Retroactive Jealousy or Different Values?

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by Jeff Billings in Retroactive Jealousy Stories
January 31, 2020
Retroactive jealousy

Author: Richard (49) from England, in a committed 2 year relationship with his girlfriend (45)

Number of his sexual partners: 2

Number of her sexual partners: 30

How long have you suffered from retroactive jealousy?
2 years

How much time a day do you spend thinking about your partner’s past?
2 hours per day on average

How did you find out about your partner’s past?
Her attitude to and experience of sex was immediately apparent from the things she said, did and asked. I began to wonder and eventually was driven to ask her questions which for a while became obsessive. Now I am too disgusted to want to find out any more.

Have you talked to them about your retroactive jealousy and if so what happens?
Yes, she understands to a point but thinks I should just get over it.

What bugs you the most about your partner’s past?
1. The sheer number!
2. The casual nature of many of them
3. The level of experimentation
4. The thought of her being used and ‘filled’ by multiple men

Is your partner still in contact with their ex-lover(s) or does your partner contact them?
Yes, she lives next door to her ex husband

If you could get one image out of your head regarding your partner’s past, what would it be?
Her giving oral sex

Is there anything else you’d like to share? Fire away!
I have purchased and got half way through Zachary Stockill’s RJ self help course, but it was useless. The biggest challenge I have is knowing whether I am doomed to fail because my sense of sexual morality is so far out of kilter with my girlfriend’s. Is there any point?
I suspect if I were to date a woman with far fewer historic partners it would be much easier. I have no problem with what I describe as ‘legitimate relationships’. I do have a massive issue with 30 men screwing my girl, many of them just using her for casual pleasure.


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1 Comment
  1. Dee says:

    I’m going through a similar issue. My fiance and I have been together for over three years. I expressed in the beginning of our relationship that I wanted to know nothing about his past, names, details and of it. I was fine until a spat we had just recently. In the beginning, I asked the number, he answered 100,I was shocked and disgusted but I left it alone. I have a moral dilemma with promiscuity. I have been with 5 men total, including him, all of them I was in love with, I was actually engaged to them all but it never worked out due to other problems not associated with past relationships or jealousy. So I asked him what kind of motive he had mentally to be able to sleep with so many random women that he didn’t know in such a cold and callous fashion? He responded with she had an amazing great fantastic ass. I was crushed, I’m still crushed. I know Im being self righteous by asking about his mental capacity but I really do feel like something is wrong mentally with people who behave this way. He has continued to go into details that I specifically ask not to hear due to knowing myself and how I look at these people and now him. I don’t want to feel this way but anytime I say I’m hurt and ask for his help through it, something mean or even worse comes out of his mouth. I don’t know how this became so ruthless. I even stated in the first months of our relationship that comments about other women, especially your past, will hurt beyond repair, please refrain from using them, and that was ignored. I know I’m insecure and that’s a bad quality but I made him aware of what would devastate me and he still said it. All of the women with the exception of 2 were one night stands. That’s my main issue, I’m sorry to rant but that isn’t how I view sex, it’s supposed to be had when you’re in love with someone as that expression. I saw the moral headline and I wanted to see how wrong I am I guess.

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