Guys ask me all the time, How do I get over my girlfriend’s past? Here’s a typical email I receive on a weekly basis. (I’ve changed the name.)
Hi Jeff,
I’ve been trying various things but still need to know how do I get over my girlfriends past?
I’ve been seeing a counselor for a while but it doesn’t really help. My girlfriend is the best and I love her dearly.
I’m just at my wits end and having been fighting this for so long I’m getting worn out. There are times that I feel better for a day, sometimes days, sometimes weeks.
This last time I was good for a few weeks. I can’t say 100% good but I didn’t let it get me down. But I want to know how to move forward with a good feeling in my heart every day.
Any thoughts or words of advice are appreciated.
Thanks a lot,
Carl
While this is a valid question in many respects, it’s not really getting to the heart of the problem.
This is because the problem is not with Carl’s girlfriend’s past.
The problem is within Carl himself.
“How Do I Get Over My Girlfriend’s Past?” Here’s How
If, like Carl, you want to know how to beat retroactive jealousy, the question you should be asking yourself is not, How do I get over my girlfriend’s past? but, How can I work on myself?
The reason why the second question is better than the first is because, your girlfriend’s sexual past doesn’t exist in any meaningful sense.
There’s nothing actually either physically or mentally that you need to “get over”.
It’s a moment in time that doesn’t exist anywhere outside of your own head.
You know all this, of course, on an intellectual level.
The problem is that you still feel like your girlfriend’s past matters because it’s affecting you emotionally.
You’re having an emotional reaction to events that don’t exist anymore.
But in life it’s not events themselves that are ever a problem, it’s our emotional reaction to them.
Likewise, it’s not your wife’s romantic past, or girlfriend’s sexual history that’s the problem, it’s your emotional reaction to it.
So, in order to answer the question of, How do I get over my girlfriend’s past? you need to first stop thinking of her past as a problem that needs to be gotten over.
Reframe your mind to forget about your girlfriend’s sexual history and instead focus on yourself, because that’s where all the work needs to be done in learning how to cure retroactive jealousy.
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If you need help learning how to get over retroactive jealousy, check out my course “Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy 101” and book “The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure: How To Stop Being Jealous Of Your Partner’s Past in 12 Steps“.
