Getting Over A Girlfriend’s Past – When It’s So Hard You Want To Break Up

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by Jeff Billings in Retroactive Jealousy Blog
August 26, 2016
Getting Over A Girlfriend’s Past

Every week I receive emails from guys who are finding getting over a girlfriend’s past so overwhelming they feel like quitting the relationship. Can retroactive jealousy OCD become so bad that you end up wanting to end things with your girlfriend?

In a word, yes.

Someone who suffers from a retroactive jealousy disorder can find themselves overcome by a variety of afflictions, including:

  • repetitive “mini-movies” in the mind of your partner being with someone else
  • constant state of anxiety and sensation of being “cheated on”
  • inability to resist negative, sarcastic comments directed at a partner causing arguments
  • overwhelming urge to snoop through their private social media accounts, phone etc.
  • feelings of frustration, anger, helplessness, judgment and confusion
  • lack of sleep, concentration, appetite and purpose

Bearing all this in mind, it’s maybe not surprising that many guys would rather throw in the towel than keep struggling with overcoming retroactive jealousy.

But is this a wise thing to do?

Well, it depends on the circumstances of course, but in this post I want to take a look at the pros and cons of each approach.

Getting Over A Girlfriend’s Past Lovers By Ending The Relationship — The Pros

1. Your retroactive jealousy will end

The first obvious major advantage to ending a relationship in which you’re suffering from retrospective jealousy is that the condition will immediately disappear.

Once you’re no longer with the girl who talks all the time about her ex-boyfriend, or has slept with fifty guys, your retroactive jealousy OCD will evaporate.

It will often be replaced by other negative emotions revolving around, say, what she could be up to on a Saturday night, but these will pail in comparison to the torment caused by retrograde jealousy.

In essence you will be free.

  • free from the repetitive images of your girlfriend having sex with some other dude
  • free from the constant feeling of being cheated on
  • free from all the anxiety, stress and heartache

2. You’ll be free to meet someone new

Sure, you may not be in a relationship anymore with that particular girl, but there are plenty of other fish in the sea as they say.

This may also be a great opportunity to meet someone new who chimes more with your sense of “moral values”.

If you’ve always imagined falling in love with a girl who’s only slept with three guys, maybe breaking up is for the best.

After all, why should you have to “settle”? There are plenty of girls out there without the “loose morals” of your girlfriend.

So maybe now’s the time to find that special someone who doesn’t have the of your girlfriend and slept with so many guys.

Getting Over The Past By Ending The Relationship — The Cons

1. Your retroactive jealousy OCD will come back

It’s not a certainty of course, but the chances that you’ll end up suffering from retroactive jealousy in a future relationship are extremely high.

This is because the anxiety you’re feeling about your girlfriend’s past has nothing to do with what she did.

It has everything to do with your reaction to it.

Her past is your problem not hers.

So until you learn how to overcome retroactive jealousy within yourself, it’s always going to resurface in a relationship.

As soon as you find out a few details about a future girlfriend’s past, your retroactive jealousy will return and you’ll be right back to square one.

Now, you could always tell this future girlfriend that you don’t want to hear a single word about her past, but this doesn’t mean you won’t end up suffering from a retroactive jealousy disorder.

Not only does laying down a rule like this look rather strange, your jealousy can still return when:

  • she forgets and mentions something about her past
  • someone else mentions her past
  • you accidentally see something related to her past, like Facebook photos
  • you’re unable to resist having “the talk” with her
  • you both run into one of her ex-boyfriends or hook-up buddies

Overall, it can be extremely hard to avoid a girlfriend’s sexual past if you become close to someone.

And if you’re just as insecure as you are right now in this relationship, your retroactive jealousy will return.

2. You’ll be missing out on a chance to improve yourself

Getting over my girlfriend’s past has been one of the most important steps of my life.

If I’d never fallen victim to retroactive jealousy, I’d never of had the chance to beat it. And if I’d never had the chance to beat it, I’d never have learnt as much as I have about myself.

Overcoming retroactive jealousy has taught be so much it’s benefits have been invaluable. I’ve learnt:

  • who I really am
  • how to grow as man
  • more about what’s important in life
  • how to live in the present moment
  • how to be a better boyfriend (now husband)
  • how we can’t really love someone unless we accept everything about them
  • and much more

I’ve written a post about the benefits of getting over a girlfriend’s past here: How To Overcome Retroactive Jealousy, Unlock Your True Potential And Help Change The World.

My Advice: Don’t Bail, Learn How To Get Over A Girlfriend’s Past

Think about it: is breaking up with your girlfriend over something that happened in the past the most rational thing to do?

If you’re happy with her in every respect apart from her past, then isn’t it a little crazy to walk away?

The last thing you want is to look back in five years time and see her as “the one that got away”.

If you need help getting over a girlfriend’s past, you’re in the right place.

I have a course called “Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy 101” that’s been helping hundreds of men and women get over retroactive jealousy.


  1. Benny says:

    I tried Zachary’s book and it sux big time, Jeff’s is sooo much better. Thanx man

  2. Gabe says:

    It feels like this post was written just for me. So on point it’s not true. I wanted to break up with my girlfriend but now am having second thoughts. Thanks for putting me back on the right path Jeff.

  3. Amy says:

    I’m in this boat too. except thinking about leaving my boyfriend. He doesn’t understand what I’m so upset about and it makes us argue constantly. Can’t see us lasting till christmas tbh.

  4. Webster says:

    This explains my situation to a T. I am thinking about breaking up with my gf as I just can’t take these thoughts driving me crazy any longer. I don’t know if I can move past her having been with about 20 guys in 3 years.

  5. Clara says:

    Hi there, just wanted to give a big thank you to you Jeff. My boyfriend took your course and now he feels so much better. We’re repairing our relationship one day at a time but I feel like a lot of it is down to you.

  6. Jay says:

    The thoughts of my gfs past keep me up at night, I can’t stop seeing the images, after seeing this I hope I can apply it to my relationship and change but I really don’t know

  7. James says:

    Just found out that my girlfriends last relationship was with a married coworker and it’s got me to the point I want to walk away. She said she ended it months before starting a relationship with me. I just can’t get past it.

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