My Wife's Casual Quickies on a Construction Site

Author: Jane (58) from the UK, married to her wife for 10 years (57)

Number of Jane’s sexual partners: 8

Number of her wife’s sexual partners: 4

How long have you suffered from retroactive jealousy?
Most of my adult life within this and two other relationships

How much time a day do you spend thinking about your wife’s past?

Most of the time at the moment

How did you find out about your wife’s past?

When we first started dating she happened to mention how she liked white shirts because of this married man she worked with with and had a short affair with, I believe it lasted a few months back in 1993. We met at the end of 2009 and this would have been early 2010 when this conversation happened.

She went on the say how she fell for him with his blond hair and blue eyes. She also said that she was flattered by the attention and how he obviously made it clear that he fancied her.

Her marriage was in trouble, she had found evidence that her husband was trying to or maybe had already cheated on her. She was in a bad place, lacked confidence and was low in self-esteem, hurt, miserable and lonely.

She responded to the attention and their affair/fling started. What stuck with me was how she described him as if she still remembered him fondly but also said that she regretted cheating. She has always made it clear that should never tolerate cheating from me and that if i did it would be the end.

Have you talked to them about your retroactive jealousy and if so what happens?

Yes, when I am not making sarcastic or judgmental remarks, she is understanding and tries to help and has been very patient with me to the point where she has explained and give me the details of what and how things happened, how she felt and what she did about things.

However after my relentless quizzing and picking, she has run out of patience, says it has brought back memories of something she regrets, had forgotten and wants to forget. She says she won’t talk about it anymore because it is making me and it worse.

She has gotten angry and we have rowed about it and it is starting to affect our sex life because she thinks and feels at times that I am trying to re-enact what he did to her although as i am not a man, i can’t fully.

She gets angry when I start quizzing her after we have made love about him and the affair. I have made her feel cheap, used and small as I have taken her back to that time and to those same feelings she had after she had had unenjoyable, rushed, unsatisfying sex with him, where he had just used her for a quickie in a Portakabin (construction site cabin) three times.

Tell us what exactly you’re jealous about in her past?

At that time, she used to wear black stockings with a black suspender belt under her skirts for work as she found stockings much more comfortable than tights.

The physical side of her affair started by him driving her to the bank to take out the cash to pay the construction workers on site where he was the site supervisor, so they would go in his Land Rover Discovery and park in a car park in town, at some point they would snog and he would grope her in the car. He also once found a work related pretext to take her to site with him to supposedly show her around but it was just an excuse to spend time alone with her. At some point they had discussed the possibility of checking into an hotel but it never happened because of lack of opportunity.

This next bit is the main bit that keeps running through my mind like a film and is making me feel angry, judgmental and what I can’t get past. Eventually he suggested that they use the Portakabin across the car park from their new offices. Until those had been built, they worked in the offices in the Portakabin. He told her he had the key and to meet him over there for a quickie. As she describes it, they had to be very careful in case they were seen, that they might be caught and also be mindful of who was around.

He would go over to the Portakabin and she would follow discreetly a few minutes or so later, the first time he jumped her, pushed her against the wall of the construction site cabin, pushed her skirt up over her hips, her knickers and stockings down, somehow unzipped himself, put a condom on and shoved himself inside her, thrust a bit, come, pull out, zip himself up, go into the office next door and have a cigarette, leaving her, to tidy herself up, unsatisfied, feeling cheap and used, thinking what was she doing, what had she got herself into, guilty and regretting it. She would then leave the Portakabin, go to the toilets and clean up a bit further, then back to work.

She says she went along with it because she thought she loved him and went back for a second time because she thought/hoped it would be better, this time they did it on the hard floor of the cabin with him on top. Afterwards it was the same again, she didn’t enjoy it any more than the first and felt the same, cheap and used but still she went back a third time.

The third was no better for her than the first and she found the courage and the agency to tell him, it wasn’t working and that she wanted to stop. Eventually the company closed down and they were all made redundant.

After that he started to go around to her house when her husband was out but they just talked. Eventually she even got uncomfortable with that and told him to stop coming around. He called her a couple of times after that but then that stopped and she says she never heard from him again and never wanted to.

However her ex, a woman from before me, has a vague memory that she contacted him about 10 years after that to help with some work on her house. My partner says that didn’t happen, her ex says she is pretty sure it did but might not remember it properly, after all this was 20 years ago. This makes me feel like she is lying to me but logically there is no reason why she would, so I know she is telling me the truth as she remembers it.

What bugs you the most about your wife’s past?

The way this guy just used her and how little he seemed to care about her sexual satisfaction or her as a person, I think he used her as a sex object, like the way he would have used a prostitute with no regard for her as a person.

It makes me angry that she allowed herself to be used like that, she should have stopped after the first time in my opinion, especially after the way he made her feel, cheap and used.

The other thing is that she wasn’t angry with him or revolted by him enough to stop seeing him to talk to and confide in after she no longer had any reason to see him. I guess she still needed the attention and the company as she was going through such a hard and miserable time with her ex-Husband. She eventually came to see the whole thing as a big mistake and something she is not proud of, would never repeat and regrets.

Have you met your wife’s ex-lover and if so what happened?

I haven’t met this guy, he is at least 20/27 years out of my partners life but if I did meet, I would want to hurt or humiliate him in some way.

I very occasionally meet up with her ex-girlfriend for a drink and a chat and frequently chat online. This is because I share similar insecurities with her and her relationship with my Partner was volatile and violent, I saw similar reactions and behaviour from my partner towards me as she had shown towards her ex girlfriend, there have been 3 occasions when my relationship has become violent but we have both put a clear stop to that.

I sometimes chat online with the ex in order to share and learn from her experiences. The main difference between my relationship with my partner and her relationship with her ex is that she loves me more and says that we love each other equally, that I am her soulmate and after 10 years is finally making changes to ensure that she doesn’t lose me. I need to reciprocate by getting over my retroactive jealousy which only applies to her fling with this guy.

If you could get one image out of your head regarding your wife’s past, what would it be?

If I had to choose one image, it would the images of my wife and this guy in the construction site cabin, specifically the way I imagine he pushed her skirt up and her knickers and stockings down, him thrusting into her and the way he would have pulled out, somehow taken the condom off, zipped himself up and slunked away into the other Office to have a cigarette afterwards.

Is there anything else you’d like to share? Fire away!

In the end, the truth about me is I have always felt like a straight man in a woman’s body, maybe if the same technology and medicine were available 40 years ago as today I would have transitioned providing I could be sure I could fully function sexually as a man and for that reason I see penetrative sex as real sex and anything else as mutual masturbation, something that upset my ex-girlfriend and my current partner, so there is probably a strong element of penis envy going on, that I can’t f*** my partner the way this guy did.

This is despite her saying she loves and enjoys the sex we have, she didn’t enjoy the sex she had with him, but did enjoy penetrative sex with her ex-husband in the early years when their relationship was good but could only come by using her fingers on herself. She assures me that she never wants to have sex with a man again and doesn’t miss it at all and it is not what she wants.

I just want to be wanted, I want my partner to jump me, undress me and really show we she wants me urgently and in my head I imagine that is the way she was with this guy. She says that wasn’t the case and I believe her. However it is rare that she jumps me and takes me the way he took her and I would love her to.

She is rarely spontaneous and in the moment which is something I crave from her. She is trying more to be that now so I guess I need to get over this destructive retroactive jealousy and let things go, then maybe I might get more of what I want from her.

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