we first got back together(everyone in the group knew about it apart from me, this also destroys me and makes me feel like a fool).

      I know had strong feelings for her during the break, but I don’t know if they were as strong as I make out to make her feel guilty (which as I write this makes me feel shame). Everyone I talk to says I am not justified to feel this way, which is true, but I can’t shake the I loved her first and she choose these casual relationships over us attitude.

      I often think well maybe I should go out and try to meet someone to build back some self respect that I didn’t meet anyone during the break up, but we have kids and it is not in my personality.

      I often thing about tackling the problem, but have the thought that if I get over it I am forgiving her (not that she needs forgivenesses anyway) or that I am ok with what had transpired.

      It is madden and destroying my life.

  12. Stephen says:

    My girlfriend is significantly younger than I am (25 years). I have plenty of experiences and I know she is satisfied sexually. However, I know there are things that she has experienced that I have no experience in. But she says she doesn’t care about that. I also have mental issues with her having multiple boyfriends and an ex husband of another race. Maybe I’m just old fashioned and out of date, but it bothers me significantly and I keep imagining her with men of that race. She says she loves me like she’s never loved before, but I keep reverting to those thoughts. If I keep this up, I’ll drive her away and I don’t want that to happen. But my mind won’t let things just go away. I need help.

  13. ANONYMOUS says:

    I was with my partner for 6 years, I split up with him because I was unhappy, he was nothing but loyal and amazing to me, I broke his heart. After 4 months of us not being together he had a 1 night stand with a girl. Me and him are both back together now and happier than ever. I just can’t stop thinking about this 1 night stand he had when we weren’t together. We don’t have pasts as we got together very young. I just can’t stop visualising things, I wake up thinking about it and go to sleep thinking about it. I also had a sexual toes to shoo whilst we weren’t together so we are both in the same position. I’m comparing myself constantly to her, getting into deep thought trying to picture what happened and making up scenarios in my head. I bring it up to him all the time, he’s answered all my questions and been 100% honest so why do I feel like this? I know it meant nothing? I broke his heart and he thought I would never get back with him so he tried to move on and it didn’t work, so why am I so indulged in it? Why am I so bothered, I don’t want my thoughts to ruin our relationship, how do I stop thinking about it all the time

  14. Virginia says:

    I have always obsessed about my partner’s exes. I’m married now and I am really struggling with stopping this way of thinking and obsessing. I find myself wanting to actually view videos and photos of my husband’s ex wife like I’m carrying her with us in our relationship. He doesn’t even think about her unless I bring it up! What am I trying to prove or find? This commentary IS me. Please help! God knows I’m trying. I feel like a crazy person! I have it together in so many ways but when it comes to this I am
    basically giving it my joy and peace with nothing in return but an empty, gross feeling. I want it to stop, like 10 years ago. I thought it would with marriage but as I feared, the problem is in my head. Please help!

  15. Tumi says:

    Hey Jeff I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now and when we first started dating,I wasn’t really into him and I didn’t want him anywhere near me,we weren’t even having sex at that time but I was having sex with other people whom I had feelings for and I didn’t feel bad then we broke up for 2 months and then we got back together and this one time he told me that while we were dating in the beginning he was sleeping with his ex who is very ugly and Whom he was using for sex only so this one time in the beginning of our relationship she had sent him a message saying that she didn’t feel intimidated by me cause he fucks her and she was proud although I have forgiven him but now I still picture them having sex whenever I’m not around him and I haven’t seen him in 2 months and it’s because of this Lockdown so everyday I picture them having sex and it hurts a lot

  16. Jedd K says:

    Email me on but all these strategies make it so much worse for me. I hate that it happened and scum bags had her first. Ive been to so many specialists over this. I’ve taken my life before and was saved but it’s eating me. Please help.. no rush hah

  17. Siara Neris says:

    I’m at a young age (17) and experiencing this really deep pain that’s destroying me. I am in need of help to get over this.

  18. Siara Neris says:

    Hey Jeff I’ve been dating my bf for a year and I can’t get over his past. He had a lot more lovers than I did and I constantly imagine the past hookups he’s had. It’s starting to tear our relationship apart and I’ve been begging for a break but he says we need to work together to get past it. I don’t know what to do but this pain hurts me so bad. I already have a lot of anxiety and now it’s really bad. I’ve been trying for about a month now to get rid of the pain, which has been ongoing for maybe 3 months. I don’t know what else to try and I’m just getting worse. Please help me, I’m confused and lost.

  19. abby says:

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months now and I love him a lot. I knew before we started dating that he had slept with 9 other people and to me (who has slept only with one other person and it was a awful mistake because I wanted to lose my virginity), that was a lottt of people. I thought I’d get over it but I can’t. I compare myself to the ones I know of and want to know who else he has slept with but am too afraid to find out bc it might drive me crazier. All but 2 of the girls were one night stands but it makes my blood boil constantly thinking about his past and I’m afraid I’m pushing him away. I’m constantly looking at these girls’ social media’s and checking if he’s liked their photos. I feel awful for being so insecure but I don’t know what to do! Any advice? :/

  20. anonymous says:

    my girlfriend has only slept with 1 person other than me. and only sent a nude of her breasts to one person freshman year of highschool. she’s been very open to me and understanding and helpful about it, and has told me she never enjoyed sex with her last partner, and didn’t want to do it. she was made to do it and she only agreed sometimes just to not make him mad. she’s very trustworthy and i believe everything. she would never lie to me. but somehow it is still killing me, the thought almost never leaves my mind. i need help

  21. Mike says:

    I’m just glad to know there are other people in my shoes. If you’re commenting here at least you know you’ve accepted that you have a problem. My past is much more “colorful” than my partners and yet I still let it eat me alive at times. I was in two long term relationships before her and these feelings never really came on too strong, but with her I keep holding myself to an even higher standard comparing myself to everyone and even though I know I’m the most stable relationship she’s had I still second guess myself constantly. With other girls in my past I could talk to them about specific sexual encounters and not care but with her if I even here a guys name it feels like my heart is shattering and then I get mad at myself for being upset. Reading everyone’s stories here helps! Stay strong everyone would love some tips or comments if anyone has some suggestions!

  22. Exhausted says:

    Knowing I’m not alone in this provides a little relief .
    However I’ve been dealing with this for 3 years .
    I feel like I’m losing my mind . These irrational thoughts feel very real to me and make my heart race and fill me with extreme anxiety .

    I get very mad at him . I feel it’s His job to make me feel better and reassure me that I am special to him.

    I feel he’s given the best part of himself away to other women and I get the leftovers .

    How many people can you truly care about and love until it just all means nothing ?

    I don’t want to end up alone but I fear that’s where I’m headed .

    Im exhausted

  23. Tony says:

    I have been married to my wife for seven years and there is one relationship in her past that is destroying our marriage. She is use to date someone twice her age and wanted to have kids with this guy. The older guy was broke and ugly, my logical brain is unable to comprehend why someone would do that. To make matters worse my wife’s family was completely okay with her dating this guy and was no big deal.

  24. PAUL JOHNSON says:

    I feel I’m becoming a recluse & questioning my every thought & action.
    This retroactive jealousy has blighted my life more & more.
    It’s like a puzzle I just can’t solve.

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