Author: Marius (37), male, USA, is in a committed relationship with his girlfriend (39).
Number of his sexual partners:
15
Number of his girlfriend’s sexual partners:
30
How long have you suffered from retroactive jealousy?
20 years.
How much time a day do you spend thinking about your partner’s past?
A few hours per day.
How did you find out about your partner’s past?
It came up in pillow talk early on in the relationship. She was inquisitive as she had asked my friends about my sexual prowess as I had apparently been doing a real good job of taking care of her needs. She had assumed that I was much more experienced than what I actually am and herself.
Have you talked to them about your retroactive jealousy and if so what happens?
It has come up many times as the topic was unavoidable as part of my partners past was very much part of her present. She is actually very understanding of my concerns. I never scold her or make her feel bad about her past. She shouldn’t feel shame because of what she has done, just like I shouldn’t for my past.
Tell us what exactly you’re jealous about in their past?
I am not aware all the details because what you don’t know can’t hurt you right? What I do know of her past exploits are quite salacious. We had a discussion about threesomes. It turns out that in her time she had been with 6 different woman of which 5 were in a threesome environment. Then there were the MWM threesomes as well. I dont know for sure how many, but I do know of at least 2 instances that involved different men in each instance. Her relationship with her ex was described as a Hotwife dynamic. In either case it was definitely an open relationship. Each partner got to do what they wanted with or without the principle partner. The most recent trio that I know of ended about a year before we started dating.
What bugs you the most about your partner’s past?
As I stated earlier, I am not at all upset that she was able to explore sex as she did. My only problems are because of my own regret. That I failed to fulfill my own fantasies. This part is actually probably very common amongst men. We hear that perhaps our woman has had a threesome in the past. As a man that is pretty much the ultimate fantasy. My partner very much cares for me and considers me extremely important and that I will be her first monogamous relationship. Wow, lucky me. Yeah that sounds selfish, but can you imagine?
Have you ever snooped through your partner’s personal belongings off or online?
Unfortunately yes. Curiosity does in fact kill the cat. What you do know and find out can in fact hurt you.
Is your partner still in contact with their ex-lover(s) or does your partner contact them?
The other part of his was that part of her past was very much part of her present. Yup, good ole hubs that got to bed my girl with other women and men is in regular communication because of parental duties. Understandable as a divorced parent myself.
Have you met your partner’s ex-lover(s) and if so what happened?
I didn’t really have a choice on this one. Yes I have seen him fairly frequently and he has even been in my home a few times.
If you could get one image out of your head regarding your partner’s past, what would it be?
The fact that it wasn’t with me or wasn’t me that was fulfilling fantasy.
Is there anything else you’d like to share? Fire away!
As a side note, it has come up in conversation that maybe, just maybe someday if things continue to go good and everyone is standing on solid ground then she might be willing to find someone to bring into the fold. That would be awesome, but I’m not going to hold my breath. In either case we’re happy and going strong. Perhaps I just missed my boat and hopefully will get over this retroactive jealousy.
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