How To Stop Being Jealous Of Your Partner’s Past By Being Grateful

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by Jeff Billings in Retroactive Jealousy Blog
July 20, 2016
how to stop being jealous

I receive mail all the time from people asking how to stop being jealous of their partner’s past. While reading these letters, one thing strikes me again and again: Suffers of retroactive jealousy can’t see just how good they’ve actually got it.

I used to be like this too.

For many months I afflicted by the scourge of retrograde jealousy. But while suffering from jealous thoughts about my girlfriend’s sexual past, I couldn’t see what was staring me right in the face:

I had it all.

I had a great job, a nice apartment and a wonderful girlfriend who loved me.

She was not in contact with any guys from her past.

She had no intention of talking to any of them ever again.

In other words, I’d “won”.

And yet…

Still the nagging, horrible sensation that there was something “wrong” with my girlfriend’s past persisted.

I still couldn’t figure out how to stop being jealous.

How To Stop Being Jealous — A Mind Shift You Need To Make

In order to fully learn how to stop being jealous, you need to realize a very important truth.

You’ve got it made.

And so what you need to do is start appreciating this fact a bit more.

Not appreciating just how good you have it, however, is a classic symptom of retroactive jealousy ocd.

Take the case of an email I received from a guy, let’s call him “Ian” from Glasgow in Scotland.

Ian was a young engineering graduate who had recently started dating a beautiful American girl called Leah.

She loved him very much, but he was having a hard time trying to figure out how to stop being jealous after discovering she’d slept with 34 guys.

Ian was also worried what might happen if they ran into one of her ex sex buddies or one-night-stands.

But other than that, they had an ideal relationship.


Here’s part of my reply to Ian’s letter.

As an outside observer your complaints aren’t really standing up. Let’s take a look at the facts:

  • You have an American girlfriend who you love, and she loves you.
  • She sounds trustworthy too, and so I don’t think you have any real need to worry about anything even if either of you did run into one of her ex partners.
  • You talk about escaping the rain of Glasgow and being able to go and live with her in LA.
  • You say she’s beautiful and all of your friends are envious of your relationship.

And so I think it’s worth reminding yourself that there are literally thousands of guys out there who would kill to be in your position.

Now, I know you’ve probably told yourself this a million times before, but try to really make a point of reminding yourself of this every day.

How To Stop Being Jealous By Giving Thanks For What You’ve Got

Many personal growth gurus, such as Tony Robbins advise “giving thanks” every day for three things you have in your life.

Just a simple repeating to yourself of three things that you’re grateful for, every day.

They don’t have to be focused on your relationship, and they can be small things like “I had a great conversation with Dave about UFOs”.

Just put down anything that put a smile on your face, no matter how insignificant it might seem.

This will begin to teach you how to stop being jealous of your girlfriend’s past by making you more conscious of what you already have.

Something that many other guys don’t have, but wish they did.

The truth is, most guys would take a girlfriend like yours who’d slept with 34 guys any day, over not being with her at all.

Instead of focusing on the fact you may run into these ex lovers of hers, focus on the fact that she has chosen you over every single one of these guys she knew in the past.

Live in the moment.

Be grateful for what you’ve got.

And give thanks for it every single day.

This will help you no end in the fight toward learning how to stop being jealous.


Don’t forget to check out my book “The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure: How To Stop Being Jealous Of Your Partner’s Past in 12 Steps” and course “Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy 101” for more help on how to stop retroactive jealousy.


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