I look back on the days when I used to get all jealous of my girlfriend’s past and cringe quite a bit. I often wonder “what the hell was I thinking?”
Making myself (and my girlfriend) miserable for no reason whatsoever.
Getting all upset about things in the past I couldn’t do anything about.
Increasing my risk of developing an ulcer, and so on.
So, here’s…
5 Things I Wish I’d Known When I Was Jealous Of My Girlfriend’s Past
1. You can’t beat retroactive jealousy by thinking about it
I used to spend many, many hours researching retroactive jealousy online, thinking about and being jealous of my girlfriend’s past.
I realized after some time, though, that thinking about retroactive jealousy doesn’t help at all.
In fact, it makes the condition worse because it keeps it at the forefront of your mind.
If I’d known this back then, I’d have stopped thinking and started taking action to overcome retroactive jealousy much sooner than I did.
2. Quizzing a partner about their past doesn’t help
Similarly, I used to be so jealous of my girlfriend’s past I used to quiz her about it constantly.
But this just throws more fuel on the retroactive jealousy fire.
Constantly talking about your partner’s past not only keeps your retroactive jealousy alive, but also damages the relationship.
Pretty soon your partner will grow to think you don’t respect her or him enough, and may even start looking elsewhere for someone who does.
3. Your problem is not with your partner’s past, it’s with you
This is a key lesson that anyone suffering from retroactive jealousy ocd needs to learn. ASAP.
I used to think when I was jealous of my girlfriend’s past that if it was different then I’d be okay.
This is just plain wrong.
If things had been slightly different in the past and my girlfriend had only had two sex-buddies instead of four I probably would’ve felt the same.
If she’d had one sex buddy instead of two, I’d have probably felt the same.
If she hadn’t had any sex buddies at all, but four passionate one-night-stands, I’d have probably felt the same.
When you realize that it’s not your partner’s past that’s making you miserable, it’s your reaction to it, you’ll be making headway to learning how to beat retroactive jealousy.
4. Retroactive jealousy is not as strong as you think. It WILL end
While caught in a cycle of being jealous of my girlfriend’s past, I used to think I’d never beat it.
It felt like an immovable object that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shift.
It wasn’t.
Retrospective jealousy only feels immovable because you haven’t yet taken the necessary steps to overcome it.
Once you put certain routines, methods and ways of thinking about things into action, it’ll lift fairly easily.
5. Your retroactive jealousy is actually a blessing in disguise
It didn’t feel like it at the time now, but the fact I was suffering from retrograde jealousy meant it was time for me to change. To grow as a person.
It meant I was on the precipice of learning something amazing about myself.
It was only through being jealous of my girlfriend’s past though that I was able to discover who I really was.
To suffer from retroactive jealousy means there’s still some development that needs to take place in your mind.
There’s still some emotional growing up to do.
But often it’s a crisis like this that’s needed to make us realize this and do something about it.
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In short, I used to be jealous of my girlfriend’s past until I took action.
Find out what action you can take to also stop being jealous of your girlfriend’s sexual history or boyfriend’s romantic past.
Check out my course “Overcoming Retroactive Jealousy 101” and book “The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure: How To Stop Being Jealous Of Your Partner’s Past in 12 Steps”. Or drop me a line for more info.
