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Retroactive Jealousy Cure: 3 Exercises To Stop Worrying About The Past

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by Jeff Billings in Retroactive Jealousy Blog
May 1, 2017
retroactive jealousy cure

Have you been searching for a retroactive jealousy cure for some time and still haven’t gotten very far?

Don’t worry, I know how hard finding a cure for retroactive jealousy can be because I’ve been there myself…

A few short years ago I was where you maybe are now: endlessly trying to get over retroactive jealousy. And, to be honest, getting nowhere.

My girlfriend’s sexual past used to be the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing when I went to sleep.

All day my mind was bombarded by negative thoughts and emotions about her past that I just couldn’t shake.

(You can read more about retrograde jealousy and how I got the damn thing here.)

However, retroactive jealousy (sometimes known as retrograde jealousy, retrospective jealousy or retroactive jealousy OCD) can affect people in different ways.

Not every retroactive jealousy sufferer cares about their partner’s past sex life like I did.

Some are much more concerned by who their partner once dated and fell in love with.

Casual, no-strings sex is no problem at all in this case — it’s the feelings a partner had for someone else in the past that matters.

In this post, however, I will discuss three forms of retroactive jealousy cure:

Practical exercises that will work whether you’re worried about your partner’s past sexual or romantic experiences.

Here are the three main forms I will be discussing, along with giving an example of each:

  • Retroactive Jealousy Cure #1 – Mind Hack: This involves actively changing the way you think about your partner’s past and reframing it from a negative to a positive.
  • Retroactive Jealousy Cure #2 – Take Practical Actions: There are a number of hands-on, practical exercises you can do every day that will help alleviate retroactive jealousy.
  • Retroactive Jealousy Cure #3 – Quit Certain Actions: And there are also a number of activities that you’re probably indulging in which are simply keeping your retroactive jealousy alive, and so need to be cut.

Overcoming the condition, however, usually requires a combination of all three areas of retroactive jealousy cure, and over a sustained period of time.

So There Is No Instant Retroactive Jealousy Cure?


Unfortunately, no. There is no magic retroactive jealousy cure that will magically make your jealousy go away at the drop of a hat.

You won’t be cured overnight simply by hearing some new advice and thinking your way out of the condition.

Nor will your retroactive jealousy disappear overnight by just doing one practical exercise a couple of times.

Or by cutting out something you’re doing on a daily basis that’s fueling your jealousy.

As I mentioned, getting over the condition requires more than just a single retroactive jealousy cure, but a combination of all three.

As well as a healthy dose of:

  • Action: This is probably the most important ingredient. Your retroactive jealousy isn’t going to go anywhere by itself unless you take action and stick at it.
  • Patience: It probably won’t happen overnight, so be prepared to get stuck in for more than a couple of weeks.
  • Self-belief: It may seem like your retroactive jealousy isn’t going anywhere right now, but don’t give up. It’s not as strong as you think it is.

So let’s dive on in and take a look at an example in each main category of the kind of retroactive jealousy cure you can try.

Retroactive Jealousy Cure #1 – Rewire The Mind


In my book and course, I detail the following mind hack plus many other ways you can train your mind to think about your partner’s past in a more positive light.

As I’ve already mentioned, though, you probably won’t be able to get over retroactive jealousy simply by thinking different thoughts, but mind hacks like this can be extremely useful in two ways:

  • Short-term relief. A mind hack can be called upon at any moment when you feel yourself succumbing to a whirlpool of overthinking about your partner’s past.
  • Long-term rewiring. When used in conjunction with the other mind hacks and retroactive jealousy cures, it is possible to completely change the way you think about your partner’s past.

Here’s an example of a retroactive jealousy cure mind hack for those of you who feel that your partner was a “slut” or “man whore”.

(I will describe the mind hack from a male perspective but it works equally well for women.)

While I spend a great deal of time on this blog and in my book saying that sex is not such a big deal, I understand that this can be a very hard thing to get your head around.

I know this from personal experience.

As much as I wanted to believe that sex is natural and women have just as much right as men to have random sexual experiences, it took me a long, long time to come to terms with it.

Going from being judgmental about sex, to not caring about it so I was easily able to deal with retroactive jealousy, certainly didn’t happen overnight.

But I found the following retroactive jealousy cure mind hack really helped me drop much of my judgment about female sexuality.

It’s quite simple: remember that your boy or girlfriend’s sexual past could’ve been a lot “worse”.

I realize that “worse” implies there was something wrong with it in the first place, but this is not my intention. I’m simply using the word to help you put your partner’s sexual history in perspective.

For example, the cause of my retrospective jealousy was finding out that my girlfriend had slept with five guys in the six months before we met. Three sex-buddies and two one-night-stands.

This drove me crazy, but when I decided to look at her behavior in a different way, my judgment and retroactive jealousy began to lift.

Instead of thinking of her as someone who whipped her clothes off every chance she had, here’s what I chose to focus on instead:

As an attractive girl who by her own admission went out practically every night for six months after breaking up with her boyfriend, she could’ve slept with 100s of men if she’d wanted to.

Every night she went out could’ve probably ended in sex if she’d wanted it to. But it didn’t. Instead, in the vast majority of cases she turned down opportunities for sex whenever they arose.

On the other hand, if I’d just come out of a three-year relationship and had the same comparative sexual opportunities available to me, I’m not so sure I’d have behaved the same way.

Focusing on this shift in mental attitude meant I was able to stop thinking her behavior was “slutty”.

After all, how can someone’s behavior be slutty if they’ve turned down so much more sex than they’ve accepted?

Try the same with your partner. Have a think about all the crazy sex they could’ve had, but didn’t.

And use this as a retroactive jealousy cure mind hack whenever you find yourself overwhelmed by judgment.


Retroactive Jealousy Cure #2 – Take Practical Actions


retroactive jealousy cure

Here’s a super simple practical action you can do right now to help with overcoming retroactive jealousy.

As with mind hacks, these small actions are effective as both a short-term retroactive jealousy cure and a long-term one when used in conjunction with other exercises.

Part of the pain of retroactive jealousy comes from feeling that your partner “prefers” or “still has feelings” for someone in their past.

This is why you still feel threatened by them in the present, even though they’re no longer around.

So here’s what you do: simply put up photos of you and your partner together in various places so you’re reminded of how much they love you throughout the day.

Here are some good places:

  • Your cell phone screensaver
  • Your computer screensaver
  • On a mug
  • A magnet on the fridge
  • A photo above your desk
  • Pictures around the house

Don’t be embarrassed by what other people might think. This is for you, not them. And the one person who does matter — your partner — will probably love it anyway.

While this retroactive jealousy cure may feel too simple to work, it does help.

By constantly seeing pictures of you and your partner in love, you’re reminding your brain to focus on what really matters: the here and now.

And the fact that their attention is on you alone and not still with some random person from the past.

Retroactive Jealousy Cure #3 – Quit Certain Actions



In my book and course, I detail all the actions you’re probably indulging in as a typical retroactive jealousy sufferer that are serving only to keep the condition alive.

However, once these actions are cut out of your daily behavior, your retroactive jealousy will no longer have any “energy” from which to feed.

Here’s one of the most important steps you should take if you want to get over retroactive jealousy:

Stop making sarcastic and passive/aggressive comments.

I understand that many times throughout the day, the urge might arise to snipe at your partner — to make them feel bad with a sarcastic comment about their past.

You feel that by saying something like “Well, we all know how easy you find it to say no” or something, you’ll be putting them in their place.

You want to let them know that you know what they got up to before they met you and that you don’t approve of it.

While on the one hand, you don’t want to start a fight with them, in some way you do.

This is because you hope that during an argument you’ll be able to find out more information about their past and maybe get a few things off your chest in the process.

But wait, stop, take a deep breath…

As you probably are aware, continually getting at your partner for things they did in the past is not the basis of a happy relationship.

Sniping can lead to arguments and an overall deterioration in the quality of your life together.

And even if your comments don’t lead to an argument every time, they’re slowly but surely destroying your relationship from the inside out.

No one likes to be judged or to be made to feel cheap by their partner. Especially over past actions that they don’t even think or care at all about anymore.

And so by continuing to undermine, argue and fight with them, you’re inadvertently driving them away.

Here’s a great way, however, to stop yourself whenever you feel the urge to make a snide comment about your partner’s past:

Remember that all you’re doing is pushing these past events from the back of their mind to the front of their mind.

If you didn’t keep reminding your partner of their past, they probably wouldn’t think about it at all.

But by going on and on about it like a broken record, you’re making the very thing you don’t want to happen, happen: your partner to remember all the people they slept with or were in love with.


retroactive jealousy cure

These three forms of retroactive jealousy cure — mind hacks, taking practical actions and stopping certain actions — should all be used in conjunction with one another.

It takes hard work but if you really want to overcome retroactive jealousy, I strongly recommend applying these three forms of retroactive jealousy cure to your daily routine.

If any of this sounds familiar, then I hope you find comfort in knowing that:

  • You’re not alone — I for one am here to help
  • Dealing with retroactive jealousy is not as hard as it appears right now
  • You CAN stop thinking about the past
  • You WILL stop thinking about the past

The problem is, finding a retroactive jealousy cure is notoriously difficult on your own. But here’s how you can start getting over a girlfriend’s past or boyfriend’s past.

For a full step-by-step action plan involving many more retroactive jealousy cures, check out my best-selling course Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy 101:


I’d be happy to chat with you if you want to discuss the best retroactive jealousy cure for you.

Drop me a line at jeff [at] retroactivejealousycrusher [dot] com any time.



  1. Joseph G says:

    It’s not that I’m judgmental of my girlfriends past relationships, I’m just trying to figure out where I fit in as it relates to her relationship history. When you’re in a relationship with someone who has had numerous past lovers, there is a tendency to want to know how you compare with these other lovers. For me the comparison is not so much about sexual performance or satisfaction, it is more about the idea that each of these past lovers were once people she cared about as much as me at one point of her life, and they all became temporary expendable people in her life, and there is a realization that I am standing in numerous other men’s shoes, trying to figure if I will end up being another of the long line of temporary lovers. I know that all the things that we have done together, she has done with many other men on numerous occasions, and I sit there thinking where am I different from every other man that she has dated, and does she recognize something special about me that separates me from the others. She will tell me that I’m unique, but she has probably fed almost every other man she has been with the same tired line. I know that in every aspect of the relationship there has been someone who did that better than me. If a woman has been with many, many other men, there is very little I can offer to her that she had not already experience with someone else, and someone (not the same person), but someone did it better than me. There is someone was a better lover than me, who had a bigger penis, someone else who was better looking than me, another guy who was funnier than me, someone else who was smarter than me, a guy she dated who was more successful, or made more money than me, and the list goes on and on, and it is not that I’m necessarily deficient in any category per se, but I am rarely the best in any one category, so I have in her eyes, enough of the enoughs, and what I end up being is the compromise choice. Regardless of what she tells me her feelings are for me, I can see the disappointment in her eyes that I do not quite measure up to someone in her past she shared something we do together. A strong sense of inadequancy sweeps over me when that realization hits because deep down I want to be much more to the woman I love than just a compromise, but the woman wants to marry me anyway because I can offer her security and stability. In the end, I know I am much more than simply a compromise, but it will never be felt by her because her past relationships have spoiled her from appreciating what makes me really special.

  2. Dan says:

    Joseph, you’ve summed up to perfection my feelings also. Thank you very much for writing this. It’s articulate and so accurate and you’ve made me feel so much better about my current situation as I feel I’m not alone and I can overcome it. All the best and thanks again

  3. Blair says:


    I purchased your online book awhile ago and have now changed computer and lost my old copy, could you please send me another copy?

    Kind regards


  4. Blair Pratt says:


    I purchased your online book awhile ago and have now changed computer and lost my old copy, could you please send me another copy?

    Kind regards


  5. Aiso says:

    I just want to break up. I know, not just her but I myself will be broken but it’s hard, really really hard to get past the past of someone I have waited patiently for all my life!

  6. Annon says:

    Any advice for the person having to deal with this on a daily basis? Slowly realizing they will never trust you. Feeling like you can not be youre true self incase it triggers them. Constant requests to reassure them via any platform. Feeling suffacated and withdrawing from them more and more. Having no time or space to do what you want to do. Feelings of control. Its horrible.

  7. Annon says:

    Thank youfor you’re rsponse but i think you have missunderstood. I am on the other side of a person who has now destroyed what could’ve been happy and positive. I do not suffer with this condition.

  8. Gigi A. says:

    Hi. Ive been with my bf for over a year now. Everything was fine until we decided it was time to meet our families. I suddenly had so many movies playing out in my head. And im slowly losing my mind tbh. Because everything seems to be a trigger these days. He is mindful of my thoughts and has been very understanding. I feel like im being unfair to him by being this way and not letting him move on because he chooses to be with me. Ive tried several things but I cant seem to get over it. I keep comparing and prying which i know is unhealthy. I want this rs to work for the both of us and it has to start with me accepting what is done is done. Ive even consulted with a therapist. Maybe im expecting things to move along quicker. Can you love someone truly if you are struggling with this?

  9. sofia sofia says:

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  10. Matt says:

    I would begin by saying that I am unclear if I have a clear-cut case of retroactive jealousy. I have had long-term relationships and indeed a marriage where I was friends with my girlfriends’ or wife’s former partners. I now find myself however in an otherwise wonderful, post-divorce relationship spending days filled with animosity about my new partner’s past.
    The twist on the scenario is that my wife’s cheating lead to our divorce. My new partner’s history involved marrying young but having a number of extra-marital affairs: those relationships are the one’s that affect me as again I am on good terms with her ex-husband and the father to her children.
    I know these relationships are the past but perhaps it is the nature of unfaithful people but some of the men involved have texted her during our relationship clearly looking for a “booty call”: this makes it very much the present to me. My partner also describes some of the relationships as special to her -including two highly unethical relationships with college students – which quite frankly disgusts me given she had a loyal husband and three children and was in a position of pastoral responsibility (professor).
    I find myself rather stuck in a cycle of weeks of an amazing relationship then receiving a stimulus – a comment, a text to my partner (which she tells me about), a comment from her children about a past circumstance when not knowing where their mother actually was – which sets me into days of a dark mood. I cannot stop thinking about those past relationships, what they mean about my partner. After a few days, I miss the closeness with my partner and we return to normal. But I cannot continue the cycling and I do consider walking out on the relationship to get away from it.
    I do not want to talk to my partner about it any more, somewhat not to upset her but also because of past half-truths she has told me. I cannot talk to my friends and family because of their blanket disapproval of unfaithful people.

  11. Luke says:

    I need help this is really messing me up constantly and I dont know why.
    I know it is so dumb but i cant get over it

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