My Wife’s Past Bothers Me Like Hell

And I Want To Know How To Make It Stop (Right Now)

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by Jeff Billings in Retroactive Jealousy Blog
October 4, 2017
how to get over girlfriends past hookups

“My wife’s past bothers me” is a complaint I often hear from guys.

They say “her past bothers me but I don’t know why. Or how to make it go away.”  But what’s behind such sentiments? And how do you make these feelings go away?

To say that your wife or girlfriend’s past bothers you, means you’re probably hung up on either her sexual history or her romantic history.

In other words you’re either tormented by the casual sex she once had, or how to get over jealousy of an ex.

It’s more common for men to feel anxiety about the former rather than the latter, but this post will cover how to get over your girlfriend or wife’s past no matter what’s bugging you about it.

So let’s dive right on in.

“My wife’s past bothers me” – but why?!

Many men who come to me looking for help because their girlfriend or wife’s past bothers them are unaware that there’s a name for their condition. But there is…

Whether you’re upset about your wife’s sexual past or romantic past, it all boils down to the same thing: you’re suffering from an extreme jealousy disorder known as retroactive jealousy.

Here’s a retroactive jealousy definition you may find helpful.

Retroactive jealousy, retrograde jealousy, retrospective jealousy are all names for the same thing: an unhealthy, irrational anxiety of a partner’s sexual or romantic past.

If you’re upset by the knowledge your wife once slept with five guys in three months, or had a threesome, or enjoyed one-night-stands, etc. then your retroactive jealousy is based on casual sex.

my wife's past bothers me

On the other hand, you may be more jealous of past relationships — who she once dated or was married to in the past.

Being hung up on a wife’s sexual past is more of a classically male preoccupation as a promiscuous woman makes a man’s mind hark back to primal fears of rearing another man’s child.

Being obsessed with her ex, however, is more of a classically female preoccupation as it stems from anxieties about being left to rear a child alone.

However, that’s not say these things are set in stone. Some men may suffer from both, while others may interchange between the two, but they both say “my wife’s past bothers me”.

So my girlfriend’s past bothers me because of “retroactive jealousy”? 

As you’re no doubt aware, a number of different negative emotions are usually felt by the sufferer, including anger, fear, judgment, envy, as well as jealousy itself.

These emotions often manifest themselves in near-constant, OCD-like repetitive images and thoughts about a partner’s past that only seem to grow stronger the more the sufferer tries to shut them out.

Retroactive jealousy, however, is not restricted to internal emotions. The real damage to a relationship can be done when external actions are added to the symptoms.

These can include snooping through a partner’s personal belongings, looking for evidence of their past sexual partners or boyfriends.

Many sufferers of retroactive jealousy OCD, also like to talk to their partner about the past, pick fights, make snide comments, accuse them of being sluts, etc.

Finally, the condition is often accompanied by an intense need to find out as much about it as possible by surfing online for hours at a time keyphrases like “How do I get over my wife’s past?” “Her past bothers me” “My girlfriend’s past bothers me” “My wife’s past bothers me” and so on.

Why am I suffering from a retroactive jealousy disorder?

my wife's past bothers me

There can be a number of reasons why an individual may find themselves in need of some retroactive jealousy help.

Depending on the person, a low self-esteem, being cheated on in the past, witnessing parents’ divorce, following a religion, can all play a part.

However, on a broader level there are also many other factors that can play into the condition, such as societal norms and expectations, evolution, genes, the way the brain works, and so on.

So in a sense it’s not your fault that your wife or girlfriend’s past bothers you.

It’s due to a whole host of internal and external factors, most of which are completely outside of your control. But whatever you do, don’t despair.

Overcoming retroactive jealousy is relatively simple. It can be achieved by following a simple set of rules every day, and so now I’d like to take a look at a key one that will help you stop being jealous of your wife’s past.

My girlfriend’s past bothers me: the #1 thing you must do 

To say “her past bothers me” or “my wife’s past bothers me” means in some way you’re casting judgement on it. Judgement is one of the key emotions that drives retroactive jealousy and so learning to let it go is of primary importance.

What is judgment? 

We all like to judge things, people, places all the time and most of the time it’s fair and natural to do so. However, when judgement takes hold of one thing in particular and refuses to let it go, it can become a problem.

This is what’s happening when it comes to being bothered about your wife’s sexual past or ex-boyfriend/husband. Your mind has learned certain snippets of information about her past, and now has been unable to move on ever since.

my wife's past bothers me

So how do you move on and just let your wife’s past go? 

In order to do this, it can be helpful to return to some of the most ancient and yet beneficial philosophical arguments ever articulated.

Around 175 AD, Roman Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, wrote:

“If you are pained by external things, it is not that they disturb you, but your own judgement of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgement now.”

Sentiments like these have been echoed throughout the ages, and remain as true today as when they were first formulated.

Here are some thoughts on the subject from mentalist and illusionist, Derren Brown:

“Problems are created, not by events in the world but rather by how we interpret those events. That interpretation might involve a snap judgement or a more complex narrative that we tell ourselves, but it is this stage in the proceedings that leads to our problems.

Hence the same event ‘out there’ in the world might affect someone else very differently from how it affects us. Likewise, our judgements about people are in truth responsible for how they seemingly ‘make’ us feel. Nobody, and nothing save our own judgements, truly ‘makes’ us feel anything.” 

So, if you’re saying to yourself, My wife’s past bothers me — how can I make it stop? the answer lies not within your wife’s past, but within your interpretation of it.

Another man may know the exact same details about his wife’s past, and yet not react to it in the way you’re reacting to it. The circumstances may be the same, or perhaps even “worse”, but another man might brush it off, while you end up struggling to learn how to overcome jealousy of an ex or sexual encounter.

Similarly, if you close your eyes a moment and imagine you’re a super confident individual — and really feel that power and self-belief surging through every pore of your body — then, while in this state, switch your mind to your wife’s past, you should find it now bothers you much less.

This proves that your wife’s past is not an intransigent problem that’s set in stone, it’s a feeling within yourself that can change depending on your mood. It’s not a fact in other words, it’s a judgment. And judgments are simply stories we tell ourselves in order to make sense of the world.

Here’s a great little video from popular life coach, Noah Hammond on the subject:

As he says:

“When we judge things as good or bad, we are basically fooling ourselves.

Ultimately, our limited mind has no idea whether or not something is good or bad. It can only grasp on what has happened in the past and then, by calculating all those things, make sense of the moment here and put a label on it as good or bad, right or wrong, awesome or not.

But, all of that is so LIMITED in perspective because we have no idea what the future will bring.”

So in order to stop thinking “my wife’s past bothers me,” realize that it’s just a story your mind has constructed. Doing this will help free yourself from feeling “my girlfriend’s past bothers me” and instead enable it to see it for what it is — a fantasy that doesn’t exist.

If you’d like some further assistance in getting over your wife, girlfriend, husband or boyfriend’s past, join me for some one-on-one retroactive jealousy therapy.

Alternatively, I also have a book and course that will help you finally put these negative thoughts and emotions behind you once and for all.




  1. Ramon says:

    Your so right I’m gonna use this method

    1. Thanks, Ramon. Good luck!

    2. Tom says:

      I’m currently going through this right now and not cooping well with it. Married , kids and 10 years of marriage I find out my wife was just having sex with lots of guys just cause from start of high school… Now I’m lost and not understanding, she won’t give me the details I need to understand… who , how long these actions lasted and does it have anything to do with why our intimacy has been off for so long now looking back .. Mentally I’m just not right about it and raises so many questions…

  2. Michael Burch says:

    Your article is very informative, but I believe my situation may be different from most of the typical “my wife’s/girlfriend’s past bothers me”. Most of the posts I’ve read seem to imply the individual who’s “bothered” knew about his wife’s/girlfriend’s sexual past early on in the relationship. However, I didn’t find out about my wife’s extensive sexual history until we’d been married for 19 years! When I asked her why she didn’t tell me about this before we got married, she said “I didn’t want you to think badly of me”.
    When we first started dating and I knew she was “the one for me”, I had to tell her that I was currently married but was separated and going through divorce proceedings. I had no way of knowing how she’d react to that knowledge. For all I knew, she could have told me to take a hike. However, I knew that if our relationship was going to succeed, I needed to be completely transparent with her and let her make an informed decision as to whether or not she wanted to continue in the relationship.
    Obviously, she did not share my commitment to complete honesty and transparency. I’m sure I would have still married her, but at least I could have made an informed decision and known that there were no “secrets” or “skeletons in the closet” with regard to our relationship.
    What makes this even more difficult for me is that other than having sex exactly one time while I was in the Navy, I would have been a virgin on my wedding night (first wife). Other than the relatively few times my ex and I had sex (which was always very unsatisfying since I had no clue about what to do because of my lack of experience), I only had sex with one other girl (which was also horrible for the same reason) before I started dating my current wife.
    I know her colorful sexual history wouldn’t bother me nearly as much, if at all if I’d had more of a “normal” teen life with some sort of sexual experience. However, as I explained above, such was not the case for me, unfortunately.
    As I came to find out after 19 years of marriage, my wife started sexual experimentation with several of the boys in her neighborhood when she was 12 1/2, and had actual intercourse with one or more of them at 14 (she implied that the first time was with all five of the boys she’d been experiment with over the previous 2 years).
    For some reason, it didn’t bother me for a good while but has started bothering me a great deal again. I find myself thinking about what she was doing on this date in 1971. If she was going to be having sex with one or more of the neighborhood boys on a beautiful summer day in July, or what. She told me, without going into any detail, that the word in the neighborhood was that if one of the boys wanted to have sex, she was to girl to go to. She also told me that she “spread her legs for every Tom, Dick, and Harry”.
    These feelings just won’t subside, and I honestly think I’d be better off knowing exactly what all happened rather than wasting so much energy on wondering. She stubbornly refuses to have any dialog with me about it whatsoever even though I’ve explained to her thoughtfully and sensitively how much it would mean to me, even at this late date, if she’d be completely honest with me about it.
    I just don’t know what to do…

    1. Sorry to hear you’re going through this, Michael. I’m here for coaching if you need to talk.

    2. Anonymous Nigerian. says:

      I thought I was alone with this issue. I’m so glad other men are also having the same issue.

  3. David says:

    This is exactly what I am dealing with right now. My wife’s past is full of so much infidelity, prostitution, three,four somes, tons of guys who she would meet in 30 mins be in the back of a car with. And I’m finding it so hard to feel special when intimate with her because she obviously can have tons of sex that means nothing to her.

    1. Did she have personal issues she was working through at the time? My book The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure may be able to help with this.

  4. Chris says:

    Hi – my friend took my wife’s virginity and I have never got over it after 30 years. We have 2 great sons and a good relationship but every now and again my demons come to the surface and I say something I regret! She has always stood by me but I can’t get the image of them together out of my mind. Help!

  5. Kyle says:

    I’ve never opened up about my situation because I’m afraid it reflects her & I both now that we’re married with kids (besides anyone in her past who knew). My wife was a big time partier in her high school days & we had mutual friends but never knew of each other.. I don’t know all of her past & would be scared to know because I don’t know how I’d feel intimately towards her even though I do know it’s in the past. But what I do know is that she had a couple ‘sloppy’ night with one being she gave 3 dudes head. Whether it was back to back at the same time or at different times it’s still sloppy and happened! Who are these guys? Do I know them? The fact that we’re married now & anyone of her friends or the dudes that know her history can reflect on that and now I’m the guy that put a ring on her finger? Sure she may be ‘different’ now but I haven’t been able to forget it. Glad I found this blog & other men with the same concerns. Feels good to get it off my chest somewhat anonymously!

  6. Jason Legault says:

    I am 38 and wife is 42 amd we got togther 13 years ago and when we met we talked and she told me she had sex only with 1 guy bc she is chubby and we got married and had 1 child and now 13 years later i ran into her girlfriend she used to live with and i asked why they stopped talking and she said bc maybe she was scared i was going to tell u stuff and i asksd what stuff she said oh u dont know i said i guess not and found out she had sex with guys when she was in a bad place in her life going out drinking everynite she had sex with 6 random guys one was with in a room with his friend watching them other was like rough up agaisnt wall sex and other was a guy she met at a bar went outside gave him a bj on his hood and next nite had sex as his house. And other was a guy in bedroom again while being watched but didnt know he was in the room. And her ex long distance bf she seen max. 5 weeks in 2 year realtionship and found out they did everything and anywhere u can think of outside, elavators, changung rooms in stores,parks, cars , in bars, flashing in bars, in back of taxi, the point im ssying when we met she said she only had sex with her ex and was very basic sex and slept together like 5 times, no 1 night stands nothing so here i am 13 years later with her and never got even half that or not even a cpl.of those places or what she did. So i kinda feel like they got something from.her that i will never get bc she gave all her kinky and naughty side to everyone else and i get the innicent quiet boring side of sex with her and it makes me jelious bc i know i am never going to get or experience any of that stuff together which i thought was going to be both our first and find out she did it all.

    1. Hans says:

      Fact 1. All women are whores
      Fact 2 Those precious lips you kiss at night where probably wrapped around dozens of other guys cocks
      Fact 3 That face you look at lovingly many other guys stared at while blowing there wads in her thinking what a stupid cunt she is for letting them fuck her
      Final conclusion
      Use women to shoot your wad in then move on. There not good for anything else. They’ve been used by other guys and other than sex are useless whores. DO NOT EVER MARRY THEM THEY WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE.

      Never a better statement ever made. Angela Michelle Patterson

      1. That Bitch says:

        because you hateful , lustfull , horny ass JEALOUS Small dicked inferior freaks somehow think you own us. like you’re the only one aloud to have a raging sex drive. LOL

        Newsflash ! women can have as much sex as they want ! I hope your wives leave all of you and find better men who appreciate them ! They’re out there ladies. Any man who gets hung up on his wife’s past is a LOSER. Deal with it BILLY. your dick has been all over too probably still has old crusty ass foreign vagina juice under that cap as we speak ! go clean that foreskin and shut the fuck up. so sick of men thinking they own their women. whiney ass pricks.


        P.S WOMEN ARE LITERALLY DYING BECAUSE OF THIS WAY OF THINKING. so fuck right off. I am angry and i have every right to be.

  7. Tom says:

    Glad I ran into this site. I began dating now my ex girlfriend 4yrs ago. When she told me after some time how she had plenty of one night stands, I was sent in a loop of obsession for 2yrs. I always asked for details and begged her how many total partners. Once she ‘joked’ and said 37, but I knew it was truth. I just could never fully recover and let it go in my mind. I should have known better because she was and still is an addict; bulimia, drugs, alcohol, smoking (last 3 is clean for many yrs now). Not only did this bother me but I had to endure her emotional abuse and once I got caught in this cycle of abuse i was obsessively stuck. I thought I was weird and alone in terms of a partners past, but Im glad Im not. While at the same time I wish no one to suffer through this.

  8. Bill says:

    I think the article is a little bit of a simplification of reality – that its all in our mind and how we chose to think about it, and that there is no right or wrong. The idea that there is no right and wrong are just constructs of the mind? How can that be? If that’s the truth, then nothing matters, good or bad.. we can’t live normally if we say that nothing we’ve done matters. The truth is everything matters to a certain degree, else there is no reason to live and no such thing as a meaningful life.

    One of the themes here seems to be one of honesty. Same as my situation. After 14 years of marriage, I find out that my wife has had many more sexual encounters than I ever imagined, which included threesomes. This was a punch in the stomach to me… When you find out that the person that you have chosen to be your partner is really different than what you thought they were. After learning these secrets, even if they happened when they were 15 or 17 or 32 as in my wife’s case, how can any person not be affected by them? You have a new perspective on things they now say and how they look at things. It explains behaviors, comments, that they’ve made over the years in a different way. It changes the person that you thought you knew… its heartbreaking to find the person you have loved for a long time has a different view based on her personal experiences that you never knew was there. It explains why my wife was silent as I tried to provide guidance to our daughter as a teen.. that teen sex can be life changing – pregnancy, and other issues, such as being used by young boys at their sexual prime. etc. She simply said afterwards, “Well, they are just going to do it anyway.” I think teen sex can lead to a lifetime of challenges. Its worth discussing with your children. I was shocked to learn my wife didn’t really care about such things..

    To find out that the love of your life has a totally different view of the morality of sex is very difficult, particularly if you have been lead to believe otherwise, as in my case for years. (yes, I believe there is a such thing as the morality of sex. Not speaking from a religious perspective, just that sexuality can be used in a bad way and can hurt and manipulate, and continued use of sex outside a moral context, can lead to very damaging behavior. Infidelity, dishonesty etc.)

    It’s been said, that the past shouldn’t matter, unless it informs the future… in my case it is informing and extremely disturbing. To say its just in your mind and meaningless seems like an extreme simplification of human nature.

    The theme of dishonestly and a different set of morals at play with your partner (yes even in the past) than what you have or had, can be a difficult, painful pill to swallow.

  9. Charles says:

    I am In a similar situation . 43 years with my wife , she claims she had one steady boyfriend which lasted about3 to 4 years until he dumped her fir another . He told her she is hard to handle. And moved on . She attempted after sexual encounters and claimed to me that she had trouble going all the way and resorted to therapy until the therapist attempted to fuck get as well . Iam sure she eventually went all the way. Her original reluctance she Claims was a result of having that one boyfriend so many years and having sexual intercourse with someone else was difficult . She would go all the way then stop before being penetrated. I find it hard to accept her after so many years after acknowledging the long term sexual relationship she had with thst one boyfriend . Unprotected sex with him and I being her husband who should have been the one deflowering het instead of this other guy. I sacrificed many years for her I feel shortchanged . I even went as far as saying to her to get surgery to reconstruct her vagina tightening and reconstructing her hymen would prove to me get regret for not saving herself for me.

  10. Vincent says:

    Sorry mate, but articles like this that brush off the fine details of why we feel what we feel, why we reason how we reason, can never satisfy the rational mind.

    There are plenty of rational reasons why a judgement is sound, and often that judgement bothers us because that judgement gets violate or ignored i stead of respected.

    For instance, if I slept with your wife and double fist stuffed her, effecting the quality if sex she can have with you later, would you not say thay your irritation is reasonable?

    Or if your wife let 10 men before you do anything to her and prized her time with them more than you, and yet she expects you to be restricted on what you do, and to her you are the safe option and they were the pleasurable option, would your ego not be irritated?


    There are so many people and so many fine details of why men feel jealious of their wives. Often the irritation is worse when a prior act of the wife was done carelessly that effects the quakity of your life together.

    We are humans, and despite the extent of our reason, we all have the ego and simple in us, and it can only take so much burden before the psyche has had enough.

    Simply letting any judgement go would leave you crippled to define your course of sction or perhaps you would be easily made a sucker.

    There is being stoic and there is having no principals.

    No thanks, I cannot let go of my better reasoning.

  11. Mike says:

    I feel exactly same way you do, that I’ll never experience the things other guys got to experience with her in her teen years. She actually told me that she wasn’t the same way with me as she was with the other guys she was with because she was afraid it would “scare me off”, and that she’d “never be like that again”. I feel like I’m being punished somehow and I’m probably the only guy who really loved her and wasn’t just using her sexually. Who in their right mind wouldn’t be curious about what in the heck she must have been doing sexually back then?

    1. Lumaca says:

      Speaking from purely a male perspective, this form of jealousy is totally natural, and while I don;t want to minimize the author’s mission or intent, I dare say there is absolutely no way to just “make it go away.” Any attempt to do so is little more than cuckold training. Harsh but true.

      Women are almost always more sexually experienced than their boyfriends/husbands because females enjoy unrestricted access to sex They basically just have to show up. Men have to work for it, i.e. be attractive, fit, somewhat successful, and very confident. So as the man who made the ultimate investment in her (or the one considering it),, you know full-well that these are the types of guys that you’re girl is attracted to from a purely sexual perspective; and are also the men who know her body as intimately as you do.

      It is soul-crushing to know that this woman you love and hold so high did some of the raunchiest things imaginable, things she’ll never do with you, with men who probably didn’t even have to buy her dinner. The insecurity is paralyzing and there is no way to overcome it because it’s normal and correct. She obviously views them more sexually than she does you, and women will tell you this in their own way with statements such as “I could never do that with you.” That is female code for “you’re the safe, boring, good-enough guy that I’ll settle with. You don’t awaken those primal urges within me the way those other guys did, so I know you won;t stray.” That’s the truth, and no man wants to be that guy.

      So please, if you are in a relationship, try to find out as much as you can about her sexual history in the most tactful way possible, and do it very early on. Be playful about it, like you’re okay with it. The more at ease you make her feel, the more she will disclose. What ever she tells you, maintain your poker face, but make your decision accordingly gentlemen.

      1. Disillusioned MGTOW says:

        I want to thank the men here for sharing your pain. Sincerely, it is much appreciated! You have helped me and undoubtedly others.

        I’m a single man who has tried to maintain moral standards in my life. Yes, I’ve made mistakes in relationships but I cannot hold a candle to the supposedly Christian women I’ve dated. Honestly, I’m convinced that inwardly women are even worse than men. Like sexual animals driven by biological compulsion.

        I’m Middle aged now and never married. I think I’m done with these women. Even though I can easily date It’s useless to try to sort through these goats trying to find a woman I could even try to trust. Dating them has been bad enough. I can’t imagine being trapped with one.

        The sexual revolution has destroyed marriage in the west. It’s only a matter of time now.

  12. shawn says:

    i give up….drives me nuts and my wife doesnt care….so o well……just thinks im nuts

  13. Bill Larson says:

    Fact 1. All women are whores
    Fact 2 Those precious lips you kiss at night where probably wrapped around dozens of other guys cocks
    Fact 3 That face you look at lovingly many other guys stared at while blowing there wads in her thinking what a stupid cunt she is for letting them fuck her
    Final conclusion
    Use women to shoot your wad in then move on. There not good for anything else. They’ve been used by other guys and other than sex are useless whores. DO NOT EVER MARRY THEM THEY WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE.

  14. Jack says:

    My wife was married when she was 20. Was with him for 13 years. She told me I am the second person she has been with. I met her three years after her divorce and we are happily married now 12 years. She dated one guy before meeting me and said she did not sleep with him it did not last. My gut is telling me different. I feel she is lying to me. She also said she had never done oral sex before me as well. I can’t stop thinking about it. I brought it up recently and said just two people right? Me and your ex? Her reply was —well you slept with people too—-I said again—-just two?? And she said yes. How do I move on from this.

    1. abnattitude says:

      Jack.. are you still married?

    2. Andrew says:

      My girl friend of 4 years told me after a year that she had herpes. When we originally hooked up, she told me she hadn’t had sex in a month. I didn’t find out until later that she had sex with 5 different people with in 2 months before that. She has told me her tally is roughly 50+. I’m an idiot aren’t I?

      This is not a joke… this is my life currently. She is literally the warmest, sweetest woman I know. Very selfless. I know that she was mentally and sexually abused in high-school and put on a ton of weight after that. I do realize that she was in a low place at the time and of course like any human, wanted affection and validation. I respect all of that. I just can’t keep those things out of my head, as hard as I try. I feel guilty for even thinking about it. It’s in the past right?

  15. Sonya says:

    Oh my, the men writing these comments really don’t understand that they are further proving the
    points in the article? Please let them read this comment: GO BACK AND REREAD THE ARTICLE, REALIZE ITS YOU AND GET PROFESSIONAL HELP…and tell your wife she’s welcome from Sonya

  16. Tim says:

    My situaation is different. My wife only slept with five men. But she was also friends with an ex and I also knew three of hey boyfriends (two casually and one well). But that’s not it. The issue was she shared stories with my ex about two of the guys and how big they were, amazing in bed, etc. etc and quote “it’s true what they say about black guys” and “she had trouble walking the next day”. So its the combo of knowing the guys and feeling that I may not quite “measure up”. And just when I forgot about her past I came across a box of old letters from some of them in which they talked about her body, sex, etc. So that was a shocker and not sure why she kept them twenty years later.

  17. Joe Shmo says:

    My wife only had 1 lover before me. Me – 0 before her. 23 years later, it bothers me very much. I have to suppress these feelings for the sake of my family but still the monster comes out of me every once in a while. I hate it.

    Thank you women!

  18. a says:

    I was experiencing retroactive jealousy disorder but nothing helped except a new secret relationship. God wants the women to be like that and you better say yes. Take care.

  19. Jan says:

    I thought this was a condition without a name even though this should be a common issue around both men and women. Nice to find this website though! I get problems during night when trying to go to sleep and it´s really hard not to let the mind wander into these areas. My wife has had 10+ sexual partners and some of them I know. They are really awful people that obviously just used her for sex. It brings down my respect for my wife and I just can´t seem to turn this around. I have tried mindfullness, payers and sleeping pills. Nothing is working so far I´m afraid.

    1. Mike says:

      My wife disclosed her past sexual encounter (only her bf did oral sex on her but not intercourse or blowjob) after marriage. I never had a gf, now i feel jealous and frustrated for keeping my chastity or integrity. I can’t overcome the images. Is there a good solution?

  20. Jim says:

    I was married to a beautiful women for 50 yrs. She said I took her virginity at 21. She started getting dementia at the end and admitted she had had sex.with 5 or 6 guys,at work in factory on nite shift over the years and screwed 3 or 4 guys before we got together. I still grapple with this every day now that she is gone. She said she felt better about the confession before she passed. I feel like shit and feel everyone knew but me

    1. Gerald Boudreaux says:

      I know the pain all of you feel. I also live in severe pain from lies. In high school a girl chases a boy until he gives in and dates her. After a short while she wants to have sex. He stares he wants to wait until he’s married. They were both virgins. He gives inand they started having sex. That was 9th grade. In 11th grade she broke up with him for 5 months. She gave him no reason. They started dating and he asked her if she had sex, she said no. He didn’t have sex also. At 18 yrs old she asked him to marry him, so he quit college to marry her. On their wedding day he asked her again about her having sex with anyone else. She looked in his eyes and said NO. A year after marriage she told her husband that she did have sex. She just got pregnant He started to freak out so she told him that she was raped. Her husband seeked justice for her and he got justice. A year after the guy died, she told her husband the truth. She broke up so she could. Fuck that man. She said it was one time . Her husband stayed with her and they had a other 3 children. Still married for 43 years He never got over the hurt and pain over this. He still loves her with all his heart. She is his first love and first time having sex. She is his first everything. Even to this day that fool loves her but suffers everyday. Get this, she hurt and broke his heart 6 other times. She denys this but remember she is a lier. He don’t know he stayed with her after each heartbreak. He. Is a stupid FOOL. I know this because I am that fool.

  21. Rams says:

    Hi after 24 years of marriage I struggle to accept my wife’s past. I just cannot get over it. I love her but just thinking about her being with someone else drives me crazy. I suppose for me on death will cure me. I don’t regret marrying her. I just can’t handle her past.

    1. Yoyo says:

      I’ve been married 10+ years and dated my wife for 5 years before. I knew her past because I was self inflictingly curious early on and it wasn’t as bad as mine. It seems once a year there is a slip up by her and the story changes. I usually just get the truth again on the situation and tell her I need to time to work through it. What I’ve learned is if I’m allowed time, I deal with it and I’m numb to it. I’ve been told about ex big penis size, never one night stand lie, gay sex, dating while we weren’t serious, rape was even used to explain a couple of encounters which was a lie.

      I love her, I’ll probably painfully deal with any slip ups through my life. I just wonder if I should have a 14th sit down to get it all over with at once.

      I was open to tell her anything she wanted to know before marriage. She clearly covered to keep from hurting me but it just causes issues down the line.

  22. Tron says:


    Words cannot possibly convey the sadness I feel. Not good enough doesn’t begin to describe the awful emotions I am feeling. Like so many other men here, I too found out after marrying my forever.

    Ladies, we as men, do have the right to know WTF you did and with whom you did so as to make an informed decision about you. At the very least, I want those same experiences but never did for morality’s sake…

    I wish for you to know the excruciating pain; the entrapment you ladies have fostered unapologetically. I wasn’t an animal for your sake but now desire to show you all how savage we can be if provoked. Think your savage, let’s tally up the savagery once I’m done holding the mirror in your face!


  23. Sampson says:

    You are all right! I’ve been married to the same woman for 53 years. I told her everything. She lied through her teeth, both from before we married and during our marriage. She has made an ass out of me from day one.

    When I get the chance I knife her in the back as she did me. I get my satisfaction from knowing I will out live the bitch, and spread her ashes in the garbage dump.

    1. Alexa Graham says:

      Bro Sampson…..KNIFING her in the back? Bro, that’s your wife. I think ya’ll are taking this stuff too far. Seriously and then murdering some old unfaithful bitch, for what? May as well divorce her.

  24. That Betch says:

    This is going to hurt.

    YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY WOMEN LIE ABOUT IT ? because you hateful , lustfull , horny, JEALOUS Small dicked inferior freaX, somehow think you own us. like you’re the only one aloud to have a raging sex drive. LOL Newsflash !
    Women can have as much sex as they want ! Any grown ass man who gets hung up on his wife’s PAST is a LOSER. Deal with it BILLY. You’re lucky she’s even still with you. Your junk has been all over too probably still has old crusty ass foreign vagina juice under that cap as we speak !
    WAKE UP. Either worship the sexy godess in your life. or GTFO. so sick of men thinking they own their women. whiney ass pr!cks.

  25. Ben says:

    Ya know, I’ve been married several times at age 55 I was fortunate to grase the had of a 52 year old vergin , there is a giving that takes place, that last a life time
    I in return gave her my heart,
    Any one who denies the fact of the importance of virtue denies him self a peaceful happy life

  26. Dal says:

    I read Your commentary again and it is sad what you try to put in people’s minds Because ,,I am sure some Of your words
    some people except as truth,, which then it will have an effect on them,, To come up with a name retroactive jealousy is to point the fault on the guy that is dealing with it that is 100% wrong ,,,he has some understanding of the importance of marrage the importance of keeping clean prior too, and knows its a reflection of the character of his wife,, and it hurts,, For you to say it’s jealousy undermines reality, Truth is truth good is good bad is bad sex outside of marriage is bad and has bad consequences it sad the guy suffer,, Cuz he cannot respect his wife

  27. Bob says:

    The reason your wife’s past hurts is because she wasn’t designed by God to have a sexual past. All women are expected to be virgins under Gods law. I’m not even what you would call a good christian but i have enough sense to know that your wife’s past can and will ruin your marriage.

  28. Bob says:

    The reason your wife’s past hurts is because she wasn’t designed by God to have a sexual past. All women are expected to be virgins under Gods law. I’m not even what you would call a good christian but i have enough sense to know that your wife’s past can and will ruin your marriage.

  29. Gabe says:

    I am only 17 years old. I met a girl who was 19. I met her on September 12th of 2020 and we completely fell in love. We already were dating on October 12th of 2020. On October 31th of 2020 I had asked her about her sexual past, and she had told me that the last time she had sex was September 25th and 26th of 2020. I found out (before we started dating that she had been wit many others but it never crossed my mind much) that she had been with 15+ guys. Before her I had been with zero women ever. She was even my first kiss… I couldn’t help but ask her to go into details. I found out TERRIBLE things. I almost killed myself but God has helped me through it all. I believe that God made us for eachother and she is the one who messed up. Today we are living together and I am still struggling deep down with this pain. I fear it will never go away. It has gotten better I admit but you all know what it’s like… I was happy to find out that I wasn’t the only man to struggle like this! Just stay strong men! Always remember that God loves you and that you have a purpose.

  30. George Samuel says:

    Well, here is a thought. Men and women are different hence we deal with things differently. Women would always judge men by their “package” so when a woman has careless sex all over the place as a man, you wonder what she is going to be like now. Just because she says she is changed doesn’t mean much.

    Depending what bothers you, what if she been with guys and if THEY didn’t do something to her, she still would be with them or they may still fantasize about them. You may just be the guy that she felt “safe” with.

    There is so much to these things then just to say, oh it retro jealousy. If you are someone that things that sex should be only be between two people that care for each other and here you have a fast one that sleeps with anyone at any time. What does that say? You may think she is special but to her you just another penis out of the many she had and what if it is not even the best she had?

    It’s like hearing these porn stars say “It’s just work” but then you have to think about these women that have no apprehension to lick, suck, swallow strange men’s body liquids that most of us would be disgusted by. How can she be special to a man? Sure there is always a exception to the rule.

    There women that will say “I cheated because I was missing something” so that means that the guys she slept with “mean” something to her and you are just one of the guys and the only guy.

    There is a lot that goes into this then to just pass this off as oh it’s just how you view it. Sure criminals view things different too, is it right or wrong?

    Honestly, if guys feel that way, they have the right to feel that way. On another note, don’t marry them if it bothers you that much. Simple as that. We live in a society that doesn’t want to be accountable for any of their actions, you only live once and so on. I don’t see anyone out here messing up their credit on the notion “you only live once so buy everything”.

  31. anon says:

    I didn’t find out about my wife’s past until we had been married 30 years. Many partners, many times.
    It’s been nearly three years now without ANY sex or intimacy, because she doesn’t need it anymore. It’s no longer important to her and I should just get over it. She had hers. We even sleep in separate rooms.
    She says she didn’t want to tell me for fear of me not wanting her, and thinking less of her and leaving.
    I do and I would have.
    I have to fake it to get thru the day,
    and feel I am losing my sanity.

  32. Josh says:

    This is chock-full of toxic machoism. You can’t change the past. Don’t marry that which disgusts you. Ya’ll get what you deserve, quit complaining, and grow into real men.


    hoping you never reproduce,

    1. Alphonse Ndihokubwayo says:

      I am a bit comforted to find out that I am not alone in this life struggle .

      I met my girlfriend in a foreign country and we married without any information about her,
      After her first pregnancy with me , she told that she aborted 3pregnancies before me and was having sex with young and old men from 15 years

      I am everyday trying to pray but still bothering me,
      She was receiving calls from married men and find them at various bars to eat and have sex ! She had sex with almost all African men plus some Asians.
      I am very very struggling while we are 8years of marriage!

      But if it will not leave my mind i think I will die early! She narrates them while laughing despite my pain and dying silently.

      Honestly speaking I need counseling because even if I can divorce her ; I can not restore my lost peace because she would live in troubles as she is orphan which pushed her in prostitution for survival before we dated !
      A certain guy sent her a painful message on day saying that her current husband is eating his leftover!!!!

      I am giving a conclusion myself that I left my first girl friend I broke her virginity without proper reason while she shown me even a sign I prayed God to show me that the girl would be the right one for me!

      I am sure God punished me
      When I was young I prayed God that if I would propose a girl and that girl
      Says yes by adding ” I appreciate that you proposed me” That one should be the one ; The girl I her virginity , very quiet and intelligent said so but I left her . I am punished I am sure to marry someone who knows many sizes plus a guy who hurted her one day because of drugs and ended up with pregnancy even though she aborted
      Maybe prayers will help me . I am in a hell marriage.

      +260979607349 For someone who can manage to find me on Whatsapp and help me with Audios
      Please I am dying silently

  33. Joe Smith says:

    After 2 kids and 10 years of marriage I found my wife’s secret “sex list” in her home office. Found out she slept with 23 guys, started having sex at 14 with a 21 year old. They co tinier off and on for the next 7 years as a bi monthly booty call. Some of those times she had boyfriends. Also found out she dated a guy 17 years older than her who was a cook at the bar she worked at. Then I snooped her FB account and saw she routinely searched several of her past flings profile, including the 21 year old perv. I confront her. She acted like none of this was a big deal, even the illegal sex she had as a 14 year old girl. I found all this out literally 6 years ago and have never been able to get over it. I snoop to this day if I’m honest.

    Recently a friend of ours told me she hooked up with a loser guy we know and actually hung out with in the same circle the first year we were married. Wife never once mentioned they hooked up. I feel like just when I think I’m getting over her past, I find out something else either by accident or during drunk conversations we have, which she seems to enjoy discussing when she’s drunk. Which of course makes me think she longs for her past lovers and that our rather boring marriage and stressful life raising kids triggers her to fantasize about secretly contacting one of them again for a quick fuck.

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