How To Stop Being Jealous In A Relationship By Relinquishing Judgment

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by Jeff Billings in Retroactive Jealousy Blog
December 8, 2014
how to stop being jealous in a relationship

If you want to learn how to stop being jealous in a relationship, one of the key things you need to learn is that one of the key emotions fueling your relationship jealousy is judgment. A big part of the reason why you have this condition is because, knowingly or unknowingly, you’re being judgmental of your partner’s choices, now and maybe in the past too.

Learn How To Stop Being Jealous In A Relationship By Relinquishing Judgment

Judgment is often tied up in higher than average expectations. Whether through your upbringing, or experiences in life, you’ve maybe somehow learned to expect your partners to live up to a set of lofty ideals when it comes to what relationships, love and commitment should mean.

If you want to learn how to stop feeling jealous, it’s super important to realize that these high moral values regarding love and sex can have an extremely detrimental effect on your relationship. They can often mean you end up viewing a partner as “flirty,” their past as “slutty,” and their behavior in a relationship as “questionable.”

For example, I once viewed Emma as promiscuous, which was being judgmental about her former sex life. I also spent a great deal of time wringing my hands over the fact she communicated with Jack nearly every day on Facebook, (how much is there to say to one person?) which was being judgmental about her behavior.

The problem is that, by being judgmental, you can end up not only questioning your partner’s choices but also them as well, as a person. You may even go as far to wonder whether you’re really compatible with them in the first place.

Learn How To Stop Jealousy Before It Ruins Your Relationship

Judgment can really mess with the day to day goings on of a relationship. You may catch yourself observing your partner — innocently getting dressed in the morning or something — and find yourself feeling angry and judgmental towards them through no fault of their own.

It may not even matter, for example, whether they even particularly want to go out partying with their friends that night. The fact is, they’re doing it! And you don’t like it.

Suffice it to say, looking at your partner in this way is not a nice emotion to have and can be pretty toxic to a relationship. Especially if you then start rooting around on their laptop for incriminating photos.

Jealousy In Relationships Finds It Hard To Survive Without Judgement

There are, of course, other factors mixed in the melting pot of why we find it so hard to learn how to stop getting jealous, but a very large chunk of them are of our own making when we take the moral high ground and decide to deem our partner’s actions as somehow “not right.”

Personally, when I stopped being judgmental of Emma’s behavior, I took a huge step toward learning how to stop being jealous in a relationship, and I will show you how to do this in my book “The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure: How To Stop Being Jealous Of Your Partner’s Past in 12 Steps“.


It’s time to stop being judgmental and jealous in your relationship for good.


— Jeff

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