What To Do If You’re A Jealous Wife Or Girlfriend

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by Jeff Billings in Retroactive Jealousy Blog
February 17, 2016
How to get over your boyfriend’s ex girlfriends

Are you a jealous wife or girlfriend suffering from retroactive jealousy in marriage or a relationship? Or do you have a jealous spouse or girlfriend and are at a loss as to how to reassure them you couldn’t care less about your past?

If you belong in the former camp, you may recognize something of yourself in the following email I recently received from a reader. (I’ll call her Danielle for the sake of confidentiality).

I am embarrassed that I have such insecurities but I do, and it has plagued me in every relationship I have had and can psychically make me sick to the stomach.

I didn’t think for one second that that other people might be going through the exact same thing. That’s why it was so reassuring to find your book, which I identified with massively, no matter how much I have tried to ‘let go’ of the past, I haven’t been able to.

I’m not there yet but I’ve moved forward and will keep working on your exercises. Thanks for being so honest and baring your soul to help others’, it is much appreciated.



Jealous Wife vs Jealous Husband – The Stats

Retroactive jealousy is most commonly associated with men rather than women. I haven’t done the maths, but I definitely receive more book orders and emails from men fretting over who their partner once canoodled with, than I do from women.

Why is this?

Well, as I wrote in an earlier post, men tend to suffer more from sexual jealousy over who their partner once had casual sex with, whereas women tend to suffer more from emotional jealousy over who their partner once fell in love with.

These are broad generalizations, of course, but speaking from personal experience, plus the hundreds of emails I’ve received, men just don’t really care about ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands in the same way women do about ex-girlfriends and ex-wives.

The reason why retroactive jealousy is more prevalent among men than women seems to be because, in today’s day and age, women are enjoying the most sexual freedom they’ve ever had in their history.

This means there’s an awful lot of casual sex going on, and hence, an awful lot of retroactive jealousy in the guys they end up dating or marrying.

Times have changed so much over the past few decades that men are still having a hard time coming to terms with women’s sexuality.

That being said, there are many, many women who suffer from retroactive jealousy and are at a loss as to how to overcome jealousy in marriage or a relationship.

The truth is, despite what Danielle and many others think, retroactive jealousy is extremely common in both men and women.

Although men tend to be more prone to it than women, women can suffer from it just as violently as men, and it can cause just as much damage to a relationship.


How To Overcome Jealousy In Marriage If You’re A Jealous Spouse

If you’re a jealous wife and want to know how to overcome jealousy in marriage, the first step you need to take is to recognize the fact that you’re suffering from retroactive jealousy. You can read a definition of the condition here on my FAQs page.

The next step is to immediately shut down all negative forms of behavior that are making your jealousy worse.

This includes quizzing your partner about their past, getting into arguments with them over it, snooping through their phones, email and Facebook accounts, and trawling the internet looking for answers as to how to overcome retroactive jealousy in marriage and relationships.

All of the above is merely keeping your jealousy alive in your head, and so you need to try to stop ASAP — as hard as this may be.

For help with this and in overcoming retroactive jealousy for good by figuring out exactly what you’re suffering from, why you’re suffering from it, and what to do about it, check out my book: The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure: How To Stop Being Jealous Of Your Partner’s Past in 12 Steps.


It’s designed for the jealous wife, girlfriend, jealous husband, boyfriend, and everyone in-between. Feel free to contact me in the comments section below if you have any questions about the book or need some advice on retroactive jealousy in marriage and all types of  relationships.


— Jeff

1 Comment
  1. Danielle says:

    I def have a problem with my bf’s past. Like it just burns me up whenever I think about it, like I’m angry with him over it but I don’t really know why. It’s in the past, right? Why should it hurt so much now? Feels like he’s cheating on me every day but I know this is ridiculous.

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