Your Girlfriend's Sexual Past

Why It Bothers You & What You Can Do About It

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by Jeff Billings in Retroactive Jealousy Blog
August 2, 2014
Girlfriends Sexual Past

So, your girlfriend’s sexual past is driving you crazy…

All you can do is think about what she did with some guy(s) in the past. Your mind is full of negative images and emotions about your girlfriend’s sexual past but you have no clue how to get over it.

Sound familiar?

Often (in fact, very often) a girlfriend’s sexual past isn’t even that promiscuous in the first place.

Guys are constantly emailing me to say, “My girlfriend’s past bothers me. She slept with five guys in three months right before we met.”

Sure, her sexual history may include casual sex, one night stands, sex-buddies, threesomes, etc. but for some reason, these events can get stuck in your head and very hard to remove.

If your girlfriend’s sexual past does involve threesomes, multiple casual hookups, etc. this is obviously not going to help… But, a guy doesn’t need his girlfriend to have slept with large numbers of people in order to suffer from a retroactive jealousy disorder. Quite the opposite.

Retroactive jealousy, by the way, is the name given to this constant anxiety you’re feeling about your girlfriend’s sexual past. (It’s also known as retrograde jealousy and retrospective jealousy.)

The fact that your girlfriend’s sexual past is a constant background hum in your mind means many people also call the condition retroactive jealousy OCD, as the more you try to push the images and emotions away, the stronger they seem to become.

In order to get to the bottom of this, we need to take a look at exactly what is retroactive jealousy? And the two main emotions that fuel this anxiety about a girlfriend’s sexual past.

These two key emotions are fear and judgment.

How fear makes you upset about your girlfriend’s sexual past

girlfriend's sexual past

Put simply, on some level a guy who suffers from retroactive jealousy OCD about his girlfriend’s sexual past is scared of losing her, and this is simply how his mind/ego is choosing to deal with it.

In other words, retroactive jealousy is just a manifestation in your mind of its own worst fears regarding the relationship.

So, if you’re a man, what’s the worst possible thing you can imagine your girlfriend or wife doing to you?—yep, having sex with someone else.

(If you’re female, the worst thing you can probably imagine your guy doing is falling in love with someone else. These are broad generalizations but women tend to be more hung up on a man’s romantic past, while men tend to feel more anxiety over a girlfriend’s sexual past.)

It’s very important to understand that these repetitive thoughts — going over and over in your mind like a broken record — are, in fact, representations of your worst fear about the present and the future, not the past.

Ironically, you’re not really bothered by any specific ex-lovers in her past. You don’t really care about your girlfriend’s sexual past at all, as strange as that may seem.

What you’re really afraid of is what they represent.


Intellectually, you know these guys are no longer on the scene, but the reason why they appear to be a threat is that they are the people who your mind has latched on to as representations of its worst fear.

In other words, because you have discovered evidence that your wife or girlfriend once enjoyed sex with someone else, you’re now fearful that they may want to have sex with someone else again.

The other part of this fear is wrapped up in how you think your partner feels about their past lovers and experiences.

In some way, you fear that if she still holds a warm and fuzzy spot in her heart for a previous lover, then that would mean she’s not completely 100% yours in some way.

And if they’re not 100% yours, that means that maybe there’s a chance you are somehow not living up to their expectations and so they could find that missing percentage in someone else.

The confusing nature of this anxiety about your girlfriend’s sexual past and dealing with retroactive jealousy is that, in your conscious mind, you don’t actually think your partner will definitely sleep with, or fall in love with someone else, but in your subconscious mind you probably have a general fear that they could grow dissatisfied with you and so, potentially, it could happen.

Retroactive jealousy is simply a manifestation of this fear, and the repeated images and thoughts are your worst fears being played over and over again in your head. This is why it’s also known as retroactive jealousy OCD.

Now on to the second key emotion which is fueling your retroactive jealousy…

How judgment makes you angry about your girlfriend’s sexual past

Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy OCD

Besides flinging up repetitive images of your girlfriend’s sexual past, retroactive jealousy ocd can also make you see your partner differently, through the eyes of judgment.

Part of the reason why you’re thinking to yourself “my girlfriend’s past bothers me” is because, consciously or subconsciously, you’re looking down on the choices she made in the past and the activities she indulged in.

For men, this often means viewing your partner’s past sex life as “slutty.” i.e. how many partners she’s had, what kind of sex it was, etc.

(For women this could mean viewing their partner’s choice of lover as “questionable.” i.e. who they dated, who they married, etc. Of course, these are by no means hard and fast rules, and it’s entirely possible for men and women to interchange these emotions.)

For example, I once viewed my girlfriend’s sexual past before she met me as promiscuous, but I also questioned her choice of sexual partner during this phase in her life as well.

As a general rule, though, if you’re worried by the thought of your partner having multiple sexual encounters in the past, on some level you’re being judgmental about sex.

As a quick test to see whether this is the case, imagine for a moment your girlfriend once had sex with your favorite actor or musician. Would you still be struggling with overcoming retroactive jealousy in the same way about this past event?

Judgment can play havoc with the day-to-day life of your relationship. You may find yourself looking at your girlfriend — completely innocent, say, picking out vegetables in the supermarket — and feeling judgmental, bitter and angry toward them and their past.

It may not even matter, for example, whether they even enjoyed the casual sex they had in the past. The fact is, they did it. And you don’t like it!


girlfriend's sexual pastLooking at your partner in this way is not a nice emotion to have, and I show you how to eliminate all anxiety about your girlfriend’s sexual past in my book The Ultimate Retoactive Jealousy Cure: How To Stop Being Jealousy Of Your Partner’s Past In 12 Steps.

In it I show you exactly how to overcome retroactive jealousy for good. It’s the most comprehensive retroactive jealousy cure available on the market.

This post has just looked at the why’s of being hung up about your girlfriend’s sexual past. To learn the how’s i.e. how to stop feeling these two destructive emotions, click on the link below to purchase the book “The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure: How To Stop Being Jealous Of Your Partner’s Past in 12 Steps.


How do you feel about your girlfriend’s sexual past? Do my conclusions that it’s down to fear and judgment ring true with you? How are you doing with overcoming retroactive jealousy? Share your experiences here in the comments section! 


— Jeff

  1. marc says:

    The judgement bit is definitely true – i.e. how could they do that with HIM? How could they share their body with some virtual stranger?

    Not so sure about the Insecurity part. I genuinely feel my partner has chosen me and much prefers making love with me.

    I’m not bothered about sex she enjoyed in a relationship. It’s the ‘slutty’ (yes, judgement!) sex she had on a few One Night Stands that triggers my jealousy.

    1. Hey Marc, yes the levels of judgment vs insecurity varies from person to person. Sounds like you’re okay security wise : )

      1. Paulo Jorge says:

        Hi guys, I just wanted to say hang on in there. I was like you few month ago but Jeff really helped me and now I’m so much better.

        1. Moose says:

          I just wanted to let you know that there are men laying in the cold ground because of a slut.I served with men over in viet nam and part of us made it back,but the ones that made it back came home to a cheating wife,and the others that were not married some got married but found out with in 2 or 3years that she was cheating on them. Out of 15 men that came home 6are divorced because of a cheating wife,4 are in prison because of a cheating wife that gave them a desease and they killed them. There are desease that can eat a pussy or a dick up with in 8 weeks,and then you will lay in your bed so weak that you can’t move,so you guys that are worried about your girl friend or wife,you are smart to worry because of the desease and you have to worry about her going to a big black dick and bring some thing back to you. From what I have been told and seen from some of my friends women now days want a white man to take care of her with a home, car,and money but they also want a big black dick to satisfie them ,because it makes them feel full,and that is some thing that a white man can’t do because he does not have a big 8 or 9 inch dick. If I was thi k of getting married now days,I would think twice because it just is not worth haveing to go thru a divorce now days and every thing that you worked for,she gets in the divorce. Women are a bunch of lieing back stabing sluts,so you had better think twice before getting married.

          1. Moose says:

            I have been with sluts that still had a fairly tight pussy and I have been with sluts that made you feel like you were all ways getting sloppy seconds or third and those are the ones that I told to go on back to you big Nigger dick because he would be the only one that could satisfie her because her pussy had been streatched out to about 8 to 10 inches deep,and could not satisfie a 5 or 6 inch dick. I have met alot of old friends that were married,but are now are divorced because of her being a slut behine thier backs. Womans today are low life back stabeing sluts because she wants a white man to take care of her with home,money,and bank account,but she also wants a big Nigger dick on the side when ever her husband is not around,but the guys have found out what is going on and more and more guys are not getting married,so that is leaving more and more women to do every thing for her self,but she is finding it hard to make it on her own,with out insureance,and every thing elce that she wants but does not have the money for. I can’t help but wonder how long will those big black dick will fuck her with out her putting out any money? The whole thing was to sneak around and get fucked behind his back but now it does not matter because he is not married to her,but I have heard that some sluts are haveing problems with thier pussy hole is not going back like it should and it is causing women to have a 3 to 4inch gapeing holes and they are worried that they just mite not be able to get married,and or she mite have trouble with infection,but also after alot of fucking with big dicks they can’t feel a normal size dick,and when they go have an operation to make it smaller,they lose most of thier feeling around thier pussy,but a slut is a slut and she will pay the price for being a slut!

          2. Moose123 says:

            In the last 7 years I have heard about 27 people that was eatcher a whore mongrel or a dam worthless SLUT that died due to a S T D. And I have to say that it made me feel pretty good,because God has his ways to get rid of the garbage in this world. I also was told by a friend of mind that two of our old friends that we went to school with,and had never martied,one was 38 years old,and Russell 42,both met different women in different years and dated for 3 to 5 years,before asking them to marry them. They both got married and one found out that his wife had fucked over 158 men, with in two years while in collage,and he filed for divorce and said that he will never marry again,but she fought him tooth and nail on the divorce,so he shot her,and now she is in a wheel chair for the rest of her miserable life,and she is very angry. He is in prison and won’t get out til 2042. Russ found out that his wife has been running around on him,and he broke her jaw,4ribs,and broke her left knee. She tryed to beat him up with a shovel to keep him from filling for divorce,but he filed and he has proff of her infeldility,and she did not get shit in the divorce,and she had to move out of his house. She is pissed off and has to get a job to support her self. She made the remark that she would get even,but he told her right in front ok f the judge,that the next time she tryed some thing,that he would kill that worthless SLUT! I belive that he would do it because when we were in Viet nam,he was blood thirsty.

    2. Matthew says:

      I’m also feeling a lot of similarity to reading this it’s only now that she told me about having a threesome with two men days prior to us meeting up and dating and told me she slept with close to 45 men in the year before us being together in a lot of ways I am happy with her for being blunt and honest but she has stalkers harassing us and their is a video of this drunken threesome around and being shown in her old circle of friends and it triggers my jealousy and hurt emotions when people throw it in my face she moved into our life as I was a single father before we met and for some reason it bothers me I went from one bad relationship right into this one and I feel judgemental and upset like maybe I should’ve been with another woman or a few different women before I went into another relationship or I didn’t choose the right person and now she is pregnant she reassures me that she isn’t going anywhere and has no intention of hurting me and my son but I need to let go and it bothers me that I just find out about this now as we moved in together I wonder if I did wrong by taking in such a person then on the other hand of all the good things she does for us and tells me regardless I would have issues with anyone about this but it’s okay you are speaking your mind Everything in our life is open no secrets but I question our relationship now and on the same hand want to fix myself so we can live in peace she has recently taken it upon herself to heal and charge her former sexual abusers and I am proud of her and she tells me everything she did was an act of self medication in which I believe because I am a siocial worker and former trauma counseller but it still upsets me and makes me question everything help me please this is a complicated situation for me

      1. Matthew, I’d strongly suggest buying the book because this is exactly the kind of situation I help people get over. Good luck.


      2. Relyt says:

        Wow 45 in one year? I’m upset over 10 within 8 years!

        1. Glenn says:

          Doesnt mater how many. Me and my girlfriend where Virgins when we met at 16. But I still have the judgement and anger of hook ups she had before me. We are 33 now and it still affeces our relationship. So doesn’t matter if she slept with 100 or none, if u suffer from it, u suffer from it. End of

        2. Michael Lawrence says:

          You bounch of worthless whore mongrels,you don’t know what real love is,and you problemly never will. When a women gets married she is never suppose to have been with 5 10 25 50 or 100 men, she is according to the bible suppose to be a virginia,but with the way the EDITS of this world are going,nothing is wrong with murder,or rape,or getting a friends wife pregant. You so called people of the world have no morals what so ever and the bible says that you all will each will have your part in the PITS OF HELL. I wonder how you edits would feel if your wife got pregant and at the end of 9 months she gave birth to a baby that was as black as coal, how would you feel and would you raise the kid? I doubt it. Why would you want a woman that has been used as a SLUT and has been past around like you would pass an old usd car? If she has been fucked by 50 different dicks,then that pussy is very much used up, and she would have to have a man with a 9 or 10 inch dick to satisfie her and even then I would have a hard time believing that some body would want a pussy that is stretched and useless. A pussy is like a used car,when it gets alot of miles on it,the only thing it’s good for is the junk yard!

          1. Michael says:

            Women can’t be trusted,most of them will lie to your face and tell you they only fucked 6 or 10 guys,but the truth of the matter is most of them have fucked over 100 guys. I have friends that I grew up with and I see them from time to time,and most of them are divorced because of getting caught fucking some body elce. Some of these women had to admit dearing the divorce court that they had fucked 44,49, 57,and one even admitted she had fucked 124 men in a total of 9years. The modern women will do what ever she has to do to get her way,and it don’t does not matter who she hurts to get it.Most women now days is not trust worthy, or honest. They don’t have any morals,and they don’t know what true love! I feel sorry for guys today that are looking to get married. In the last 5 years this has gotten to be pretty bad,because people act like wild animals,but even the wild animals have better sence then humans do because even the wild animals only breed once a year,but humans breed every day or night all year long,and they wonder why they have so many medical problems? I know 8 or 10 women that use to do this very thing,and now they are haveing all sorts of medical problems. Three of the women has had thier pussy to fall out of thier body,and the doctor told them that it was caused by haveing big dicks,and putting pressure on your vagina. They say that the bigger the dick,the more pressure you will have on your vagina and that pressure can and will tear loose your vagina! They have all told me that they have trouble feeling any thing smaller then a 5.5to 6 inch dick,and they all have female problems. I told them that they made thier bed,and now they have to lay in it!

        3. Michael Lawrence says:

          I have talked to different friends that have tried to get over the number of dicks that have been in thier wife,and most of them have wound up in a divorce,and two had to go to a mental hospital for treatment for afew months. I have talked to afew of them a year later,a n.v d they are still fighting with the wife and being miserable,so I told them both that they don’t have a chance at being a normal family,and being happy,so why don’t you just both just agree to divorce,and start over with some one new,so they divorced this year,and the man is happy,but the woman is never going to find a man that will except her and her 274 other dicks. After they divorced,she spent time alone for about 6 monthes,trying to figure out just what it is that she really wants? She has been dateing a guy for a month,when he found out about her 274 other dicks,and when he came home from we work,he went stright to the bed room and started packing,and left. He took a new job with another company just ssf o he would not have to be around that SLUT. Two other women have been trying to get married for the last two years,but neather one of the men will agree to it,because both of the women have been out in the world and fucking any dick that they wanted,but now,if they get caught fucking around,then the man can through her out of his house. Women are trying to use men to get what they want,but the men are fed up with thier bull shit,because women are such lie’ers and cheaters,and men don’t put up with that bull shit. Women are just not worth it any more.At the last party of the old gang,part of them has died,but the ones that are left,are trying to get the best deal that they can to be compfortable before they die. Some of the women have big pussyies that have been worn out for over the last 10 to 15 years.

      3. Jon says:

        Dude… you can do so much better. 45 guys? That’s disgusting. Threes one just before you met? Do yourself a HUGE favour and read absolutely everything written my Rollo Tomassi at the rational male (dot)com. Save yourself while you still can!!

      4. Justin Russell says:

        Buddy, let me give you a Golden piece of advice. I didn’t even know what exactly this was, the whole retro jealousy thing, but when I did figure it out, I learned that I had suffered from it with almost every woman I have ever loved. This guy’s book didn’t help me because I haven’t read it. But I did eventually overcome this disease. It is a disease. It will take you over completely if you let it. I know now that it all stemmed from a fear. I read something briefly about that when I glanced at the intro here. It’s true, though, for me anyway. I always had this fear that whoever I was with would eventually cheat cause my dick is only 5 inches long. Funny how many women have told me that I’m the best lover they ever had, yet I still suffered. I ended up marrying a girl that was a little bit bigger because I thought she would be safe because of what I had begun to think of as a condition. She was so insecure that she used a toxic means for what she thought of as her condition to keep [ me. You see, our fears caused us to act so unhealthy and harmful. Like some of the people here using racial slurs because of their insecurity, they hate another human being just because of an inherent trait that they were not gifted. You see, long story short, yes, there are hoes out there who are going to cheat no matter what. But every time something fucked up happened to me,e or It ended, it was because of me and my fears and insecurities. If you are confident, Love her the way a man should love a woman; she loves you and stays faithful until she dies. Unfortunately, most people don’t change. I find it very rare that those who say they will change do. I’m looking around researching because I plan on creating a space for people to discuss these things and get the help they need safely. This book is a great start.
        Along with support, everyone can be free from this that suffers from it. If the book’s author stumbles across this reply, I’d like to talk with you. I want to make this list available wherever I finally land.

    3. Kreh says:

      Man were on the same boat!

    4. tim says:

      I find the “she chose me” or “she chose you” comments on these sites to be interesting. There’s a good chance she didn’t “choose you”. At least not for the right reasons. Could be her preference is or would be someone else. It’s more than possible “they didn’t choose her”. Why would anyone think a woman could just have and marry any man she desired on earth but chose them ??? seems kinda silly. And as for the ones that have had many partners and maybe some kinky stuff etc… ever think they may have had so much they got so tired and worn out with it and decided to “settle down” ? Then “chose” someone stable and good to them and decided to just go with it because of that ? Women are good at faking sex. Many that have had too much don’t enjoy it with just one man for very long. But they want their home and good husband so they do whatever it takes to keep him happy.

      1. Aly says:

        First, “too much sex” varies from person to person, and a promiscuous adolescence doesn’t equal a matching adulthood.
        Secondly, that’s such an outdated way of thinking; that women will settle for someone who doesn’t satisfy them sexually, just so they have a husband and house.
        The way relationships are going nowadays, people are too blunt and short of time to be settling.

        1. Hansonnosnah says:

          It happens every day. Open your eyes. There are divorces all over, initiated by women who were never really “HOT” for their husband.

          If you believe women never marry in large part for things other than sex and being hot for the guy, you are willfully ignorant

      2. Michael says:

        Dude, you are very perceptive and nailed it squarely on the head for me. My wife of almost 40 years has kept most of her past hidden from me, which has caused all kinds of problems in and of itself. However, that’s another story. Over the years, I learned from the all too few snippets she’s shared with me that she started experimenting sexually at 12 1/2 years old with a group of several neighborhood guys and another girl or two and had sex for the first time at 14, probably with the same group of several guys at the same time (based on a slip of the tongue on her part). We started dating when she was 19, and I had no idea of the extent of her sexual experience until we’d been married for almost 20 years. I, on the other hand, was almost 10 years older than her when we started dating and had almost no sexual experience before I met her. She totally blew me away! I didn’t even know, in my naivete, that girls like her even existed! Anyhow, we were talking one evening – some years ago – when she was in one of her rare moods of being willing to be totally frank with me, and I said something like this: “I feel like by the time you met me, you’d had all the hot juicy sex you wanted and were ready to settle down with some guy who actually loved and respected you and would treat you right and take care of you.” She thought for a moment (much too briefly to do much for my ego) and responded “I guess you could look at it that way.” She had no idea how much damage that did to my psyche and ego, and it still haunts me to this day. I have been suffering the symptoms of ED for several years now, and I know that the knowledge of this is one of the root causes. I feel intimidated and inadequate each and every time I attempt to make love to her, even though she is still incredibly beautiful, sexy, and desirable. I can usually achieve and sustain an erection when masturbating, but when it comes to trying to have sex with her – even with Viagra – it is always hit or miss.

        1. Moose1947 says:

          Alot of you guys just don’t get it,what do you want in a wife? If you want a woman that is honest for get it,if you want a women who you can trust,for get it,and if you want a woman to have kids with, for get it! Women now days wants a man to be stupid and do what ever she say’s,is that you? It is a proven fact that most women will lose thier virginity at 17 or 18,and from there it goes down hill. Women will run around and get streatched for 10 to 12 years and have thier fun,but then she starts to want to settle down and have a fsmily,but when she starts to looking for a husband,she realizes that they don’t want to get married for one reason or another,but she has a problem because her pussy in streatched and most men can’t satisfie her! She will lie or do just about any thing to get married,but she can’t be to chooses, because she is a lieing SLUT that can’t be trusted because she lover’s big dick’s whitch has ruined her pussy because she can’t feel a 5or 6′ inch dick any more. You men are just a bounch of WHORE MONGRELS,and headed for alot of pain and misery. I love to hear about SLUTs and WHORE MONGRELS that wind up liveing alone and being miserable, and then comes the day when you DIE! I wonder if any of you whore mongrels or sluts ever ask your self,was it worth it?

    5. Alias Girl says:

      This website is extremely eye-opening and disturbing to me. I am a 30 year old woman. Truly, I had no idea (and young women have NO IDEA) of the reprecussions of their actions while they’re young. From the time girls are 12, 13, 14, 15 years old, men and boys are hitting on them and lusting over them and enticing them with promises of love to have sex with them. Our moms and dads don’t warn us of the implications- we are only told to be careful not to get pregnant or STDs. Inevitably, we lose our virginity and have boyfriends and casual sex as young women.

      Then, YEARS later, after maturing and experiencing life, we finally fall in love with a man and all we want is that man. Unfortunately, we are open and discuss our lives and past before we met him, not knowing that this is going to be a problem. It’s 2017. He was married for a long time, and had lots of other partners. Who knew that my sexual past would haunt him and come up at the strangest moments??? For example, I could be washing dishes after dinner and he may angrily say that I’m a whore. (Ok, not in the exact words, but he can say very strange things at strange times and it HURTS ME. I will sob uncontrollably. It feels like he has stabbed me in the stomach with a knife.)

      Guys, what can a woman do if she is 30, in love, wants so badly to marry a man and have kids with him, and she’s not a virgin? What can I do? I’m serious. I see from reading this website that men have RJ based on fear that she will leave him, or have sex with another man, but he is the best sex I’ve ever had. I will never cheat on him. How do I reassure him that I am committed to him until my death?

      1. Sexual history says:

        Anyone here date/marry a porn star or an ex prostitute?
        How did you deal with the sexual history?

      2. Michael Lawrence says:

        Most men that I have talked to don’t mind if a girl friend has had 4 or 5 sex pardners,but when you find out that she has had between 20 to 50 different dicks stuck in her,you have to wonder if she is worth haveing? I have been told by doctors that women’s Posey’s start to show wear and tear after about 4 to 7 years,and after that the walls of the vagina will start to get weak from being streatched and going back,but after that,time starts weakening the walls and this is where the pussy loses some of its grip on dicks,and this where some men notice it more if she has been fucking a big dick or to.I have talked to some of my friends over the years and this is how some men figured out that his wife was cheating,and they wound up in a divorce. I know that out of 27 people in my class,15 got married and with in 5 years,they were divorced because of you women wanting a white man to marry because he will work and pay the Bill’s and keeps money in the bank,and takes care of the wife,but after 2 or 3 years of being married you women get the large for a big black dick so that you can feel full and satisfied,but you don’t care about how bad you hurt your husband,and in 2 or 3 cases,the husband took a 12 gauge shot gun with 00buck shot and blew that big black dick out his big black ass,and then turned it on his wife and blew her pussy out of her ass. The women and thier bigger dicks are getting around in wheel charges but the husbands are in prison and won’t get out til 2028.You women think that you can just do what ever you want and get by with it,but you had better think twice,because alot of the young men have decided not to get married because of this very fact and also the men don’t trust women because of the fact that the number of divorces are very high and women are the ones that are filling for divorce because she wants to take what the man has earned because she knows that she can’t get a home and a good car on her own. You women seem to think that you can run around and get all the dicks that you want and it won’t matter,but you did not think about what it does to your body. I have seen women and men both that has been eaten up with different diseases like syphilis and the mens dicks swell up and turn black,but a women’s pussy will be full of pain and bleeding as if you were on you period for a month,and then when she makes it to the 9th week,she will DIE! Any women that has had more then 3or 4 dicks stuck in her,is just another slut and the guys are whore mongrels and they are not worth haveing!

    6. Moose says:

      You bunch of worthless therapest and doctors that don’t have any morals and can’t seem to understand that a good honest hard working man does want a dam desease or a dam slut for a girl friend,and her pussy is most likely the size of a quart jar. You can talk all the shit that you want to but the truth is,is that over a period of time that a woman fucks,her pussy is getting streached and according to doctors that has steadied the vagina for over 20 years has said that the more dicks a woman has stuck in her the sooner her pussy will ware out and get lose,and in some cases the pussy will fall out of her body and hang down between her knees. The doctors have said that the more she has and depending on the size if it is bigger then the average size,then it will put a strane on the walls of the pussy and cause it to tare and bleed but also make it loose,and it won’t go back all the way to normal size and if that happens then she will have problems for the rest of her life. You were saying that it is o k for a woman to have alot of sex partners,but I know of about 10 to 15 men that would argue with you on that,you they are all dead because of haveing 15 to 20 sex partners,because of getting different desease that we now have here in the U S A. We have desease that we don’t have drugs to kill and we don’t know how they will effect the body. Part of what you say is nothing but a lie. I guess that every thing comes down to dollars and cents now days, doctors use to put the people first,but not any more. You must look at your people that come to you for help as dollars Bill’s. I wonder how you can face your self in the merrow?

    7. Gunner says:

      Marc! You have to realize that every you fuck her,you are fucking every guy she’s been with. I had 2 friends that I grew up with,but roger died because he dated and ate the pussy of the girl he met at a bar,because she had a great personilty,but 9 weeks later he died at the age of 27. The other guy was full of life and loved to drink and shot pool,but he met a girl at a bar and they hit it off great,but he dated her for 6 months before giveing her the ring. He told me that they had talked most of saturday and saturday night about what they both wanted out of life, and if she thought that it could work?So they got ingaged,and started talking about getting married in the spring. Things were going great until she got sick and went to the hospital and was admitted for test. He was with her thru most of this ordeal,but when the test came back,it show that she had an S.T.D. She had also been pregnant and did not even know,but it caused an infection, and along with the S.T.D. killed the baby and she would never be able to have kids,but the doctor told them that she had had this inside of her for 8 to 10 months,and she gave him the S.T.D. and in just another 9 days he died,and 4 days later she died. So when you fuck a girl that has had 15 50or 100 different dicks stuck in her,she is nothing but a worthless SLUT. A girl that fucks alot of dicks is showing you that she is WORTHLESS,and you have to protect your own health!

  2. Peter says:

    Makes no sense… if you’re not ok with the past just break-up. You will save yourself a ton of time and a ton of heart-ache. There’s a lot of women in the world who have not done the crap you despise.

    I pretty much believe this whole problem is the work of evolution.. children of men who had this “feature” had good survival rates

  3. noname says:

    The thing that bothers me is that I hadnt been with anyone before when we got together, but shes been with more women than she can count, and several men before me.. at such a young age, and it makes me question her integrity, because im not a manwhore myself.

    1. Hello there, in the book I cover exactly why men can be judgmental about their girlfriend’s past AND how to get over it.


  4. justconfused says:

    I hate all the comments on other sites that “the past is the past” and “she didn’t even know you when she yada, yada, yada.” They don’t help at all. First, I want to say I love her so much and have loved her the majority of my life. I knew her long before she had any sexual experiences. We literally grew up across the street from each other and started as crushes and blossomed into love. Unfortunately, circumstances beyond us, we were still young and controlled by others, parted us. We finally reconnected 40 years later. In the 40 years I married and only had one sexual partner. She got pregnant in less than 2 years after we last saw each other and was a teen mom at 16. By 20 she was divorced with 2 kids and supporting herself as a nude stripper. By the time she was 25 she had been married 3 times, thank god no other children. The 3rd marriage last 23 years, but he was mentally and verbally abusive. And she did have a couple sexual experiences with others while married to #3. She finally divorced him.

    In that 40 years, especially early on, I looked for her. With her name changes I never did find her. Yet during that entire 40 years I made sure my name was in the phone book and when Internet came out I registered with them all…My Space, Facebook, Classmates, etc. I made sure I had a very easy to find foot print.

    After 38 years I heard from her, 4 years after she divorced #3. And we reconnected. I did find out in that 4 years, before she looked me up finally, she did the online dating routine, even sending very revealing, not completely nude, photos to at least one person she met online.

    I want to make this work so bad and get over this past baggage. She has told me of a total of 8 men she’s had sex with, that includes her 3 prior husbands. But, I don’t believe she’s told me everything as none of the 8 covered the time when she worked as a stripper.

    I’m not asking anything, as I do intend to buy the book and follow it. Nothing else has worked to get me to stopped obsessing about her past. (We’ve been together now for over 3 years. And I do trust her now.) I loved her all my life, except the first 10 years, and ashamed to say I loved her even when married to someone else. I don’t want to lose her, but am afraid I will become resentful of her if I do not figure a way to deal with this retroactive jealousy.

    1. Thanks for reaching out! Hang in there, I’m sure you’ll find peace with this soon.


    2. John T says:

      That would definitely drive me crazy thinking about all those choices she made in her past.

  5. brandon says:

    I love my girlfriend very much but what triggers me is that in our area everybody grew up together or knows one another, hence forth I know some of the people she had either a relationship with or a “drunken crazy night with”that’s what brothers me,but at the same time she knows some of the females I’ve been with so I guess I’mhyhypocritical

  6. Joe says:

    Ok… my problem is this. I do have standards when it comes to girlfriends (you can call it judgmental) but I don’t make past/present strippers, escorts, or any women who had a threesome with 2 guys my girlfriend. It’s just my boundary I set. But come to find out that my gf had a threesome with two when she was 18. It was in her past and I’m not jealous of it. I’m just disgusted with it. How do I get over that? or should I just call it off because I have a feeling I will look at her differently. It’s totally NOT jealousy… it’s just disgusting to me.

    1. tim says:

      Better just call it off….. if it’s disgusting now it won’t get any better….only worse

    2. Gabby says:

      I think my question to you is have you ever had a threesome? Calling your judgemental requirements standards isn’t going to make it any less judgemental by the way. Honestly as long as you hold yourself to the same standards that you hold your girlfriends to keep doing what you’re doing. But let it go honestly. Sex doesn’t decrease your girlfriends value as a person. She was still the same person when you met her as she as after you found out she had a threesome.

      1. Eddy says:

        She might b a nice person….but its clear that she did somethings which required her to somewhat compromise her dignity….now i m no one to judge but if her bf hasnt done anything of that sort….he holds the right to judge her….n he shud call it off asap he may try to forget but these things come back at the slightest trigger….

    3. Mr Truth says:

      I think your girl was just curious about how it would feel and wanted to try it. Life is short… live it up! threesomes are a lot of fun!

    4. Marcus says:

      If I were with such a person I would be thinking about it the whole time and get angry at it, but I guess the past is the past…

    5. OBAMA says:

      A threesome is two girls and a dude. It sounds like ur old lady had sex with two gay dudes.

  7. ManUtdIsAwful says:

    I WILL NEVER ACCEPT HER if she had a boyfriend in her past. Don’t even mention about what I think if she had more than one……

  8. Richie says:

    I’ve recently started a relationship with a girl from my past. We had a mild flirtation nearly 20 years ago but never slept together. However, she was quite promiscuous and I knew that. It’s just that this continued until we got together in March this year. I’m hardly pure myself and have had many sexual partners. She tends to get jealous of stories relating to my ex’s whereas her ex’s don’t bother me it’s the one night stands.

    We have just got engaged a few weeks ago and we have discovered she is pregnant now too. We live together now and both have a child from our previous long term relationships. I know she loves me wholeheartedly and I love her equally. We have a fantastic sex life and for me it’s the best sex I’ve ever had and she agrees. I believe it to be down to both of us being very experienced and open about our wants, needs and desires that coupled with the realisation that we are truly in love with one another.

    The problem for me is when we were lying in bed after making love the other day she informed me that she had both had sex with a taxi driver years ago to get off a fair and that in the last year, before we hooked up, she performed oral sex on a taxi driver in his 60’s to get home. I actually felt quite sick at the thought of the recent one. My partner is a beautiful looking girl (well I think so) and she should never have had to resort to this level. She was wasted I know, but for some reason it keeps playing on my mind. I did say to her I wish you hadn’t told me that, she did apologise and was remorseful about it. The taxi driver took a shine to her after this and she had to set him straight. I think I’m more jealous about the fact she put herself at risk rather than anything else.

    I just feel consumed by this. Today in particular as I didn’t really sleep well last night and my mind is wandering all over the place. I was sitting at traffic lights and got the image of her with this 60 year old man in my head. We are both 36.

    I used to be fat when we met too, so I have this thing of not being good enough for her too. I have lost 3 1/2 stone since the start of the year and feel and look great. She compliments me daily and motivates me daily.

    I have loved this girl for years and I don’t want this to be an issue between us. My past as I say isn’t exactly pure. I would have slept with anyone in the past I really wasn’t fussy as long as I got sex. So it’s total double standards on my part too.


  9. Agent S. says:

    My wife of soon to be 3 years just dropped a bomb on me. All you guys got it easy compared to me. Granted my wife was abused as a child. Her mom’s boyfriend attempted to rape her when she was like 17, he went to jail for it by the way. She also said her uncle would touch her when she was little. She said it was a vague memory she didn’t speak much on it. But she started having sex and doing drugs at a young age. she had sex on a school bus. got gang bang by 3 dudes in high school. she had sex at parties even at a party on the lake. She had an orgy with 3 girls she had sex with married men she had sex with 4 couples. She had one night stands with strangers. She was a amateur night stripper in another state for a while and even in my home town. She had sex a guy I knew and asked her about while we where dating and she told me no never did anything with him. I asked her a week ago and she said she dont know if she fuxd him or gave him a blowjob. she told me about a guy who she would goto his house just to sux his dick and then leave… She had 3 kids and was married 3 times twice to the last guy. 2 kids was from her second husband and one was from a fling. I was single no kids, she was living with me at the time. we were just roommates but she knew I liked her. I always felt like she didnt feel the same way I did. We had had sex one time before she moved in months before. The experience was not exactly magical if you know what I mean. She just laid there not really engaged into the sex. Not that she wasnt enjoying it just not as active. Long story short we eventually ended up talking and and having sex she got pregnant after telling me she was on 2 forms of birth control. We ended up getting married while I was overseas. Because I didn’t want my son to grow up in 2 different homes plus you got extra money for being married with kids (go figure). So now after being married for almost 3 years and very into church and God now she opens up with all this crap. Ive always felt like she trapped me into this relationship.Granted she is a great women now and she tells me the same thing every women who has had a slutty past that found a good man says “I’m here to stay, I’ll never cheat.” I’m like no shit you had all the sex there is to have no shit you want to settle down now. I’ve been with less than 14 women. I started having sex at 18 , I’m 27 now. My wife had been with around 45 men around 10 women. She will be 30 this year. I feel jealous that so many people have had my wife in so many different ways. Its hard for me to want to please my wife during sex cause it feels like she doesn’t deserve it I love my wife and our 5 kids that w have now but its just sux to feel that I don’t have something special when I look at my wife.

    1. Pool says:

      Sorry to hear that. That is hard. I’m not married or have kids with my girlfriend but she has a past that I hate too. She’s 31 been with over a 100 guys more than 30 threesomes, was a stripper for a year, did a bit of porn and had pretty much done everything including anal ring toss and dated a couple for a year. I’ve been with less girls by half than she has had thressomes. Its a weird contrast, the fun dedicated girl she is now and the super slut trampzilla she was before. I hate when she says but I’m with u now and only you. It makes me feel like she got ridden hard and put away wet and now I’m the idiot stuck with her. I know she is fun and awesome but I think this might be the lynchpin that derails us since I’ve been trying to digest this and get rid of these feelings for about 6 months now and cant. She doesn’t deserve it and I don’t like feeling like this. It makes me resentful and angry. Truly it’s going to be hard for me to let go but I need to make sure I don’t waste her time, and even when we have great times together which is more often than not, I’ll get triggered by the most basic of things or from a pissy fight that does not even have to do anything with her past and I’ll go down that rabbit hole again. I love her but I don’t like being the caboose to the really long train. So for me, if you love them, let them go before you resent them and it turns toxic. P

  10. jordan says:

    Okay… I just found out bout a year ago befor we knew each other that my girlfriend gave head to a dude she only meet a day before!! …. Yess …. I asked her about it and she said that “she made a lot of stupid choices in her past..and that ole dude got into her head”.. I cant get this out my head …. Im not mad about her giving head its just the fact she only knew him for1day!!! Idk what to do …i dont wont to bring it back up ..bcus we said we were gonna leave the past inna past … So yea thats my story

  11. Steve says:

    I’ve not had many sexual partners. Sex only a hand full of times. Past relationships didn’t go very well for me or my current partner. I refused sex in past relationships, if I didn’t feel it was real love. I literally couldn’t have sex. My partners past has came up a lot lately… After knowing we can share nothing sexually, they’ve not already given to someone else… It’s put a major damper on our relationship, and I’m not sure how far things can actually go any more. Would this be retroactive jealousy?

  12. justin says:

    I have a problem too mine is I’m jealous of my gf sexual past but I have one as well but she don’t judge wy can’t I be like that all I can emagine is her past sex the guys being bigger than me penis size or how she says I’m the 2nd person to give her a orgasm then she says things like I’m the first to do this or that and the reason she loves me is cause she never had anyone show her as much love as I do making her feel special and loved and she loves me I feel stupid for writing this just don’t know what to do just wonder if she’s lying about her enjoyment with other guys then downfalls them to me to make me feel better cause what girl drives 2 hrs just to see a guy before she met me and have sex and not even dating cause of how he treated her and she have sex with him more than one not even dating like 9 times can I get some opinions about this please

    1. Alex says:

      Justin bro your girl sounds just like mine LMAOOOO same situation girlfriend has a past with many guys from apps, drove 2 hours at 4 in the morning daily to see some. Treats me like shit by the way so I don’t even know what to do tbh.

  13. james b says:

    Wow there are so many manginas on this thread.

    I’m gonna drop a truth bomb for all you whipped manginas and Nazi feminists.

    If the girl isn’t a virgin, STAY THE FU#& AWAY. She’s already damaged goods.

    Every man knows this to be true if they look deep down. Who seriously wants to make love to a dirty whore who has had multiple men blow their load inside her. How does it feel knowing some guy pounded her until his nut sweat was dripping down her dirty hole?

    Guys are so feminine and will do anything for pussy these days because our society is hyper-sexualized and devoid of virtue and morality. I am disgusted with how sluttly women are these days, its not the men who are to blame. It’s the women who have NO SELF CONTROL of their animal urges.

    1. Mr Truth says:

      You are not helping these guys in here although you might be right! I must admin that I am a dirty man whore myself and I try not to judge these women. I totally can keep up with all the threesomes and sex that all of these woman have had. I love it all!!

      But here is my problem. All that man whoring got old and boring and I just wasn’t interested in doing it anymore. I wanted a meaningful relationship so I started looking for a girl that I would spend the rest of my life with and I’m sure all of these women are thinking the same way I’m thinking so you guys should really stop worrying about the past because your girlfriend put that stuff behind her and wants to look forward.

  14. Daniel says:

    Hey Justin and James B I totally feel you guys. I’m in a relationship with this chick now who I totally adore and love. However stories about her past sexual encounters (30 before me to be exact) that I’ve unrevelled (aside from those with boyfriends) totally eeks me out, and for some reason occasionally pops into my head, those images of those one night stands (I blame tinder and those shitty dating apps for most of it) cumming inside her, having their way with her knowing she will submit to anything because they sensed a weakness in her emotionally and the loneliness within. I don’t want to say my girlfriend was a total whore, but many of these “encounters” happened just within the few months that I knew her. Like some of you have mentioned: the sex is great, but sometimes while I’m at it, these fucked up thoughts fill my mind and my girlfriend whom I think I love suddenly becomes this village bicycle. It’s like, so many men have to so easily gotten inside her, what makes me special? Am I even special in the first place?

    Justin mentioned his girlfriend said he was the second person to give her an orgasm (fucking eerie considering mine said the exact same thing to me the second time we had sex). But then I stopped to think, how’s that possible considering she’s been with so many other guys? A sample size of 30 and only 1/15 are capable of providing an orgasm? Only after reading Tims post I began to realize that I forgot how easy it is for women to fake orgasms. What an idiot I am!!

    We have been together for 2 months now and everything is bright and chirpy, we even have talked about marriage, housing, kids, a Volvo yadayada. But I just feel if after another 4 months this nightmare is still lingering in my head I guess it means I don’t love her enough to be able to forget her past…. 🙁

    1. Hey Daniel, but it’s not a nightmare that you can’t get out of. You CAN do it! Drop me a line if you need to chat.

    2. Mr Truth says:

      As for the orgasm comment. The girl could also be lying to you to make you feel better about yourself!!

  15. Sydney says:

    Hi Jeff,
    I’m actually a woman. I just broke up with my boyfriend over this. It wasn’t the only reason, but my jealousy was a major factor. He had never been in a serious relationship before, just hooked up a lot with friends and girls at the bar. I was a virgin and yes, I judged him. I felt like I wasn’t special, and he was never looking for a girl like me. I struggled with my jealousy but he assured me they were all in the past and they didn’t matter, so I was getting better on my own. Then he wanted to contact one of his friends that he hooked up with a few times, who accused him of raping her and their friendship/relationship ended. My jealousy got worse and i got angry and bitter every time I pictured the drunken hook up in my head (because he described enough to me). And I was hurt because I didn’t understand why he suddenly wanted to see her again.

    I feel like I’ll never be able to get over this and I’ll never find a guy like me, who only is comfortable with sex when there’s an emotional connection. I don’t know how to stop judging him and guys like him.

    1. Sorry to hear that. This is something you need to get a handle on if you don’t want it to keep ruining your relationships. Send me a private email and we can talk about your options for recovery if you like.

      All the best

  16. Thatguy says:

    So, started talking with this girl last march, we talked for months, I was working a job I hated. We talked for a few months and she encouragd me to do what made me happy. So I quit my job away from home and went back to working my dream job as a Ranch Hand, which didnt pay as nearly as much as my last job, but its what makes me happy. After a few months of talking we finally decided to meet up. So I decided I would spend the weekend in her city, which was a 6 hour drive for me, not expecting anything from her. Just to hang out and get to know each other. Btw I was a virgin at the time. Our first night together we had dinner then had a few drinks at a few bars and we ended up making out towards the end of the night. We both decided she would spend the night with me at my hotel room to watch movies. Thats just what I wanted to do, but as the night progressed in my room we got a little heated and she wanted to have sex, I refused because we only had just met in person. She respcted that and we spent the weekend hanging out like I planned. I went home and we didnt see each other 2 weeks then she came down to visit me and we had intercourse. Long story short, we were dating for a long while and i started to pick up on some her humor as “slutty”. I didnt want to ask but i finally asked how many men she has had excluding me, She said under 20 guys and 1 girl. Never gavean exact number, just said under 20. She is 21, she was 20 when we first started dating. Me on the other hand, she was my only one. I learned this information about her as we were looking for a place to move in together. I wanted to break it off but i decided to try and get over it. So we moved in togther. It still bothers me a lot to this day, its no fair to her because i start fights over it and she has done nothing wrong while with me, never acts suspicious, is loving and caring and we freely go on each others phones (not to snoop, just because our own phone wouldnt be within reach) . I love her a lot but some days are really hard for me. I see her as a slut sometimes and have nightmares of her doing things with other men. I have obsessed over it that much that I have nightmares. Its ruining our relationship and I truly want to be with her but another part of me hates her for her previous life decisions. She was abused sexually as a child and says sleeping with people was her way of healing, whatever the fuck that means. Is there hope for us ? Or should I cut my losses and throw it all away, even though that would sincerely kill me inside. Help

    1. Hey man, sounds tough. If you want to try and overcome this I can definitely help you out. Drop me an email.

  17. Simon says:

    Hi I know how you are all feeling as I I’ve been with only one person and my current girlfriend. I was with my ex wife for 16 before it all kicked off and we split up. I’ve always been a bit funny about sexual past etc. alway new when I decided to start data that most girls would have had more partners than me. So I met my girlfriend on a proper dating site after a couple of rubbish dates and hit we hit it off and we didn’t have sex until about a month later and two mouths in that conversation came up I told her that I’d one been with one person with feeked her out. Then said that she’d been less than 50 people as I didn’t want to no the exact number. This wasn’t a problem until about 6 months into the relationship when it all off a sudden pop into my head I wasn’t judging her or anything like that but I didn’t like it and it was stressing me out so I tried to talk to her and I couldn’t so I decided to send her a radom text wile she was on holiday ( not the best idea I’ve ever had trust!) just ot say she wasn’t happy about how I went about it. She told me none of that matters anymore and she wouldn’t change it and she as now found her prince and no one had mad love to her and touched her in the way that I do witch mad feel much better. So I spoke to two of my closest friends about it they both said it doesn’t matter as anyone can see she want to be with you and don’t worry about the past as you can’t change it. All I’m saying is everyone has done reckless things I’m there passed don’t let ruin your future. Anyway I love this girl more than I thought possible and I plan to marry her. We’ve been together 8 months and moving in together next month.

    1. Moose12 says:

      I have been reading some of these post on girl friend material,and one that had a pussy that was used liked grand central station. All you have to do is fuck the slut,and if your dick was acting like a chicken with its head cut off,then she is a worthless slut,that should be put out of her miserary! I have been told by friends of mine that use to be married to what they thought was a good wife and soon to be mother,but found out that she was just a worthless slut,and was dumped back out on the streets. They should be cut so that they can’t get pregant and let go just like a wild animial,and after they become a certain age,they should be shot and put out of thier misery! They are on thier way to the pits of hell,just like a bounch of other dumb ass people.

  18. John Smith says:

    Hey guys. Its been really cool reading alot of your stories. From my perspective, a lot of you have had women that fully justified, in my opinion, your judgement. However, I’m confused about my situation and whether or not my girlfriend deserves the harsh judgement, fear, and anger I’m experiencing. I started seeing my girlfriend about 3 months ago and everything about the relationship is fantastic. I’m only the 3rd guy she’s had sex with as well (which I’m ok with despite the fact she’s 18 and I’m 20). One of the guys she dated for 2 years and lost her virginity to, and the other guy had a hook up situation with and she was “seeing” him for a few months. But here’s my problem. Initially, it bugged me she would fuck outside of relationship but it was more of a minor annoyance. But as we started talking further, she would tell me stuff like “yeah I’d probably give a cop a blowjob to get out of a ticket.” Or “I’d like to have a threesome with 2 guys at some point just to experience it.” This is interesting to me because it’s not really past jealousy but future jealousy and indicators of her character. Like maybe if she haddnt been with this guy for 2 years she would been a massive slut. Additionally, after her the the guy she was with in the long term relationship broke up, when guys would hit her up trying to get at her late at night, she’d go hook up with them. She wouldn’t fuck them because she didn’t want to be totally slutty but she’d make out and blow them. Additionally she told me stuff along the lines of “yeah they would try to act and pretend to be interested in me but I was always like ‘guys I don’t want anything with you. You don’t have to pretend I’m just here to hookup with you.” So this type of situstion happened with 3 guys. So basically she’s blown 6 guys, fucked 3. Although these might not be hugly slutty numbers, her attitude about it, and the lack of self respect indicated by saying “dude I’m just here to hook up don’t pretend to like me.” Or “yeah I’d like to try a threesome.” Or “I’d blow a cop to get out of ticket.” Is what bothers me. What do you guys think? Am I over reacting to things that arnt a big deal/haven’t even happened or is she a slutty girl I should end it with?

    1. Mr. Big says:

      I would 100% end that, she’s a wild girl

  19. duldul says:

    I have had a very similar issue with many guys here recently. I am in a relationship with my girl and it is my first relationship where I had sex. She did some online hook up thing before she met me. She met 7 guys and had sex with him only after one date. One of the guys she had an unprotected sex. It really culminated a few days ago and recently I have been telling her how much those experiences make me angry and frustrated. She keeps saying sorry for all that past.. for which she does not have to. She said that she was very vulnerable at that point but I still tell her that every vulnerable girl would not make the choice. I have been very aggressive with my language and I really want to stop… why do girls get themselves involved in sex and hurt the serious relationship? Whoever that speaks positively about casual sex… they must know that whoever their banging will be someone’s wife and it will ruin their relationship.

    1. Realitycheck says:

      They give it up because they want to have their cake and eat it. They dont see value in their bodies. She had unprotected sex becsuse she was really turned on by that guy… why else would she??? Look at actions not words.

  20. Jay says:

    Interestingly I find myself doing this a lot. I dont judge her or get mad, but when I find out about different men or flings she had before me I get a bit jealous and not sure why. Its like…I dont want to know..but at the same time I look for the information. But again, I never judge or get mad…its like I know its the past and I shouldnt be bothered but it still does. Especially with the fact that I was a bit of a manwhore myself prior to her.

    1. Yep not much about retroactive jealousy makes much sense unfortunately. This is because with RJ we’re talking about the emotional side of the brain as opposed to the rational side of the brain. If you want to talk drop me a private message.

  21. David says:

    My biggest struggle is I had very few sexual encounters before dating my gf, and obviously I have/had fantasies. She was with quite a few guys, but also a threesome and my thing is I’ve missed out on my opportunity now to at least try that out, but I don’t want to make her mad by bringing it up or anything of the sort. I wish I could just forget about all I know from her past, which is what I try to do.

  22. Heinz says:

    This is exactly why I pretty much demand to know their sexual past early on. I don’t want to get in too deep and then get hit with bombs like a few of these have been. I have a hard enough time dealing with my girlfriends sexual past which consist of a couple rapes when she was young (Around 14) and like 6 other guys partners. All of which came when she was around 15-17 years old…She is now 23 and went through a lesbian stage where she only dated a couple girls for like 5 years. Now she is with me. I have known her since she was 14 and we have always had something pulling us together throughout our lives. I was even the first (or close to it) person she consensually had sex with. It didn’t really matter who she or I was seeing, when we were together it would always complicate things because deep down we wanted each other but were young and dumb. I definitely had a lot to do with it though because she was all about me at a young age and I constantly led her on/pushed her away when I would meet someone else. Which I know led her to do certain things that she did. Regardless, I have such a hard time with it. A few of them in particular. Ones that I question the guys motives and if he just “used” her which she dismisses because she claims she was the one who ended the “relationships”. I’ve had almost quadruple her sexual partners so I know I’m being stupid but I can’t help but feel like sex is different for guys and girls as it’s much harder to get laid for guys. I really hate holding grudges like this or judging her about it because I know she is a loving and caring person and would never cheat on me.

  23. Jay says:

    So my gf of four years has supposedly had sex with “one and a half guys” according to her. She says she only had sex with her first bf twice, and both times only lasted minutes. The second guy she met at a party while still dating her first bf. She claims her bf had cheated on her at some point before the party. So she gets drunk and eventually has sex with a guy she met there in the shower. She told me halfway into it she realized it was a mistake so she got him to stop and they never finished. Her and her bf broke up afterwards, and then later we met. She seemed inexperience when we started having sex and says she “hasn’t really had sex before”. She thinks they don’t count because of the brief encounters. In the beginning of our relationship she would comment about her past experiences and say things like ” your cum taste better than most guys” and “your the only guy to give me an orgasm”. It was disturbing hearing this and I didn’t know why she would say that to me. Later on in the relationship I asked her about it and she told me she said stuff like that to seem more experienced and that she had never givin oral before me. I don’t know what to think about this and it’s a little disturbing to me. Every time it’s been brought up in conversation the stories change or she get very defensive. This only makes me more paranoid. I guess I’ll never know for sure. Is my gf a slut? I don’t really know what average is for girls these day as far as sexual experience goes

  24. Andy says:

    I have a very rare and peculiar case of being uncomfortable and troubled by a past sexual experience involving my girlfriend of about 4 years. I met my girlfriend, who is older than me, through my brother who she’s been friends with since they were in high school. My brother is gay and has been in a relationship with a man for many years who my girlfriend also happens to be friends with. I’m not exactly sure of the circumstances, but I do know that one night she had a threesome with both of them. I know for a fact she actually had intercourse with my brother but what exactly she did with my brothers’ husband I’m not entirely sure of – although I know she didn’t have intercourse with him. Writing these words I start to feel sick at my stomach.
    I must say when I met her and started a relationship with her I was at a sad and lonely place in my life and was desperately seeking companionship. We really clicked and hit it off and eventually grew to love and care about each other deeply. I have to admit I knew about this early on in the relationship, but I always felt like I could sweep it under the rug and forget about it. After all, I told myself, it’s not fair for me to judge her what she did before we were together. I feel a certain amount of shame and dishonor. I feel like my brother, who always sort of was overbearing towards me growing up, has soiled a woman I probably would otherwise have married by now if it wasn’t for this and maybe a few other things like my career and finances. I try to keep it out of my mind but sometimes – we still see my brother and his husband a few times a month or so for social occasions since they all have the same friends – the images of what happened that night flood my mind. I begin to look down on her, feel ashamed of our relationship, and regret ever getting into this situation to begin with. She expects to get married soon, but I just don’t know if I can live with this for the rest of my life. The shame of it all is that I really do love her and care for her a great deal. I feel torn apart emotionally and spiritually inside trying to figure out if I should propose to her and live wit this forever, or leave her having wasted four years of her life. I don’t know what to do anymore.

  25. Joe says:

    Look, if you guys are not comfy with your woman having done other guys, or many other guys for that matter, before you go together, then leave her. Your retroactive jealousy will make matters worse unless you decide to do something about it eg. getting over those facts which, in hindsight, while it may be an indicator of possible future behavior, does not make her a slut immediately. It’s a 50/50 thing, she may or may not do as she did before.

    I am married to a woman who I adore very much, and it was only after we have gotten engaged did I find out the extent with which one of our acquaintances had gotten with her. This is besides the fact that she presents herself as a conservative and demure lady who isn’t an easy lay or makes herself an easy target. Of course I was hurt, it felt like a betrayal of sorts. But we spoke about it, and I trust her word that she loves me, and that she won’t do anything to put our then upcoming marriage in jeopardy. On my part, I chose not to let it bother me and focus on what makes us happy, both in the bedroom and outside of it.

    If your love for her is as strong as you say and want it to be, don’t let these bother you. If you need a boost of confidence from your woman, she has to be responsible for it. But you also have to be responsible for your emotions.

    Btw Jeff, I’m still ordering your book. I’d love to see your insights on the matter, and while I do sound like I know where I am coming from, it’s best to know what insights others have to offer.

    Chill out guys, you’d all get through it if you make an effort to do so.

    1. Thanks for the comment, Joe. You make some very valid points.

      1. Paulo Jorge says:

        Hi Jeff, keep up the good work. I’ve bought your book and it really me so far.

    2. Brad says:

      Let me also put out there that you guys don’t have to be obsessed about your girlfriend’s number of sexual partners. When it comes to LOVE nothing else matters.

  26. Meg says:

    It’s been really good to know that I’m not the only one experiencing these feelings altho my situation is a bit different. I met a woman who was married for 20 yrs, divorced for 7, has 2 grown kids and is now in love and involved with me. I’ve been a gay woman my whole life and have only ever been romantically involved with gay women! She says she’s been different her whole life – not like her other married friends and that this is where she wants to be. Now I’ve known some gay women who were “cajoled” into marrying but they either divorced or got it annulled within a few years. This woman had a whole involved very active sexual life with her husband for 22 years! More to “keep him in the marriage” than personal desire but come on- really?!

    I’m glad you added the OCD component because it certainly does feel like that! Her sexual past gets in the way (in my head) a lot – the mental videos are overwhelming sometimes- yet other times, I know this is where I’m supposed to be. Can your book help with this?? She swears she’s not Bi- another kiss of death for a lesbian! So you see fellas, jealousy comes in all forms! ;(

    1. Hey Meg,

      Sorry to hear you’re suffering like this. YES, that’s exactly what my book covers – how to stop the repetitive images and “mini-movies” that seem to pop into your head 24/7. Drop me a line at jeff[at]retroactivejealousycrusher[dot]com if you need more info.

  27. Chet says:

    I am 45 years of age… I recently married a woman of 38. We are both Godly people, fully committed to Christ for almost 3 years. In the very beginning we disclosed all of our dirty pasts. She was with 22 men before me, and well i,almost 3,000 women. A goal of 5,000 i set to reach by the age of 50 when i was 17. She is able to “deal” with my past discretions, but as of recent, i am struggling with hers. The thought of another man having had what i now do irks me!!! Sounds hippocritical i know.

    1. Ned says:

      …don’t be surprised if her number goes up as you age and she struggles with how you have used sex. My prayers go forward with both of you – truly.

  28. Peter V. says:

    My wife is my best friend, soulmate, all that. We share everything, all of our past experiences and current fantasies. So we have talked in great detail of our sexual pasts. It is a source of excitement and satisfaction for both of us. I’m happy for her having experiences that she enjoyed before she met me, whether it was the summer in Europe or that football player…

    And a word of advice – if you just can’t seem to get over your wife having some fun in her past, face your fears directly. Let her have a dalliance now. She will love you more and you will appreciate her more. It’s all part of growing up.

  29. dave says:

    The problem is that this site is suggesting that men are hung up on 5 or 6 partners. The reality is that this is 2016, and we are dealing with women with 50 or 60+ partners. That’s a lot to swallow!

    1. Hmm, I can’t remember saying men are only hung up on women with five or six partners but you’re right – nowadays many have had much more. The point is, some guys are hung up on five, some on fifty. Everyone’s circumstances may be different but the way to beat retroactive jealousy is the same.

  30. Leon says:

    I’ve got another feeling about my wife that i just can’t get rid of.
    We’ve been married for 10 years now with 3 kids.
    We both didn’t have any past relationships before we got married but now i have found out from friends that she did have 1 past relationship.

    Now i feel like she is not the same person that i fell in love with at the beginning, the girl that didn’t have any past relationships.
    Somehow i have managed to see her as 2 different person, 1 as the woman who didn’t have any past relationship that i fell in love with and married to, the other person i see in her is a woman who’s had 1 previous relationship, all my love and feelings seems to have stayed with that 1st woman and i have to start all over again with this 2nd woman.

    If i knew of her previous relationship while we were dating then i wouldn’t have any issues but to find out now i makes me feel that she’s just not that same person that i know and expected but someone different.

    Has anyone else feel this way? and how to overcome it.

    Thanks in advance.

  31. jeff says:

    So I got in a relationship with this girl. Shes absolutely stunning an I could see it going all the way with her. The problem is she dated and had sex with two dudes who I HATE with a passion. Like I hated them even before I started dating her. And now that I’ve fallen in love with her I hate them even more. I only had one sexual partner before her and even then we didn’t do it that often. She had sex with each of them many times and let them do nasty stuff to her. I’m not threatened or jealous, because neither of them were very good according to her, and she didn’t love them. I’m just kinda disgusted and sickened. Like I keep telling myself I’ll get over it, but it hasn’t gotten any better. Like it just sickens me, and I don’t see it getting better any time soon. Should I just call it off?

  32. Arnolys says:

    I feel like i have to share my story! So my girlfriend sleep with 30 guys in her past so what? I sleep with 200 girls or more. Now the thing is that she slept with 4 people that i know in her past! How i am suppost to forget this when i have to see the guys faces every saturday night when i go out! Since we all work in the same place! She loves me, and cries because she cant take it back! I understand but for some reason i just cant get over it keeps coming back and back to mind, and its killing my realtionship, dont want to hurt myself or her!

  33. Manster says:

    Guys,after reading all your comments, I want to share my story as well. I started talking to an expat girl who lives in my country. After being in touch for a couple of weeks, we met at her apartment and ended up having sex. It was very passionate. I had condoms with me and she had too in her bag. She said “you’re not the first guy to come here ha ha”. Anyway, since I went from my city to the city she was in so was staying with her for the weekend. The next morning we were too caught up that I came inside her.. She wanted a specific local pill immediately.. I brought one for her but she said no I want the one I had used before here. And BOOM! that was the time I started feeling horrible. At different ocassions I have asked her how many times she has used that pill in the past and she has given me different nunbrs. She even he a lubricant which she sometimes puts on my cock which was bought by her ex. I feel so fucking jealous and obcessed about who these men were and how many but she’s so secretive. So we are tovtger for three months now and I really want to be with her which is the sad part ;( and another thing she makes me cum inside her mouth very comfortably. Which means she’s an expert bec of her past. Wtf should I do

  34. Oscar says:

    My girl has only one sexual partner before me back when she was in high school. The guy was bad to her and she saw the signs early. She still slept with him and continued the relationship for about a year and a half. Before they ended things he told her that before they went out he had sex with his cousin. He ended up breaking up with her and we met a couple years later. I saved myself until I felt like I was in love based off a tradition my parents started. I know I’m a better guy than her ex but it bothers me that she isn’t a virgin like myself. I know its the past but I hate how she gave up what I felt was important to someone who can careless about her. She says she was naive but I was also that age and could contain my sexual desires. Nonetheless, we didn’t have the same views on sex and it’s not her fault. It just sucks knowing that she can say that she’s the only one that has sexually been with me for life and I can’t say the same thing. She still holds a friendship with the cousin that he has slept with which I find kind of weird but I digress.

    1. John says:

      Thats exactly how i feel dude. Same story with my gf too. It just feels unfair, specially how much effort u put in and my gf doesnt even show affection or do alot of sexual stuff with me due to her past. It drives me insane. I hate that her virginity, the thing i would have done anything for was taken away by someone who didnt give a shit

  35. John says:

    Its hard because i have never dated, kissed, or did anything sexual with anyone but my gf has 9 ex’s. She only slept with 2 and 1 abused her sexually. That one was a week before we started dating. I didnt find out about any of this until way into are relationship and it set me through the rough. It made me mad because i had to deal with everything her ex’s did to her and she told me she doesnt like giving oral because she just thinks about the previous guy. I cant do anything without it sparking a memory of him and they only dated 2 months. What made me mad the most was that she got mad at me and jealous of my past that i let a girl sleep over on my bed while i slept on the floor b4 she was in the picture. And that was the same time she was getting fucked by some other dude. She doesnt understand how much it all hurts no matter what i tell her.

  36. Maggie says:

    I’m sending this page to my boyfriend. No one else is talking about this rj thing as well as you.

  37. mike says:

    My god…. after 40 years of living it is right now that i finally see there is so many others out there that hate there GF’s sexual past. I mean i knew probably i was not the only one but i had no idea how many of you there are. I guess while i am here i should put my story in. well i kept myself a “pure virgin” as i like to call it, until i was 25. I was saving myself as pure as i could until i found my soulmate. Pure virgin meaning that i did nothing sexual at all. i have discovered in today’s age that you need to make that distinction between Virgin and Pure Virgin. I have asked girls in the beginning of just when we were just talking if they were a virgin and they would sometimes say yes. this might very well be the truth big but they are infact saying they are vaginal virgins. I have found it is safer to ask “do you have a sexual past”?. this at least attempts to cover every sexual act that can be done and not just vaginal. I have ran into this a few times were i asked the girl if she was a Virgin and she said yes. then i thought oh wait i also need to ask her if you have also did any of the acts that can be done other then vaginal sex and they would always say yes :/ you see girls don’t see the 2 as 1. to me virgin means no one has touched you or you touched them sexually ever. To me personally a girl that i want to be my GF can have been with 1 guy 1 time just vaginal sex and that is it. no other sexual act and that is the limit i have. I of course would prefer Pure Virgin but if she just needs to have a sexual past then that is what she need to fit. But even that 1 encounter has details that are important. First it was with a long term BF, he used protection ( no cum was in her at all), and at no time ever did she have cum on her face or in her mouth for any reason. My problem with a GF or potential GF’s sexual past is i feel like, pretty much, she has already cheated on me even before we begin anything ourselves. Knowing that someone else has had my GF or potential GF in that way ( any sexual way ) is just something i can’t deal with and now choose not to. I now ask all potential GF’s the question “do you have a sexual past”? Because simply put my soulmate will not have one end of story. It is important for me that i ask that question right off in the beginning so that i don’t end up like you guys and dealing with a girl i am in love with and now need to eat a giant shit pie of sexual past. I foolishly thought that once i had sex, which to this day was only with my EX wife and only about 30 times max, that the experience would free me from having these thoughts about a girls sexual past but it has done nothing. In fact it has only made it harder for me now that i have resumed my search for my soulmate because i am now not what i am looking for. I was a pure virgin looking for a pure virgin and it was respectable. now i am divorced with 2 kids and 40 years old and still looking for the same soulmate i was when i was a Pure virgin. How things change since now i am look at as being a creep. From my research it seems to me that the time for guys and also girls like us ( that just want something pure and just want people to use there heads and not give themselves into lust or temptation of insecurity ) has either past or is not even here yet. today’s world and humanity are to focused on sex and have pretty much completely disconnected sex from anything. you see where my head is at is that love and true love are the most important in the world. romantic True love doesn’t even need sex to exist. but i think that everybody should be looking for true love but i know that’s not the case. some people are selfish and just want that 15 min’s of pleasure as often has they can get it while there young then figure later they will bother with love for there ” settle down phase”. well what you all must come to know is newton’s third law: For every action there is a equal reaction. If you decide to fuck 10,20,45,100 guys, or for guy, girls or do the other sexual acts other then intercourse then do you really think your not going to pay for it later??????? to get back to me like i said to me a girls sexual past is just like choosing to not be with a smoker. Its a life style choice that i just choose not to want in my soulmate. I have been with smokers and i choose not to want to kiss an ashtray anymore. Same goes for sexual past, i choose to not want to kiss a mouth that has had a mans sexual organ in it. this same organ that he takes a piss with. I choose not to be behind a short or long line of cocks that have been thrusted into the very pussy i am about to thrust into. For me it might be to late since i messed up and i know i did and i gave up on my purity that i was holding for my soulmate. my view is if i was able to hold onto my pure Virginity till i was 25, and would still be holding it if i wasn’t so stupid, then if humanity took a better turn then others would be able to hold onto it too. Humanity need to put the focus on love and true love and get away from sex. to me the focus on sex is destroying us.

  38. Mike says:

    It’s great to have the option to buy this book which cures a person of this retroactive jealousy if you can’t live without the girl. But the fact remains that i think for some of us we would still choose not to be with the girl. Because for me the girl ever having a guys cock in her mouth well yeah its disgusting. A potential GF of mine having a cock in her pussy at anytime for any reason is yeah…..disgusting!!! so the book might cure your jealousy which is totally fine if you love that girl but I would just move on!

  39. ROBERTO ZAMORA says:

    My girlfriend had a fuck buddy before me and they had sex every weekend for 2 months she found out he was married but with me going on 2 months we have barely had sex 6 times. She said it was exciting with him not having feelings but with me it’s more, she wants to be with me. How does that make sense? Having a lot of sex with someone you don’t want to be with and barely any with someone you’re in a relationship with?

  40. C@nm says:

    My wife and I are now separated I wish I would have read this year’s ago I know this is what drove her away but then again it came true. She immediately got with someone when she left who was top of her friends list on Facebook which means they have a lot of activity even while we were together. I’m still so in love with her and it’s very hard to let go, she’s very immature and boy crazy. I was a virgin when we met and we were pregnant within a month, I married her a couple months later despite everyone telling me not to. She had been with at least 9 guys before me and she’s very flirty.(were early 20s) She was all mine for awhile and i really thought I had the perfect girl who I was meant to be with. we just didn’t work on things and I never got a chance to show how I’d change for her, she just cut all communication after a fight one night after being together 2 years and raising our little boy. I had no idea what was going on for 2 months until I get a call from her piece of garbage boyfriend telling me to leave my wife alone. Obviously I’m going to be messaging and calling her it’s my family the mother of my child. Shortly after she is trying to dump our child in DHS and give guardianship to her parents, all because that guy doesn’t want to move that fast. It’s ridiculous and this dude is less then me he’s a little twerp makeup wearing weirdo. But now we have started to talk and I’m praying something clicks and she realizes her family is more important then some loser. So when we met I was a virgin, to avoid looking dumb I lied and said I’d been with 2 other girls. She has probably been with way more than 10 other guys now and I feel like if she were to ask me, one time I told her the truth when she made me mad talking about some guy and she didn’t believe me so I played it off later on but she’s probably going to ask. Should I tell her the truth? I feel like that will make me seem desperate like that I think she’s all I can get or something. Or would she like that I’m all hers? I mean I’m gonna have to move on too after awhile I just want us to have a chance. I think even though she’s an idiot I am going to forgive her. Our marriage and family are more important then her daddy issues. She’s not a slut or anything I was not treating her right, she wouldn’t clean ever and didn’t work so I was very cold toward her just staying home watching TV and destroying the apartment while I work a full time job. She finally felt out of love enough to try and get away completely so I forgive her for the whole guy thing she’s just the type of girl who moves from guy to guy pretty quickly. Its just too early to decide divorce though. We never even took a night apart. No counseling no groups. It’s just not right for my son and I want him raised by his parents. She has really wrecked this but I just can’t seem to hate her I want her more than anything in the world. Thank you

    1. Annoymous says:

      I am blessed and honored to have found this site. My warmest most heartfelt thank you to you Jeff sir.

  41. Glen says:

    …what about this scenario…

    You meet a woman who you really enjoy. You are both adults with a past, and for the most part, you can accept that…even knowing that she had a wild & free sex life with men more successful than you. You both decide you are special to each other, and you both want to take it to the next level. As you both have had sex lives prior to meeting, interested in protecting your sexual health, you both get the full battery of STD tests – including HSV 1&2 IGGTest that IS NOT included in the standard STD testing (you ARE NOT tested for herpes unless you specifically ASK). You have always had protected sex with past partners, while she never did. The results come back: all of your tests read negative, while she has high positive genital genital herpes result. You love her & the past is the past. You comfort her and help her to feel whole and loved. At the same time, it begins to eat at you that you will never be able to enjoy a carefree, complete, spontaneous sex life with her as all the big shots before you did with her. Even when HSV outbreaks are not present, skin shedding of the virus is a risk – even if she takes Valtex every day. You are TRULY sleeping with every other person she has ever slept with…and to compound things, they are a class of people you dislike. This is my current reality. I can never show the woman I now love, spontaneous & unprotected physical affection without putting my sexual health at permanent risk. I am beyond clear that a bad case of genital herpes isn’t terminal, but it is a life-changer. I’ve never met anyone who would ask for it, nor anyone who has herpes who wished they didn’t have it. I love this woman dearly, but her past is literally right there with us every time we make love. Awesome, huh. Really trying to get around this – ideas? Similar experiences?

    1. mercy says:

      I only had a consult done with Jeff last week and I’m starting to see results already. I would recommend Jeff and his coaching to anyone out there looking for help, don’t waste any more time with other programs cause he’s the best.

    2. wallace says:

      I think many of these guys are jealous their girl’s exes got to have unprotected sex with them. They don’t like to imagine the girls allowing these men to penetrate them and explode their sperms deep inside their good Christian girls’ “innocent pussies…”
      They feel this way because their girlfriends won’t have sex with them (due to their Christian “purity” lol) or if they do sleep with them, make them wear condoms.

  42. Glen says:

    Please consider this comment

  43. Carol says:

    After 2years together, my boyfriend left me because he couldn’t get over my past. I tried to save our relationship but nothing I said or did worked. Wish I’d found this website sooner… 🙁

  44. David says:

    Been searching for a site like for so long. Found out my girlfriend loved taking it up the arse twice a month for six months with guy. Then just left and hardly spoke.

  45. Chuma says:

    I was suffering from herpes std from one crazy bitch who slept with dozens of men. Stay away.

  46. Bernard says:

    Chumps the lot of you. Get a grip, she loves you now and doesn’t give a crap about guys she fucked.

  47. Sam says:

    How long will this take to get over? and stop thinking about the past?

  48. Santana says:

    This is such a crock of shit.

  49. linda jane says:

    After being in relationship with markiss for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there.

  50. Crl says:

    Eugh, dealing with this as well for over a year with my partner, it just doesn’t go away, ever. Its like a gut instinct that comes back just as strong the more I love.. Why are women so slutty these days?!

    1. Mr Truth says:

      To answer your question. Women also love sex A LOT!!

  51. John T says:

    There is another common characteristic that I find in almost all of the women that have a lot of sex with many different men. They are free spirits and they want to enjoy life to the fullest. Nevertheless, most women (and men) realise at one point the value and comfort of a serious committed relationship.

  52. Matt says:

    Just 20 minutes ago I went through my girlfriends phone and saw she messaged ex fuck buddy. I am in hell.

  53. Olly says:

    Easier said than done for sure..

  54. Robert says:

    I felt comfortable talking with my girlfriend about the fact she was having random sex with a guy at work. We were making progress. Then I flipped out when I found out she was sleeping with TWO guys at work, and I started shouting at her and she left. I will do all I can to get her back. Feel lost without her 🙁

  55. Jimmi says:

    OMG I feel like you’re inside my head. You nailed everything I’m going through.

  56. Sebastian says:

    How can one night stands be viewed as completely innocent events? That’s nonsense. If you are seeking a relationship of commitment, then relationships like one night stands which sex with no commitment is a threat to that. I do not agree one-night stands are innocent at all, it reals being easy insecure, selfish, thoughtless and unable to control lust for meaningful sex with a boyfriend or someone there is a emotional connection with. I could live with a girl having had sex with men where there was a genuine love and commitment, but one-night stands I think are disgusting…if you can have sex with such a low commitment and no love, how can someone who loves that person feel secure that she will not cheat because she has shown with actions that she sees sex as a expression of lust not a expression of love.

    The same applies to guys of cause and women are naive if they assume that a guy with a shallow past, will suddenly be committed with the past not playing a factor. Who we are is in part who we were and what we can hope to be, ues change is possible but its a tough and very painful process which is why so few do it.

  57. John Thomas Simpson says:

    drop that as quick as you can

  58. Chris B says:

    I Thank You Mr Billings because you helped get my life is back!!!

  59. Nathan says:

    My girl is back and am so Excited, My life became devastated when my girlfriend sent me packing, after 8 years of RJ that we have been together. I was lost and helpless after trying so many ways to make my girl take me back but I bought Jeff’s course and it and his coaching helped me sooooo much. I’m forever grateful thank u so much.

  60. Chris says:

    Hahahaha you guys kill me. Leave the beeatch!

  61. Churchill says:

    Solid advice. Good work Jeff.

  62. Larry says:

    I hope to save enough to buy your course Jeff.

  63. Barbara says:

    Recently found my partner of the past year has pretty much been a novice porn star. Gangbangs, multiple partners, public sex, bar room and bathroom sex and to top it off an occult group sex orgy thing. I mean…COME ON??? Things that should have been put on the table before it got serious. Being a lesbian couple doesn’t make it any easier as many think we are all this way to a degree anyway. I want to make it work but this is a lot to deal with. On top of this now I worry about health surprises.

  64. Ronald L says:

    Plagued for so long now by my wife’s slutty past I dont know if I’ll ever get over this.

  65. Debbie says:

    I lost my 10 years relationship last month. I dumped him because I couldn’t handle his slut shaming. Seek help guys before you ruin your relationship.

  66. Wayne says:

    Girl sleeps with 29 men. Girl meets boy. Girl tells boy about 29 men. Boy gets RJ. The End.

  67. Troubled guy says:

    I met my now wife when I was 24. I was a virgin and had never had a girlfriend. I always got plenty of female attention but always wanted to wait until I was married before having sex, so I hadn’t done anymore than kiss 4 girls.

    After my now wife and I first kissed she told me she had slept with 5 men. I was completely gobsmacked as i thought her number would have been 1 – she had been in a long term relationship for 6 yrs and was only 23 when we met.

    This has caused lots of problems throughout our relationship but she is the only woman I have ever loved and still do. We dated for ten years before getting married.

    I have mostly been able to force any thoughts of her past to the back of my mind until recently. We have been married for 5 years and have two beautiful children with another on the way, but for the last few months I have been consumed by images of her past relationships entering my mind. It almost seems like an obsession. I try to think about something else but my mind seems to be controlling any rational thoughts i might have.

    I can’t look at her without getting either angry or sad. I have struggled with this for 15 years but mostly kept it in the background. Atm, I feel almost paralysed. I can think of nothing else when I should be thinking of my pregnant wife and my beautiful children. Our marriage is on very shaky ground and my wife is distraught.

    I crave to know the details of who and why while knowing that this is entirely self destructive. I am rational enough to know that my behaviour is completely irrational but i can’t get through this.

    Has anyone else felt like this or had professional help?

    1. Jeff Billings says:

      Sorry to hear that! Your repetitive thoughts about your wife’s past is something you need to get a handle on if you don’t want it to ruin your marriage. Get in touch and we can talk about your options for recovery if you like:

  68. Colin says:

    Been suffering from RJ for 6 years now and it aint going anywhere.

  69. Shane says:

    I don’t buy this. Women who sleep around should be trated as the sluts they are.

  70. Keith says:

    Iam getting better slowly thanks you your course Jeff/ Thank you.

  71. Stuart says:

    Great post Jeff.

  72. Mia says:

    I always thought my jealousy would go away over time but it doens’t. If anything it’s getting worse. Help!!

  73. Byron says:

    If anyone on here is wondering whether to buy Jeff’s book, GO FOR IT. It helped squash my jealousy really quickly. You won’t regret it,

  74. Paula says:

    Trying to find out why my boy friend is treating me this way. This post has been an eye opener, thanks

  75. Marlon says:

    I see a lot whining on here. Best to just suck it up and get on with life or you’ll drive yourselves crazy.

  76. Monica says:

    After being in relationship with him for 3 years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all other ones out there.

  77. Jason says:

    Jokers on this page. . like seriously your upset your girl screwed 2 dudes? 10? 50? Who cares?!?!!?

  78. Tariq says:

    Еvery wеekend i used tօ pay a visit this website, it has help me so much with getting over my girl friend past.

  79. Victor says:

    This blows any site about retrograde jealousy out the water. Hands down. Good Work!!

  80. Leland says:

    What can I do to get my mind off the thoughts when they enter my mind? They come in and then I can’t get rid of them no matter what i do. ..

  81. Ozz says:

    I just want to go back to before I knew about her past. I was fine then. Nothing’s changed in our relationship, she’s great, but now I know what happened I can’t get it out my head. I just want to go back to not knowing. Is that possible?

  82. Les says:

    I found this site through reddit retroactive jealousy thread and looks like I need look no further for info on this subject. A big thank you to whoever put this all together.

  83. Jupiter says:

    Right now I feel better just after reading this. Probably go back to hating her past in half an hour but right now I feel good. Weird.

  84. Meghan says:

    So many stupid comments on here from you stupid men. So it’s okay for you to sleep with 100s of women and have 3somes ONS etc but we’re not? Idiots.

  85. Frances says:

    Has anyone on here bought Jeff’s book or had coaching? Does it work? I’m at my wits end and ready to give it a go I think.

  86. Kenny says:

    Wow so much hate toward women on here. It’s the 21st century dudes…

  87. Freddie says:

    I have noticed that most of the comments on here are either “Why are you with that slut?” or “Thanks Jeff I feel so much better.” Don’t know what side I’m on yet. Peace

  88. Matty says:

    Smokin post Jeff 🙂

  89. JD says:

    Ԍreat.. So now I’m suppose to believe all this is normal – she can bang as many guys as she wants and it’s all ok. right..

  90. Sick of Double Standards says:

    Why isn’t there an article like this about a BOYFRIEND’S sexual past? Why is it acceptable for “modern, liberated” women to act like complete whores but not for men?

  91. Ross D. says:

    Everything you write Jeff resonates with me so much. I only just discovered your site so I’ve got a lot of reading to do 🙂

  92. James says:

    Every morning when I wake up my girlfriends past is the first thing I think about. Then it hangs around in my mind all day and is the last thing I think of before I close my eyes. What kind of madness is this? I’m otherwise a successful guy, handsome, plenty of ex girlfriends, women find me attractive, I earn more than most and yet I’m plagued by this shit day in and day out. It needs to stop but I don’t know how.

  93. Tival says:

    Ι was able to find good advice from your content. Thanks jeff sir.

  94. Yannick says:

    I tell you what bothers me: knowing some guy has taken my girl up the arse. I know too many details and its killing me.

  95. Manny says:

    I love this site. Straight talking no BS on how to get over RJ. Thanks Jeff!

  96. Johnny says:

    Do you do discounts on your book? I can’t afford it right now but want to buy.

  97. Anna says:

    This sums up my boyfriend to a T.

  98. Viola says:

    I’m gay and this blog has helped me get over my girlfriend’s past so much. Just wanted to put that out there 🙂

  99. Bo says:

    I’m from China and there is no information on this at all in where I come from. Would like to know more please.

  100. Asmov says:

    Four to five guys in two months before we met…. So hard to move past this.

  101. Ravi says:

    Girls who put it about getting drunk on weekends and sleeping with whoever they like are just whores and desreve everything they get.

  102. Charlie says:

    I see you make some great points Jeff but right now I’m worried I’ll never get over this…

  103. Kevin says:

    Whats the fastest anyone has gotten over this? I need it to end like yesterday. . Driving me nuts.

  104. Yval says:

    Awesome website. Very much enjoyed reading your take on girl’s past. Thx.

  105. Nico says:

    Is it just me or do these feelings only seem to get worse with time not better?

  106. Jack says:

    I’m really loving the content on this blog. Your posts about women and how they’re feeling and why they have casual sex has helped me so much.

  107. Jared says:

    I recently found out my wife once went down on a guy in a club bathroom and then went home with a different guy ON THE SAME NIGHT. And you thought you had it bad? Hahaha.

  108. Shaun says:

    You deserve a medal mate. Saved my relationship no lie. THANK YOU.

  109. Terry says:

    People on here complaining more than remoaners over brexit. She had sex. Get over it.

  110. Delia says:

    It’s not just men who suffer from rj of their gf’s sexual past. I have it with my bf – he’s slept with well over 100 women but won’t tell me how many.

  111. Del Boy says:

    If you know of any man who’s got over girlfriend having sex with 12 guys in 2 wks pls let me know.

  112. Oscar says:

    Hola Jeff from Barcelona. I want to say thank u for help me my rj much better.

  113. Paul E says:

    Уou really mɑke it seem so easy with this post but I feel like I will never get over this.

  114. Casey says:

    u guys r jokers.. Get a grip and dump the bitch if u cant handle d truth. .

  115. Iggy says:

    Reading these comments bothers me.

  116. Lucky Devil says:

    Right before reading this I was ready to give up but now I feel like I can see the wood for the trees. Thank you Jeff, I will be buying your course or getting coaching from you as soon as I get paid.

  117. Thomas says:

    Great post! Bookmarked for my fight against retroactive jealousy 🙂

  118. Brandon says:

    Hey I have a really good question. So I have extreme radioactive jealousy ocd. My current girlfriend and I have amazing sex together and I love her but what keeps me up at night is that she is still friends with every guy she has ever slept with and tons of them constantly text her asking for sex. I have this rage burning inside of me that wants me to beat every single one of them up when they text her. I feel like I want to leave her but I have fallen in love with her and her son. She tells me that I’m the only person going to be having sex with her but I feel like my subconscious is telling me it is a lie. I always want to be with her and in scared when I’m not with her because she hangouts with the guys she has slept with before. Please help me

    1. Well I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much about having retroactive jealousy as it sounds like she’s being quite insensitive if she’s still texting and hanging out with guys she’s slept with in the past. Feel free to drop me a line at jeff [at] retroactivejealousycrusher [dot] com and we’ll work out some strategies.


  119. Ki22 says:

    My gf has slept with around 30 guys, fooled around with my brother. And some of these guys are still in her circle of friends. All of these things make me sick to my stomach. I think about this many times a day, every single day. We fight alot and from my point of view some of the fighting actually comes from these things. She is also moving away in one month for a year on the other side of the country (i live in Sweden btw). What do I do?

  120. Luke says:

    Im 25, I already knew my girlfriend of 9 months had more sexual experience than me, I’ve only been with one other person, and my girlfriend is a little older so I kind of expected it going in. She’s been with four guys, and I’m fine with that. The problem is that about 2 years before I met her, she let a guy she had been friends with for one week have anal sex with her while using sex toys on her. Its so out of keeping with her character as shes very chill and generally pretty inexperienced in life, and yet I cant stop picturing it. It doesnt help that she still has (non-sexual) photos of her with this guy (she doesnt talk to him anymore), he’s dramatically better looking than I am, and she insists that he’s a ‘good guy’. Is this at all a common thing for a girl to do? I cant find anything on any of these websites about dealing with that kind of a past.

  121. Helpme says:

    When we were in high school, my girlfriend went behind my back to be with my former best friend instead because I was too busy with academics, inter-school sports competitions, and managing our school paper. To be fair, the guy were obsessed with her and gave her a lot of presents as he came from a rich family. I used the word obsessed because even when she wanted to end the relationship early on and a lot of times later on, he would threaten her that he will end his life, and the guy’s mother even talked to her just to stay with her son. When I mention the past to her, she would say she regrets everything because she didn’t even really love the guy, she just felt like she had no other choice but to own up to her decision of abandoning me. At some point, she thought she learned to loved him but when trying times came she realized that she really can’t. After more than a year, they broke up and she reconnected with me. Now we’ve been together for four years and everything still hunts me. The worst they did for a handful of times was cunnilingus and they even tried anal at 14. We started off as fuck buddies and the first time we did it, she cried and said that she wouldn’t let me keep her out of my life again.we did everything already but it still gets me down, amplifies my insecurity that even when we were together before, she left me for another guy. I came from a broken family, my mom left my dad for another guy. My father was a mess and died a few years after their separation. I don’t want to be like my father, that’s why I always ask my girlfriend if she really loves me. I just want to get over this.

  122. Will says:

    Hi Jeff.
    My wife died 5 weeks ago and it may seem strange but I’m having these thoughts. I was sometimes insecure during our relationship and worried that she’d had a more varied and enjoyable sexual past than the sexual present she had with me. I was also a little jealous of it having had less experience than her myself. However, we fell in love and I got over it.
    Now she’s died these feelings of inadequacy have returned and I wonder if she was completely happy with me. I’m sure I’m just being paranoid and the grief is clouding what we had which I know deep down was real love and very special.
    It’s still hard not to have these jealous thoughts and they keep me awake at night.
    Thanks for reading, Will.

  123. Charles says:

    Been married for 18 years now and I’ve recently gone back to obsessing over two guys my wife had sex with before we met. Is this normal? I don’t think so. I need help.

  124. Marky Mark says:

    Free your mind and your ass will follow.

  125. Alvin says:

    Any one else think you’re all a bunch of pussies. Get a grip for crying out loud. She had a past, YOU had a past, so frickin what??!?!

  126. Will says:

    This is a great blog.
    Thanks – I can get to work on my rjealosy now.

  127. Your Homey says:

    You make some very good points here. Been trawling Reddit and verious conversations about RJ and this is the best I’ve found.

  128. Andres says:

    My problem is that I was raised in a culture and upbringing that reinforced the notion that men are naturally promiscuous whereas women have to use that vice to their advantage. In other words, since it’s so easy to get with men, respectable women would be aware of that and they would only sleep with someone who commits to them physically and spiritually. My girlfriend, whom I love dearly, is an astonishing person. However she doesn’t seem to fit the vision of a respectable woman that’s so deeply rooted into my mind. I’ve gained insight to my gf’s past based on what she’s told me and although I can rationalize her four sexual encounters as innocent, unfortunate, and normal I can’t get myself to feel the same way. I’m not sure if this is retroactive jealousy or simply a clash of moralities and cultures. I don’t have an extensive sexual history at all.

  129. Barry Obamy says:

    She did it with seven guys while at college which I guess isn’t much but I can’t get it out of my head. This site is bookmarked tho, so glad i found it.

  130. Larry says:

    I think you people need to get out more.

  131. Desperate says:

    Hi I’m 26 and I’ve been married for 6 years, I have a loving and faithful wife and 2 kids, when ever we first got together, and started dating she was completely honest with me about how meany people she had slept with (20) in her count, when ever she first told me I was shocked, because I had never had sex before, we was both 18. She went on to tell me she had also been molested at a young age and, then went down a dark path of drugs, sex, and drinking, even to the point in which she was raped, she never stopped even though now she says she never injoyed it, and that it was more of a drunkin fuck , and more of being forced then willing. Until she had gotten with me at first I was to worry about coving up my end. I didn’t want to be seen as this inexperience person, I wanted to try and relate to her is someway, so I lied, I said I had slept with 3 others. (Witch I end up telling her the truth about a few months later.) when ever things started to become serious, after about a year of dating. she had gotten pregnant, then that’s when all of this started. I felt trapped, at first then the images started running though my head over and over, of her and other guys. I put it in the past when my son was born. Well now 7 years later it’s all surfaceing again, she’s been seeking help to better herself. Because she finds her past quite damaging, she wants me to be there for her, she has also told me that our sex life is great, but sometime she feels like she did so meany years ago. But I just can’t relate to her lifestory. In my eyes why would you continue to put yourself through that. It pisses me off when ever she begins to talk about her past, call it whatever you will. But I don’t look at my wife the same way these days and I don’t know if I ever will. Will there ever be a fix to this? or will our relationship away be like this?

  132. Dante says:

    Well as I agree with what you wrote, I still find it hard to get over what goes through my head. My sons mother and I been together for 3 years now and we been apart once or twice due to relationship problems. I went on to date someone else for about a month when we broke up and she was furious about it. I told her being with her was always frustrating and we caused each other a lot of grief. While I dated someone, she would leave the house at night and sometimes not come back until the next day. I was oblivious as to what she was going out to do. We were still living together but separate. She left a few weeks after our break up to live somewhere else in town. My relationship with the other girl ended as quickly as I met her. Devastated that I lost two people in a months time I left town and was gone for 4 months for technical schooling. My heart just couldn’t let my sons mom go so easily since I still loved her. I came back to town and asked her to be with me one last time o make things right. I told her my situations and and feelings and became completely opened. I asked her if she was with anyone else after I left and she said no. Well 5 months later I went through one of her old phones and discovered she slept with two men who were complete strangers off a hook up one night stand app. She videos of herself being sexual and body pictures and sent it to them. She has never done such a thing with me before, and like you said jealously was fueling my emotions. She had sex once with one guy and e times with the other. That explained the nights she went out on. She not only lied to me but kept a secret that bothered me so much. I never thought shed do such things. I fussed at her for it and just lost myself emotionally. Now I can’t look at her the same anymore and these flashes of her being with those other men angered me. It taunts me everyday. And we hadn’t been near each other for a while now. She tells me sorry. But it doesn’t help.

  133. Jim H says:

    My story..
    Dated a girl who was 19 at the time. She was a Virgin and insisted on me being her first. I was… After a few months she moved 5 hrs away. After being away and staying in touch, she started telling me she wasn’t the innocent girl anymore and told me of intimate things she was doing.. I got discusted after 3 months and stopped contact. We reconnected a year and a half later when she moved back home. We immediately started up a relationship. After reconnecting and getting to know her again she would constantly talk about being broke and would “tease” about being a sugar baby, dancer or stripper… As time went on signs of promiscuity started to surface as well as suspicions of being and escort or sugar-baby.. the end result was me finding 8 sugarbaby, seeking arraingenents or escort type websites with her profile..
    the confrontation ensued with denials of course and indications of 2 lovers in the 1.5 years away.. that number slowly increased to 4, then 7 and now we are at 8. She stated only 1 of the 8 was considered a boyfriend, but she never randomly hooked up in bars or had one night stands. She eventually admitted to providing sex in exchange for money with a “John” from a website. Literally, pictures exchanged (cock pics) and the meet in a hotel, $ provided and sex given. (I’m sick typing this). She stated she was in a bad place in her life and only did it once. She stated that after she cried and felt ashamed and never did it again. . She said after that she vowed to change and value herself and intimacy more. She started dating a few months later (her first boyfriend). And indicated she stayed in the monogamous relationship until we reconnected. She constantly reinforced that all her promiscuity was before the escort incident. And she has not been with anyone since we reconnected. We have been together 7 months now and this is just coming out. In addition, she has since told me about two drunken one night stands with men from a local bar… sex in the parking lot, parked car that happened after we reconnected and were intimate..
    obviously, I’m extremely upset and every conceivable image of her performing for these men are consuming my mind… obviously i doubt the truth and believe there are many other “johns” and random one night stands… How do you believe when it was lied about from day one..
    In the 1.5 years apart she was a literal “Whore”.
    I’m disgusted…

    I care about this woman and trying to understand, forget and continue the relationship.. it’s only been a few days since discovering these things but it consumes me…. she is 22 now.
    I’ve asked her for the truth about more men, she gets angry and says “I told you”, there are no more..


  134. SHELLY DENT says:

    After being in relationship with him for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, ..that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there.

  135. Mike says:

    I really need a little venting and advice, I’m 16 years old and my girlfriend is 16 years old. I love her so much and we’ve been dating for a while now and I know most likely we won’t stay together for ever as we’re just teens but it still messes with me. She lost her virginity when she was 14 years old and had a boyfriend for a year and a half. Then after they broke up she went around having sex and giving out hj and bj’s. This really messes me up because it’s always in my head and I know she loves me more than anything but it’s the constant thought and the image I get from everyone as I’m now known as the guy dating the slut. We are so close and it really hurts me thinking about breaking up with her because hurting her will destroy me. We’ve never fought but I really struggle with this. I might buy this book but can I get some small bit of advice for until I get it because this really fucks a guy up mentally. I’ll sometimes be laying there and just think about it and I just get so angry. Pls help

    1. Hi Mike, your girlfriend’s sexual past may seem important at the moment but I can help you realize just how unimportant it really is. Drop me a line.

  136. Don says:

    I met my wife when we were both 18. She was engaged to a guy she said was her only partner. She was very religious, dressed conservatively and seemed sweet and innocent. She left him for me so I was never really too jealous. We were together for six years before we married. 33 years later I find an old diary of hers and read it. Wish I had never touched it.
    Turns out she was really wild starting at age 14. Many hook ups and she fell in love with any guy who looked at her twice. At 17 she as going out with guys who were in their mid 20s. She went out with three guys in one week while she was in love with another guy. No boyfriend, just a lot of hook ups. She kept writing about not going all the way – but did everything but. She described one encounter where she did things she was too disgusted to write down. Yet she wrote about how she cried when she got home from the date because it was not some guy who she really loved. She did write a long poem about the guy she did disgusting things with. When he called her for another date, she said she did not want too, but could never say no to a guy.
    This was not the sweet innocent girl I fell in love with. In the almost 40 years I have known her she always insisted she had only had sex with one guy who she was engaged to.
    When I confronted her she got mad and said what she did before we met was nobe of my business. She did admit to dating one guy (while we were together) who forced himself on her. Then she admitted that she didn’t really want to have sex with him but just could not say no.
    After a few days she saw how deeply her secret padt hurt me she told me (while we were having sex) that she had never done anything more than kiss before her fiance. She said I must have misunderstood what she had written in her diary. No. I read it dozens of time and still have a copy. Now I really don’t trust her since she lies so convincingly. I am sick over it. Especially the guy she did “disgusting” things with. I keep picture her having anal sex. I am sure she gave blow jobs to many guys. She was really good at oral sex when we first met, I was just too inexperienced to understand why. I had one girlfriend before her. We dated for three years and pkannec yo get married. We had sex only once. We did other things.
    I now picture my wife blowing random older guys whenever we are intimate. Her lies got me thinking and now I am sure she had cheated on me. Over the years there would be periods of time where she was distant towards me and gone a lot. She would go shopping for six hours and come home with nothing, or she would go visit a girlfriend and come home late. I asked her if she had cheated on me she said I would only ask such a question if I was cheating on her. I asked another time and she said it “was not in her nature” but did not say no. When I pushed she said that she would never do anything like that, but did not say no.
    So now I am suspicious about her fidelity and cannot get the image of her blowing random guys and taking it up the ass out of my head.
    She is not the woman I thought that I had married. Her lies have only made it worse. After 40 years I don’t feel I really know my wife and I don’t trust her anymore. I am so sad and depressed. I wish that I had never read her diary. But the images are burnt into my mind. Ten months later and it has not gotten better. Sorry for such a long post but I have not shared this with anyone else and I think I needed to get it out.
    Thanks for the blog. It does help knowing that I am not the only guy with issued over RJ.

  137. Blake says:

    This is incredible. I am going through this exact situation at this very moment, and it’s driving me insane. I had an intense affair recently with someone, and basically then fell in love with someone. Immediately before meeting me, she had slept with five guys in three weeks after a long term breakup. The very night before we met, she had a foursome with two girlfriends and some dude. It’s driving me to the brink of insanity- I didn’t even know her then. But this “retroactive jealousy” is exactly what it is. I feel possessive, jealous, and slightly judgmental. I never had that much wild sex when I was her age. At the same time I am open minded, but not when I am emotionally involved with someone. It’s totally the opposite with her. She couldn’t care less who I slept with. There’s more to it, but I’ll leave it there.
    Other articles on this topic point out that it also has a lot to do with your own self-esteem, insecurity, and this is also absolutely true; it’s my problem. I have to either get over it, or leave her and move on. I have no idea how. I am skeptical that a few internet articles will help free myself from this intense anxiety. But it is already affecting my opinion of her. It’s totally irrational.

  138. Anonymous friend says:

    Hey man,hope you’re doing well. I was on the same boat as you several months ago and even posted about it here just like yourself. I was in the biggest dilemma with myself. Notice that I said “was” because since then, I made the decision to break up with my now-ex-girlfriends and move on. It was the hardest decision of my life and understandably the fallout was nuclear. Coupled with alot of changes in my life (graduating from college, moving back with parents, starting a career) I feel into a depression. I couldn’t stop thinking about her and just couldn’t stop thinking that I was weak, insecure judgemental, and a bad person for breaking up with her. Long story short I tried to get back with her but shocker alert, the feeling of “retroactive jealousy” was still there. Now listen to me please. I’m in a such better state now bc I’m finally starting to feel happy and see things with a clear eye. It’s not “retroactive jealousy” it’s not “insecurity” it’s incompatibility. Your morals are incompatible and that’s the end of it. For most people that’s a deal if not all that’s a dealbreaker. My advice to you is stop being so hard on yourself. You’re not being mean or insecure in wanting to break up with her bc of her past. Her past connotes alot about her personality about who she views herself as. You want a girl who matches your vision the dream girl more than your current girlfriend and there’s nothing wrong with her. Your girlfriend’s past is hers and hers only but u don’t have to like it. You can tolerate it bc it was her decision to make but youre still allowed to want and chase what/who makes you more comfortable and ultimately happier. Hope this helps!

  139. Steven in Dallas says:

    I met this woman a year ago. Pretty attractive and we had good conversation until 8am the first night we met. She wouldn’t have sex with me that night but made sure to tell me about this guy who was a fuck buddy and she fucked him the first night.

    Things were casual at first, I turned her down for sex a lot. She started telling me things like, I’m so into you, I think you are the only one for me. I was stupid enough to believe her for a while until I found she was making masturbation videos and emailing them to a bunch of guys at the bar near her house.

    Instead of never speaking to her again, I chose to play the game and act like I didn’t care and do passive aggressive things.

    So she feels comfortable enough to start telling me about her past and present and she’s fucked over 500 guys and girls. At that point I just thought , another slut, I’ll use her for sex and hopefully will not catch a disease.

    Months later, I’m depressed and started believing the lies like your the one I’ve been looking for. So on a whim I married her at the courthouse. I looked through her phone and found she was a lying whore, sending naked pics and videos.

    Trust but verify. Just bc she is with you will not cure slutty charector.

    She is bisexual and after a few drinks, she doesn’t even try to hide her disrespectful flirtatious actions.

    Divorce or dump these bitches. I’m filing for divorce.

  140. Brian says:

    My question is can one man be enough for a woman that’s had a 3some

  141. Johnson says:

    After reading all of these posts and seeing how many of us men are obsessed (and distressed) by our g/f’s and wives sexual pasts, I realize now the comfort and wisdom that remaining a virgin until marriage would have provided us with. But of course that is a rarity (and unrealistic) these days. I’m old enough (almost 60) to remember when there were still women who were virgins at marriage; or at the worst they’d only been with one or two men.

    But today–egads–the number of men that most women have been with is shocking–and sickening!! 50? 60? And more? What a nation of whores and whore chasers we’ve become.

    For most men we live in a dreamland where we wish that the woman we fall in love with had never had sex with anyone before us. That we were the first and the last. And that they would only want us for all time and never anyone else. We want to be the prince or the knight in shining armor.

    But of course that’s not how it is. Most of us have been horny creatures unable and unwilling to curb our urges. And so we submit to our raging johnsons and throbbing vaginas and go mashing it up and sucking and fucking–and then we’re left with the consequences—STDs, guilt, ruined reputations. And then we go out next weekend and do it all over again. Always looking for that next set of panties to remove; that next set of big breasts to suck; that next tight pussy.

    And then we conjure images of our woman schlepping another guy’s pole and it brings about jealousy but WE ARE THAT OTHER GUY. We men have put so much pressure on women to hand over the pussy that they have–and now we have scores of women who are just as vile and slutty as we men have been.

    We’ve pressured women to lose their virginity and to submit to every vulgar act we can place upon them. And they have and now we find that they’ve become as decadent as we are. Tit for tat–or tits for twat.

    We have become an adulterous generation and we are reaping the harvest.

  142. The Absolute Truth says:

    Just like that song back in the 70’s that said, so many men, so little time, how can they choose.

  143. Albert says:

    Im 25 years old and this is the first time in my life ive been feeling so insecure about my penis. i’ve never had a complaint from anyone i’ve had sex with. But i feel like i have a small penis now. I’m recently dating this girl, and its good. She tells me she loves me and loves my penis. But shes also a very open girl and she told me she once had a thick dick like a soda can, when we were talking about just past relationships. It was a mistake. There is a reason i never talked about that kinda stuff with my past relationships. She didnt say it was better or thats what she prefers cause she tells me its not. But ever since then I feel extremelt unconfodent in myself. Feel like i dont have any value or sex is pointless. I keep feeling theres no way she feels the same. I know i dont have a tiny penis because i dont i am definitely above average. But based off of what she said i feel like i have a fkn sardine. Really just want to go back to how I used to be where i didnt even notice or give a shit. And just knew that i was fine. I dont want to have to keep asking her. But I also dont want to keep thinking about it anymore. Its gotten to the point where i want out of this relationship because i have these rushing thoughts of it occuring randomly at any giving time and my day week or mood is messed up. So toxic for me mentally. I dont blame her for doing it shes entitled to having her sex life prior to me. And i know shes with me now but thinking like that isnt really helping. Im just confused because ive never felt like this before and i need some peace of mind. Having sex with other people is what i feel i would need to do for me to feel “worthy”, but i dont want to do that because i do love her. I looked into it and it appears i have some sort of retroactive ocd/jealousy but idk how to go about it. Any advice on what i should do would be great.

  144. No name says:

    I am 23 and my girlfriend of 4 months is 20. After 1 month of dating I noticed she was snap chatting a few guys so I asked who they were and she told me “just some old friends “ well a couple weeks go by and I asked about these guys again and she finally admitted that she has fucked both these guys in the past. I’m not gonna lie I got pretty heated and I asked if she’s fucked all the guys on her friends list. She then told me she has been with 8 guys (2 she was raped by) and I couldn’t believe it. She is only 20! Idk if I have this feeling of judgment because I have only been with 6 girls and I’m almost 4 years older. But it eats at me. Most these guys she wasn’t even dating. I love this girl and I want to be with her. It just scares me because she lied about these guys. She tells me she doesn’t talk to them anymore since I got upset but can I really trust her?

  145. Anon says:

    It doesn’t help that I was a virgin and she had a lot of sex with her ex-boyfriend of 9 years!
    I don’t feel special for her anymore, I gave her my virginty, she can’t give me hers anymore, I feel very sick and a lot of revulsion towards having sex with her because another man had his dick and his fluids inside her, and I see her broken hymem as permanent mark from him.
    I think I will leave her so she doesn’t have to deal with my issues, I love her so much but I can’t accept her past. Sex is a big deal for me, and looking at how bad it went for me, I don’t think I will be with another woman again, because as I get older, there is less chance that I find someone with equal conditions as mine.

  146. Jon says:

    My high school sweetheart cheated on me after 7 years with a male stripper. We haven’t talked in 18 years and now we are back together. In the back of my mind there is the looming thought of am I really satisfying her. I don’t know how to make this feeling go away!

  147. Sebastian Waddy says:

    Hi Jeff, I really need your advice. Or from anyone really. I’m currently smack in the middle of this kind of mess.

    The two components of this jealousy defeinitely makes sense to me. My ex has always had insecurities about whether people will ever actually stick around, and when they don’t she seems to jump to the closest warm body she knows she can get close to. Literally, she told me that just a few days ago. She told me her entire sexual past because I learned last week after I told her I had a friend in my life I had sex with once in the past when we weren’t together. She resented me for it, made me feel guilty, and then a few days later realize she had done the same thing with her friend. She took a hard look in the mirror and told me everything. She jumped to this guy Ian, who had hit on her via Instagram, and kissed him out of spite of what I had told her. She told me everything about her past too and it really really worries me.

    She’s told me about so many stories. A weekend cabin trip with friends, she ended up sleeping with 3 of the guys and one of the girls and having a threesome. Three girls in the same weekend (Pride weekend, she’s bi). Her trips abroad and away were always eventful, a dude in Morrocco, guys in Madrid, Mexico City, women too. Why do I care so much? After relationships like ours, and heartbreaks in her past, she will go out and find someone immediately to fill her void and literally. I’m part shocked (judgement) that she was even like this, and partly jealous. I always told her I wanted a threesome and I never have. I don’t know if I resent her for all of it.

    Not only that, when we were together, she seemed insatiable. Almost everytime we had sex, she would ask me if she could give herself another, often asking me to please her whilst she did so to help her out. I did it all out of love but it made me feel like I was incapable of satisfying her. Now that I know all of this too, I don’t know what to think about our opportunities moving forward.

    She told me all this because she said she wants to get back but she doesn’t want to hide anything anymore and she wants to change, and I would need to know this before I considered anything like that. I really did love her, and not sure if I still do, but when we were together apparently she didn’t have any issues being faithful, and honest. And I do believe her.

    Someone please help me? I considered her to be the one who I would eventually call my wife.. I don’t know if I resent her because if I do, I can’t be with her. And If I don’t, can I trust her? Knowing her past, and the reasons why she did all those things? She never believed anything could last longer than a night, she always doubted us and apparently now she realizes what she let go of and what she has done.. and really wants to prove it to me.

  148. Allan says:

    My brother used to date my now wife
    But turns out him and his mates used to gangbang her . But he has been telling everyone he knows that she was getting gangbanged by everyone
    And she was . But to add insult she was telling her co- workers that she was doing it also . What to do so now I have family members making remarks about her slyly while I’m around

  149. Don M Shew says:

    That was very well put. Im bothered by not as much the fact that my wife has slept with other guys but that she was MY first and then I married her. I never got to experience variety and it’s killing me.

  150. Mike says:

    I’m in a different position than most .. I’m married and fell in love with a beautiful woman 30 years my younger (me 62 her 32). She has a 6 yr old. I’m ok with that. I have a 40 yr old son and 38 yr old daughter who has 2 children. I love this gal. She says she loves me. She’s shared stories of all the partners she’s been with, she’s active in dating apps and shares photos there. If I were to divorce now, and be with my GF, my issue is can she stop the apps and photos? I get seriously jealous of those she is communicating with. Her fantasies of being gang banged scare me. Big dick guys and such too. We’ve been sexually active for 4 yrs … but i cannot get over the fear of her dumping me after I divorce and her wanting younger dicks. I think of her every day … JO to thoughts of her doing others. It’s killing me. I need to get over her or be with her, but cannot decide. Would your book help?

  151. Jude says:

    I’m a girl, and my girlfriend has had… a lot of sex. Meaningless with friends, for money, for relationships, with men, women etc, and It bothers the fuck out of me. I’m trying to overcome it because I love her, though. Acknowledging it and reading about it is a good first step.

  152. Adolfo says:

    Let me start by saying that I have no question that my girl loves me for being a devoted partner/parent with her. And the things we have learned and discover through our 10yr relationship has only made us much more aware of what we need and don’t want for not only ourselves but our 2 beautiful kids. With that said this our relationship has come to a point where she has lost the interest in initiating sex or even wanting to. I understand that she has need for rough sex lately. And now that we are living separated at each other’s parents it’s been even more difficult to even do it. Both of us in our thirties unmarried(I am actually getting ready to propose by the end the month.) and has been acting strange. I feel that we should make time to be more intimate with eachother sexual but every time we do I just don’t seem to last very long. I know she is getting frustrated. I don’t know but this separation has taken a toll on me being away from my family not being able to have them when ever or to even be considered as someone that should be informed when certain things happen. I’m always second or last know. I don’t know if I I’m wrong in how I feel but it does feel like she may not even really be happy with me even if I do propose . She was closed off not really connecting with me and I brought it up to her attention. After like the 5th time of stressing the issue of us not having sex she finally said that she doesn’t really look forward to it becuase I only last a minute sometimes. And that she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. Now knowing that she still has the urge for rough sex I really am questioning my abilities. What should I do to overcome this insecurity and is it wrong for me to even have these feelings of doubt?

  153. Adam9999 says:

    I have massive self confidence issues. I was very quiet and shy when I was young, I was tall and overweight. I never interested the girls and was to scared to talk to any. So I was always passed over. I was a good sportsman even for my size but still nothing. As I got older I lost weight put on muscle and became a pro sportsman. Still shy but women through themselves at me. But the next day I froze and most never saw again.
    My point is I have had lots of partners but I have never been told I was a good lover . I always tried my best to please who I have been with. But never have I herd people say my good he’s great in bed.
    The relationships I have had I have been left for someone more well endowed than me. I’m not small 7” x 6”. And most women I have talked to have always said fatter is better.
    So my partner and I got on so well. We are so alike. She is the best sex I have had by far and so tight down below!!!
    I always tell her how good she is and tell me how to be better. She says I do nothing wrong. But I can’t make her come through normal sex. She always says the sex is good and she always wants full sex. But I still haven’t been able to.
    But we have always been honest. I have told her how many people I have slept with. And she has told me. But hers have been relationships and intense sex. Mine were one night stands and poor sex.
    She also told me about some of her ex’s and how big they were. Far bigger than me. And they made her come sometimes through intercourse alone. She is very hard to make orgasm at the best of time. I have to use a vibrator and I do lots to make her come. I have asked her to be honest and help me improve. But all I get is it’s me not you. She always has her legs together. But says my size is fine. Ok but do I need to do more clitral stimulation. No keep doing what you do. Ok do you actually prefer a thicker cock? No yours is fine. Ok you’re happy with me and don’t want to upset me. I get that but I would prefer the truth. She says no . But she has compared me and I can’t get that out of my head I am not good enough and don’t live up to her past or ever will be good enough!!!

  154. James Pietramala says:

    James Pietramala

  155. Sebastian says:

    I honestly don’t feel like my situation is really explained by this. I just have really mixed feeling because my girlfriend is someone I have been close to for 5 years know and she knew i liked her the whole time. Yet she still had sex with a boyfriend she picked up throughout the years. I honestly would not have a problem with this but, the boyfriend she picked up was very emotionally abusive and although he did not force anything upon her she would do these things to please him. Now i can not help but get mad when i think of the time where she was having sex with an abusive boyfriend she picked over me in the first place and then proceeded to choose me when she left him. She now expects me to get over everything that happened between them when i was by her side the whole time and waited for her. I even saved myself too. I just don’t know what to do because it’s become a real problem for me. please give me some advice. Thank you in advance

  156. C says:

    Im in a unique situation. I knew my now gf for years before finally hooking up and dating her. She is younger by 6 years (im 30 she is 24) and has had according to her 9 sexual partners of which i was #9. She is only my 4th and has had a few relationships and fuck buddies. Rewind to the start. I visited her for the first time since we were kids, it had been years since I last saw her. I tried hard that night but got turned down. We were supposed to have a date 10 days later but she got sick b/c come to find out one of her then fuck buddies who was a marine got her pregnant which means she had to have fucked him shortly after turning me down that night. She tells the guy and he wants nothing to do with her pregnancy or her. I end up finding out and feel crushed. She has me over a second time after this and she says she is keeping the baby and chatted about other weird shit like guys being scared to fuck her now that shes pregnant. Still no sex. Finally I gave up almost delete her number and out of the blue on fathers day of all days(real daddy issues b/c her dad is possibly 3 diff men) she invites me over for the 3rd time. We finally hit it off and have amazing sex, I was over her place every day after that giving her dick and still am. I sort of accepted her being pregnant but feel like im holding on to what could of been had she not got pregnant. A few months after this I find out she has some weird secret with my married brother. I ask her if its sexual and she says no. Time goes on and I pry her again and this time she admits that yes she gave him a bj and swallowed his cum in a kroger parking lot a year before getting with me. It was disgusting to learn and another punch to the gut. I thought she had more self respect and my brother for his wife and kids. She said it was b/c her mom died and it was a bad time during her life. Im still with her and she is about to have the baby from the fuck buddy. This has all really fucked with my head and any time she doesnt want to do anything sexual b/c of the pregnancy it brings up all these negative images and thoughts of her sucking my brother or fucking some random guy. I almost started to ease my mind for a little bit until we were looking at pictures in her phone recently and she gets to on and says ” I remember that day, it was the first time I had a 1 night stand and the guy left me”. She went on to tell me how she talked to the guy for about a month then they went on a date and came back to her place and she had sex with him then he made an excuse about needing his toothbrush and left. Sometimes I wish she wouldnt tell me these things b/c it makes it worse. I too feel like others here in the sense that I havent had a chance at variety before being trapped into this weird love situation. I should probably leave this girl for my own mental health but the sex is still amazing and her body should be going back to normal after the baby is born. Shit even the thought of the baby itself reminds me of her fucking that dude. I decided to give it a shot for a little while and see how things go from here but damn this sucks. At least I get constant pussy….

  157. Chad says:

    She was having sex with her male friend for 6 months after we got together. He is still in her life and became my friend while still fucking her. I found she has been sexting him and others recently.
    Now what is the next step there? She promises to not do any of it again. How am I supposed to believe that.

    1. There’s a line between getting over her past and her still having sex with guys and sexting while you’re supposed to be together. Major red flags here, man.

  158. Justin says:

    My girlfriend claims while I was locked up she let some guy named Julio eat her out they was in his crib and his bed they have had multiple encounters in the past but she claims only that one time they got intimate and that’s as far as it went she also told me she didn’t have intercourse with him or let anyone else touch her like that but I don’t believe her it hurts so much I don’t know if I stay with her or do I leave her please email me

  159. Aw, this was an exceptionally good post. Spending some time and actual
    effort to make a top notch article… but what can I say… I
    hesitate a whole lot and never manage to get anything done.

  160. Dan says:

    I’ve been married for 23 years now and with her for 25 total. I had been with 5 girls before her she has always told me more than 10 but less than 15. We didn’t have sex for the first 5 months we were together. One night three months in to our relationship I was supposed to meet her after work. She was about an hour late getting to her apartment. She was a little drunk and said she went for dinner with some work people. When we got in we started kiss and I took off her dress she asked me to stop I did for a few minutes start kissing again and removed her dress and bra. I moved down and as I was pulling her panties off she asked me to stop I did but glanced at her vagina and it sure looked like she had cum oozing out. I stopped she pulled them up. She took care of me other ways that night. During the night I could only think about what I think I saw. Next morning she is in shower and I see her journal and start reading random pages I see multiple names of guy she works with that she wrote about having sex with and a story about strip poker in the conference room. I’m shock as I flip to last page dated five days previous about having sex with another co worker and how she felt bad about fooling around on me. I confronted her about it she admitted saying she was sorry and that she loved me. I left we eventually got passed it and moved on not many off the things I read really bothered me we talked about a lot of what I read. The only thing that I still really think about is that creampie I think I saw. I never asked her if she was with someone that night knowing she was meeting me. It still occasionally bothers me and I am finally getting the urge to ask her

  161. Bill says:

    I met a girl when she was married to an acquaintance of mine. One time when they were over at my place when her husband Mike said “lets take Maryanns clothes off”. We got her stripped naked when I told Maryann to give mike a blowjob. I took my place doggy style with Maryann while she blew mike. Our clumsy threesome ended and they went home. A few days later I found Maryann and we had some extremely erotic sex.
    After a time they divorced and Maryann and I started a relationship. I knew I had a wild girl and I noticed my body really reacted strongly to this girl. I was much better and more creative in bed than I ever have before. I was much stronger and more longer lasting with her. Maryann told me I really knew how to satisfy her. I knew I was with a girl who cheats on her husband and will readily have any kind of sex with just about any man who wants her. Even tho we lived together I felt as if I was pursuing and catching the wildest girl for the wildest sex. I shared with Maryann that my sexual secret is I’m a much sexier lover when I’m with a naughty girl who brings a lot of naughty experience to our relationship and with conservative women or straight girls I’m really a bore in bed.

  162. JC says:

    I just ended things with my girlfriend over her telling me about past relationships etc. I tried to work through it but just couldn’t do it. I found the things she said to me to be disgusting and I didn’t think she was a woman that I could respect, I felt embarrassed to be with her. The girl I dated before her was a Saint when it came to this, I guess because I took her virginity. I really love this girl I just ended things with but it was torture being with her. What she said hurt me and I found myself wanting to hurt her back. I felt if I ended things eventually this pain will go away. But if I stayed with her it would be a lifetime of torture. I think I made the right decision. It’s been 2 days. I blocked her phone number and I’m moving on. I don’t think I ever wanna fall in love again, I believe I’m better off without it. If I do put myself out there again I need to be very careful about who it’s with. There’s no cure for me as far as this goes.

  163. AKD says:

    My gf had 10 partners in past, many of them left her after sex but she once had a bf who had another gf living in another city, she told me she dated him thinking he will break up and marry her one day , but never happened , she had sex with her best friend after getting drunk , that too at presence of that guys cousin , she told me she was in so love with him and she thought it’s the way he telling her that he loves her too, but he never went into relationship with her , after that she had sex with 3 more people and all of them ending up leaving her , she also kissed many guys past, and I don’t know the count of oral sex, I feel disgusted by her , but I love her allot and can’t leave her , still I don’t know how to forget all these

  164. Anon says:

    I dont get upset when we talk about sex or past partners ever. When I do start to feel funny is when she goes into a lot detail on how the act played out. At first I was like ok, but its happened so often i literally know positions, durations, when they cum, how hard they thurst, how deep a penis was in her mouth when she chocked on his seaman, ect etc. So last night i caved and asked why she was doing that. I have never gone into detail about the actual acts with my previous encounters so I dont know why she feels the need to do it. Honestly I’d like to know if I have a problem here? is it normal to always talk in great detail about past events. Ive never experienced it before.

  165. Alex says:

    I am 22 and my girlfriend is 23, both fresh out of college. We met because we were in the same clubs in college, and were just friends for that stretch until the end of senior year. We started seeing each other casually and I actually found out her number (14, 3 from high school and 11 from college) pretty early on. It didn’t bother me initially, especially since I had experienced causal sex 4 times as well as 2 long relationships, so I felt like I understood. Once we ‘made things official’ I spiraled and started digging. She had kept in contact with some of the people she slept with because it was ‘once’ and they ‘decided to just be friends’ which hurt, but we discussed how it wasn’t right to keep the past around and so she ended them. It’s been 6 months now and I still find it so hard to not think about it constantly throughout the day. Just vivid imagery of the encounters I know and the unhealthy toxic situationships she ended up in. I have been told none of them were one night stands, only people who she had been talking to for weeks or months, and frequently would only have sex with them if she was drunk, claiming if she was sober she wouldn’t have. 10 of the 14 times were just once and she didn’t enjoy it so she never would again. The others range from twice to 10 times, and she even slept with her ex from high school twice throughout college. Only the people who were more than once would she try unprotected, and she said the sex was always bland and bad. I guess I’m just so confused why she kept people around and why she would sleep with people she wasn’t even that into or wouldn’t have slept with if she was sober. She’s told me she never even enjoyed sex until me, it was just something people did and was hyped up. I was the first person to make her orgasm (her friends have even told me this) and she said she finally found what she wanted in me. Apparently, among her friend group she notoriously would wait a long time before sleeping with someone, but her friends are filled with girls who have slept with 25+ guys in college. I’m at a loss as what to think, because I feel if I was single throughout college my number would be the same if not higher, but I wasn’t. That bothers me to no end and I’ve struggled to not judge her for the choices she made when drunk or for the low quality people she allowed to have her in those ways.

  166. Fool In Love says:

    My girlfriend is giving me fragments of information and the bigger picture coming into focus as a bit disturbing.

  167. Jorden says:

    Im really struggling with accepting my girls past. She had a list of every guy she’d slept with that had 110 names on it. She got rid of it for me. Amd she’s been in multiple threesomes, and atleast a 4 way and a 5 way with all men. I’m trying to accept it but man I just dont know what to do.

  168. Rick says:

    So here’s my long story..sorry in advance lol but thanks for reading it and hopefully you guys or girls could give me some solid advice. I have yet to met anyone in my situation so it be interesting to see what you all think from a 3rd person perspective..Anyways here it goes….

    To give perspective, I’m a 33 year old male and my girlfriend is 34 years old. We’ve been dating a little over a year now. Before meeting my current girlfriend during the beginning of quarantine I have been in a handful of serious relationships as well as had my “hoe phases” in between serious relationships. When we met during quarantine we got to know one another very intimately and very fast. Everything was cool because I was just excited to have found someone I got along with so well and was super attracted too. I admit I fell fast and I felt like I had found “the one”. During our Intimate conversations she and I opened up about our sexual history. At first I wasn’t really bothered by the fact she had a pretty extensive sexual history were both adults and I have one as well. However as time went on and reality started to really set in I started to dig deeper. I made the mistake of asking questions..I was curious and felt like information was left out plus we were bored stuck at home. I found out more and more information about how extensive her sexual history actually was.

    After some time it began to really affect how I viewed her and our relationship. I don’t think this would’ve been as big of an issue if her ex husband wasn’t constantly blowing up her phone about it. I then began to ask questions “what’s he talking about?” She was open and honest with me but wasn’t giving me the full stories so it sort of drove me crazy being out of the loop. It’s not my business but it became my business when he was constantly blowing up her phone. So I’m thinking what does her ex know that I don’t. AmI being bamboozled? Is there something I should be concerned about. I’m fully aware there’s always two sides to a story so I my mind began to wonder. However It wasn’t our relationship so I did my best to not get involved but the curiosity was killing me.

    She and I for the most part have a great relationship and she’s been a great partner in many ways but she has a lot going on with 3 kids and a toxic relationship with her ex husband who still try’s to control her. I understand this is a lot to juggle and I do my best to help her out emotionally without interfering. I have never dated anyone in this particular situation so I’m not really sure how to feel or act and I’m just doing my best while juggling my own issues. Long story short, she was married for a good amount of time until he cheated on her. Supposedly after he had cheated she went a bit crazy / wild after that. I can’t be mad at her for that nor do I blame her. Her having one night stands or just using people to get off or feel good about herself by escaping her toxic abusive ex husband doesn’t really bother me either.

    Now here is the part that it gets tricky and the part I just can’t seem to get over or accept. I’ve been trying to get over this particular part of her past for several months and I still can’t. It’s affected not only me negatively but our relationship as well. She’s a bi-sexual woman which isn’t an issue at all I’ve dated bi-sexual women before. The issue I have with her in particular is the fact she had several ffm threesomes and even a swinger type foursome once fmfm with certain types of people including multiple times with the same married couple. I’ve tried studying what about this really bothered me. Obviously no one wants to think of the love of their life doing these actions with others but it was done there was nothing I could do about it plus I already had invested time and strong feelings. I also thought it be stupid to break up with someone just because of something they did in their past when they treat you great and you love them.

    However, for the past several months I contemplated things and began putting blame and shame on her for this upsetting me. I’m aware this isn’t healthy and these actions took place before she even knew I existed. I just felt confused. I then began going in the opposite direction and thinking there’s something wrong with me. I said to myself “it’s her past and I have no room to judge and that she was going through a lot at the time”. “What’s wrong with me? Why am I becoming this judgmental asshole who looks insecure?” So I began to have self-doubt and fell into a state of depression. However I had other thoughts too like “maybe there’s nothing wrong with how I feel and my feelings are valid”. “So what I don’t want to deal with all that baggage and settle down with someone who’s done all that but wasn’t open to explore that with me”. “How could she do that that many times if it’s not something she supposedly even enjoyed? That guy had his wife and family and her”. “What makes that dude so special to have the girl of my dreams as icing to the cake while I get love and monogamy with added responsibilities”. She said “I didn’t care for those people and it wasn’t my relationship and I was in drunken and broken place.” For some love might be enough but mind you I’m a pretty sexual human being and think it’s an important part of a “serious” relationship too. Now I know this is a bold statement but I feel more worthy of having that experience then they do. I feel torn and feel like there’s this constant battle going on in my head. By pulling together all of the thoughts I’ve had about the topic I think I’ve finally come up with why it truly bothers me.

    I believe it’s the fact she shared this bisexual experience with a handful of men and not me. It’s not the woman part at all it’s the fact she shared these mens d*cks and acted all kinky with them. We have great and at times kinky sex since were both experienced so that’s not an issue it’s the fact she doesn’t want to have a threesome with me. Which in a way I respect and honestly don’t even care but the fact they all experienced that fantasy and I didn’t bothers me. They get to come across as “nice guys” while I look like a judgmental asshole for thinking that’s a bit unfair. As immature as that may sound it still bothers me that those men who haven’t invested the same time and energy I have got the pleasure of her sharing their d*ck with another woman not just any women either but their girlfriends or wives and had her as an add on. I know it sounds like it may be a male ego thing or jealousy of these other men but honestly it’s not that it’s the fact she felt comfortable enough to share that side of her with them and not me that hurts the most. Also she claims to be this liberal feminist who’s an anti-male ego person after her husband caused all that damage yet fed these men’s egos while sharing their d*cks. I tried explaining to her that and why that’s a contradiction and why that bothers me. She just said she was going through a rough phase and doesn’t want to relive that and wants to just be monogamous with me. She said she doesn’t want to share me and is afraid If we opened up our relationship to that I may leave her for the other girl. Some may be flattered by that and accept that and let love triumph everything else. She says she loves me the most she’s ever loved anyone and loves our sex and didn’t even enjoy those experiences and it was just a experimental phase. I still think that’s bs. You don’t do something that many times if you didn’t enjoy it. I know our sex is great and I’m confident in that department but the fact she felt comfortable enough with these men to share their d*cks and hook up with another girl at the same time hurts. They come across as “nice guys” while I come across as insecure and jealous. I said I’d be pretty nice too if I was getting that same treatment without all the added responsibilities of a relationship. Like I get it every relationship is different but it just bothers me and I can’t get over the mental images of her doing that with those men and women how she fed those “nice guys” egos.

    To me it’s much more than the sexual act. I myself have had a drunken ffm threesome once and I wouldn’t even care if that was the case for her. It’s the amount of times and who with and how it was premeditated on some occasions that I can’t overcome. She even dabbled in polyamory after her husband cheated and was a “sugar baby” for a minute. Like that shit doesn’t even bother me we all go through shit and explore cool great I don’t care we’re all human and I’m not innocent. I’ve been with twice as many partner as she has so who am I to judge. It’s just the several threesomes and her views on it and me having to just accept the cards I was dealt. I believe my feelings of insecurity about this are valid no? It legit haunts me and sometimes makes me feel like a sucker or inadequate. I know I have my own ptsd from prior relationships and have some issues to work out but I think that would do something to anyone’s confidence especially someone who is sacrificing a lot to be with that person and taking on added responsibilities that those men never did such as dealing with a crazy ex husband and helping raise 3 kids. I love kids so that’s not a problem necessarily it’s just overwhelming especially with her ex still in the picture.

    She said we could maybe have a threesome someday when she felt more secure in our relationship but at this point I think it would just trigger me even more. I also think I’ve ruined it by obsessing over it. Of course I wish she never did those things but I can’t change it and neither can she it’s the fact it’s happened and that side of her was never presented to me and at this point it would just feel forced. So I decided to just try and get over it. Pretend it never happened and I didn’t care. Unfortunately that method hasn’t really worked and I constantly triggered. The mental images continue to bother me.

    So I’m at the point where I’m ready to let go and move on in a different direction and find someone more compatible for me but she’s not giving up and deep down I do have lots of love for her. So I just don’t know what to do. I’ve spoken to friends and family, a therapist, etc. We been together over a year now and we love each other so I even agreed maybe going to couples therapy. Sadly I’m thinking this may just be something I could never accept and that I just need to let her go and move on with my life.

    Am I crazy for feeling this way? Is there something I can do to fix it or should I just walk away?

  169. EricD says:

    Shes now my ex of a month after 7 years .her past didn’t bother me, I think she was fine having sex with whoever, she was freaked by my number.i said I played in a band for 7 years, bouncer at a nightclub in my 20s so of course I did things id prob wouldn’t now. Well after this split, which I knew would happenn.idk why I stuck around, boredom, plus she bought me alot, gave money . But she started fights alot, over nothing.sometimes I didn’t know why she was mad. She would accuse me of things she made up. This was only in last 8 months .she blocked me on fb awhile back, but someone told me bout some guy liking her I asked her who is so and so. She looked suprised. Paused as if thinkingup a lie. Well she is hanging w him now, I know one of his friends, who contacted me bc he goes thought I knew her, then was like she dated eric.he tells me bs she’s saying, etc. I warned him to tell his friend n watch taking her to his family or friends bc she steals medz, money. He told me yesterday you predicted it.she got caught. Well one of her friends wrote me asking whats wrong w her? We talked, she told me somethings that ensured ill never touch her againn.9 guys in a month, in front of people , etc.i told her friend I denied sell w her , bjs, etc the last 2 months bc after all the fights it ruined my attraction to her.i literally get sick if she tries .she was so determined she would make bets she d lose, saying if you win, ill give you head.i win, but later if she said something bout doing it, id flat
    T out say I don’t want it, thought you were kidding. Shes disgusting. She was never like this, she slept around, but this is a whore.idk if its her trying to get me upset, but I don’t care at all.i had someone else waiting already too. I just hope she doesn’t get vd and infect a bunch of people. Heard shes swinging both ways too. She has a tendency to come back, we split before. I told her I want my belongings at yr place, be done w you.dont even try contacting me.i actually hired a lawyer to sue her for stuff shes been telling people bc its ruining things w some people who don’t know me as well.her friend being a witness for me.i sent papers last week, she got em Friday bc she sent super long, angry email.

  170. Mike says:

    Well my Ex Wife turned out to be the real filthy whore that i never knew unfortunately, which is why i am still single today again. And if it wasn’t for that, then i would had still been married to her since i really thought that she was the one at that time. Boy, was i wrong.

  171. Moose123 says:

    I have a couple of friends that got married that still fucked other people,and that went on for 4 or 5 years until one of them got syphilis and gave it to the other and neither knew that they had it for 8 or 9 weeks when they both started to hurt and bleed. They both got treated and they thought that they were all right,but she died and he is pissing thru a plastic tube because his dick turned black and swollen and started to rot off.

  172. Moose123 says:

    I know that people think that it’s fun to run around and fuck other people,but you had better be ready to reap from the pain that you cause. I know of a couple that I use to run around with back when I was in my early 20s,but they went thier way and I went mine,but I was told by the girls sister that she was still running around with other men and her husband did not know about it,but one night they got in to a fight and he accused of of being loose and that he could not cum. But he hired a private eye to watch her and he got the proof with in two weeks,and when he saw those pictures,he went crazy and went and got his 12 gauge shot gun and a hand full of oo buck shot and went home and blew her pussy out of her ass,and then went and found his best friend and did the same thing. So when you hurt some body to the point that they fell that every thing that they have worked for is for nothing,then they are going to make you hurt about like you hurt the,and now both of them that he shot have to get around in a wheel chair.

  173. Bill says:

    I had a threesome with a married couple then one on one sex with the wife a few times before I ended up marrying her. You could say I married a girl who had a threesome with two guys and cheated on her husband. It seems I gave the best sex I ever gave I gave to her. Maryann commented on this and I told her my sexual secret was that I get very sexually excited with wild and nasty girls and have a dead dick with conservative girls. There is a lot of bad sex out there. It is very erotic being with a sexually talented you woman. I told her how sexy it is making her cum all over my cock and balls. I’ve never had a girl even get on top. My focus with maryann was to get her off in my most creative ways. She does little for me but getting her off pleases me immensely. She brought up the threesome we had with her when she was married to her husband. She brought this up while we was watching porn. She told me she had fantasies of doing it again but this time with two 16 year old guys. She was 32 at the time and the age of consent in this state is 16. Naturally this was a turn on for me too in some wild way. There’s sexual things I do with her that I never thought of doing with other women. Maryann told me every guy she had sex with was either she didn’t want to or the guy was using her pussy to jack off in just in and out til he came. One time there was me and her and a foster sister talking where Maryann stated she gave ten guys blow jobs and she didn’t mind them cumming in her mouth. I stated that my sexy wife has had ten different blowjob instructors and further has had plenty of practice in the various ways to please a man orally. I relished her skills. I married a sexually exciting girl who really brought out the maleness in me. I never preformed as well or enjoyed sex so much as with her. It’s also very exciting that Maryann trusts me that I don’t weird out or get pissed about when she was a single girl. I regret that I didn’t meet her sooner, like 15 years sooner!!!
    There’s going to be everybody telling me to get checked or that she is going to cheat. The truth is we have talked about her and another guy the sex being part of our not so vanilla sex life.

  174. Michael Lawrence says:

    When a woman sleeps around that just shows that she is not worth haveing,because she is a Slut at heart,and she will do it no matter what. That is the type of slut that is dangerous to her self. I have alot of friends and over the years I have found out that some of them have divorced,because of the wife cheating,and one had a baby by another man,and her husband did not find out for 17months later and divorced. The way he found out was because the baby got sick and had to go to the hospital,and thru testing found out the kid was not his. He is now in prison because he almost killed the SLUT and the WHORE MONGREL with bace ball bat! You can always tell the ones that are worthless pieces of shit by thier action.

  175. jealous says:

    Well I am woman who is dating a man that in his previous marriage was in the swinging lifestyle. For several years. They had a live in girlfriend. The three of them share. A bed. The whole works. I don’t know how to get past this one. He says that now that they aren’t together he is through with it. He states he perfectly satisfied with Vanilla monogamy. But geez. I’m struggling. And you we aren’t supposed to judge them but we can be kissed by being called vanilla and that’s ok. I wish I hadn’t fallen in love and ran at first notice. Now what?

  176. Disoed says:

    We went out for 3 years lived together
    She asked for 2 week break 2days later she was in a 27 years of age males car
    They went out from feb to sep that year
    We got back together march the following year
    She said they slept together twice

    34 years later I find out they had sex 2=to 3 times a week for 24 weeks
    50 times is a bit more then 2 times
    It won’t leave my head that she lied

  177. Mats Odin Pedersen says:

    Guys, i get it. Life sucks some times, it really does, you can’t get your mind of the thoughts that you don’t want in your head. The ones you wish you could erase. Im right there with you.

    But either way, don’t forget to look at her with dignity, she is still a human. Not a whore or a slut, you may think “well ye it kinda is” and i understand your point, but moral of the story being, she chose YOU. And you chose HER.
    At the end of the day, she still decides to give her love to YOU and not some other random guy thats the equivalent of nothing compared to you. You provide something for her that no one else can. Remember that king.

    Yes sex is something, but it isn’t everything. Love isn’t just sex, you need to realise that.

    You need to tell her your issues, that your feeling sad because of something she told you about her past. Tell her what you need, and if she can’t provide you with what YOU need. Your in a dilemma, because then YOU need to choose wether YOU want to further spend time with this person.

    Im choosing to continue with my girlfriend, even after the things she explained about her past. Yes i thought too much about the things she said, and im sick of it. I’m better then that, i know that im better then that, so dont pitty yourself for something that in reality has no effect on your life.

    Im gonna give my everything to love that girl the best way i can cause thats how i was raised. I’ve done some shit too in the past, i never think any of it. Therefore, what is there to worry about.

    I feel much better now that i know my worth and my girlfriends worth, she makes me feel loved and cared for. She does everything i ask(almost atleast:-) and i do the same for her. Thats how this is going to work, by communicating.

    Love is a language, and sometimes we forget how to speak it.

    Hold your head up kings.

  178. Insights from Korea says:

    All this “retroactive jealousy” thing is a made-up word by non-virgin sluts. When you see food waste, do you imagine and be jealous of who ate the food and threw it away? Likely not. You just feel yuck, genuine disgust.

  179. Moose123 says:

    It is a known fact when a woman has fucked alot of men,then that should tell that she is just a worthless SLUT,and as soon as she finds some body elce with a bigger dick or more money,then she is gone,because she is worthless. She has no morals,and she can’t be trusted,and she dam sure does not know what true love is,she is just a dam gold digger and a worthless SLUT.A man would be smarter to just send her back to her big dick NIGGER and for get you ever knew her! A woman like her is not worth the trouble or the heart ack that she would cause. Get rid of that SLUT because she only thinks of her self,and not any one elce. Alot of women now days are like that,but as soon as you find out the truth, then get rid of that piece of garage.

  180. Dave says:

    Don’t know if you still read replies, but will try anyway.

    My girlfriend had a threesome in the past. I don’t for a second think she will cheat on me or do something to jeopardise the relationship, what bothers me are two things:

    1. She has “had her fun” so doesn’t have a need to do that anymore. The “stars aligned” in that year (she had a threesome 3 times with her friend & the friend’s boyfriend) and says she doubt she will do something like that again. So this leaves me in the situation where I have to accept that a threesome will never be on the cards for me if I stay with her.

    2. The guy didn’t have to do anything to “deserve it”. He was just in the right place right time to get my girlfriend handed to him on a golden plate. This irks me.

    I know she is her own person, I have no ownership or rights to her and her choices are (and were) her own. Me being bothered by this is irrational and toxic. I know this, hence why I am on this website.

    I don’t know how to deal with this.

    I’ve spoken to her about it but it is my problem, can’t make it her problem.

    It has reached a point where I suspect our sex life is going to die because whenever I think of anything sexual (be it her, porn, whatever) my mind conjures up pictures of her in this threesome.

    I’m a normal guy, I used to be turned on my the sight of two girls kissing. Now it nauseates me. Not being dramatic, this is a real problem for me.

    It is definitely going to screw up this relationship. Sigh.

  181. J says:

    It’s not the fact that my gf has had over 100 partners that bothers me (though it used to, more on that below), it’s that it bleeds into our current relationship because they are at parties and other gatherings and, more so, that she would like to hang out and catch up with them if she runs into them. It’s not so much that I don’t trust her as I don’t trust them. She blocks guys when the relationship ends which likely leaves them feeling unheard and with a lack of closure. Her wanting to catch up can be misinterpreted as wanting to reconnect, especially to a guy who has been waiting years for the chance to get something off his chest, any communication is an opportunity to tell her how he feels and maybe make an unwelcomed move. She said if that happened she would tell the it’s not acceptable, but she didn’t say she would tell me about it until I asked some more questions. It just seems like we are inviting drama in our lives by intentionally initiating and/or engaging in conversation with exes. Even if I’m not fearful of losing her, I don’t want the drama that seems inevitable when hanging out with exes. When a connection beyond friendship is made, even if it appears to end, it’s easier to remake that connection, or at least feel it’s possible. Is this something I should let go of?

    I’m not judgemental about her past. I understand that she was looking for love and knew that guys loved sex so she used sex to find a partner only to get hurt over and over again. She also loves, and is great at, sex, which is something I love about her.

    Before I say this next part, I will say that my gf has shown tremendous growth and has realized many toxic patterns that she has addressed/is addressing.
    My ex-wife cheated on me and my gf said she would cheat on me in the right situation. She said she said this in anger to be hurtful (hurting when hurting is another pattern being addressed). The fact that she said it, to me, means that is a tool that she is willing to use. But she has since said that she didn’t really mean it. How do I know what to believe?

  182. Larry's says:

    Well I was wondering what goes on on this website and what all can you do and I was wondering if you could holler at me if you can or you get a chance let me know something

  183. Geoff Armstrong says:

    Excellent article. Just found out my girlfriend had 2 fk buddies on the go same time we met. It’s going to take a long time I think to get it out my head but this helops. Thanks Jeff!

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