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How To Get Over Your Girlfriend’s Past And Stop Feeling Sick Over It

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by Jeff Billings in Retroactive Jealousy Blog
March 22, 2017
how to get over your girlfriend's past

Learning how to get over your girlfriend’s past can be very difficult when the very thought of it makes you feel nauseous.

  • Has she slept with more guys than you’d like, and now you want to throw up?
  • Has she engaged in sexual acts, like threesomes, or sex in a club, that makes your skin crawl?
  • Has she used f**k buddies for sex in the past and now you feel like scratching your own eyes out?

That sick feeling in the pit of your stomach has a name: retroactive jealousy. (Sometimes known as retrospective jealousy or retrograde jealousy.)

And it’s affecting you now because you’ve found out more information than maybe you’d have liked about your girlfriend’s past.

However, every guy who suffers from retroactive jealousy ends up experiencing roughly the same things:

A vicious cycle of negative thoughts and emotions about their girlfriend’s past.

This usually leads to destructive actions, such as snooping through her belongings, calling her a slut, causing arguments and so on.

All of which can increase in intensity and sometimes cause the downfall of the relationship.

But there’s absolutely no reason why it should.

You have the power to take back control of your thoughts and emotions, learn how to get over your girlfriend’s past and stop letting it make you feel sick.

In this post I want to show you how to get over your girlfriend’s past by reframing your mind when it comes to her sexuality and sex in general.

So let’s get started.

A Case Study In Feeling Sick About A Girlfriend’s Past

how to get over your girlfriend's past

Let’s start by taking a look at an email I received recently from Alan (not his real name) who’s graciously let me reprint his struggles with this very issue.

It sums up pretty well the horrible, sick-to-the-stomach feeling many guys have with their girlfriend’s sexual history.

“I’ve recently started a relationship with a girl from my past.

We had a mild flirtation nearly 20 years ago but never slept together. However, she was quite promiscuous and I knew that.

It’s just that this continued until we got together in March this year and now I can’t stop thinking about my girlfriend’s sexual past.

We were lying in bed after making love the other day, and she informed me that she had sex with a taxi driver years ago to get off a fare.

And that in the last year, before we hooked up, she performed oral sex on a taxi driver in his 60s to get home.

I actually felt quite sick at the thought of the recent one.

My partner is a beautiful looking girl (well I think so) and she should never have had to resort to this level.

She was wasted I know, but for some reason it keeps playing on my mind.

I did say to her I wish you hadn’t told me that, she did apologize and was remorseful about it.

The taxi driver took a shine to her after this and she had to set him straight.

I think I’m more jealous about the fact she put herself at risk rather than anything else.

I just feel consumed by this.

Today in particular as I didn’t really sleep well last night and my mind is wandering all over the place.

I was sitting at traffic lights and got the image of her with this 60 year old man in my head.

Help!!!!”

Now, I’m sure Alan’s story is something you can probably relate to quite closely, so let’s take a look at how you can stop feeling sick about who your girlfriend’s sexual history.

HOW TO GET OVER YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S PAST

Take Stock Of Your Gut Feelings

how to get over your girlfriend's past

If you want to learn how to get over your girlfriend’s past, it’s important to first take stock of just how you feel about it.

Let me start by asking a few questions:

  • Do you regard your girlfriend’s past as “disgusting”?
  • Do you imagine other guys having their way with her?
  • Do you wonder how she could possibly have had sex with these men?
  • Do you think it’s “wrong” that she finds the male body attractive?
  • Do you wish you could have stopped her from having sex in the past?

If you answered yes to any of the above, then you’re not alone.

Many guys get freaked out about the thought of their girlfriend having once found other men desirable and having sex with them.

In fact, it’s far more common than you probably think.

And while not all guys freak out and wind up suffering from retroactive jealousy OCD, no guy WANTS to hear about his girlfriend’s sexual past in any great detail.

So you’re not alone in that respect. The only difference is you’ve taken it to the next level and can no longer shift her past out of your consciousness.

But don’t beat yourself up over how you’re feeling.

You’re not crazy, weird or doing anything you should feel ashamed about.

It’s perfectly natural that you’re struggling with how to get over your girlfriend’s past and the fact it makes you want to throw up.

But I’ll get on to this later. For now…

Take stock of where your mind’s at right now.

Write down all the things that bug you about her past.

And all the things she does in the present — for example, talking about her past a lot.

Let it all out.

Get it down on paper and you should find you’ll have a slightly better understanding of what it is exactly that’s bothering you.

Learn How To Get Over Your Girlfriend’s Past By Putting Yourself In Her Shoes

how to get over your girlfriend's past

Let’s say that, like Alan, you’re sickened by specific events in your girlfriend’s past.

You wonder how she could’ve done the things she did, and wish she hadn’t.

It just doesn’t seem right that a woman should want to get naked with a man and have his penis anywhere near her, let alone inside her.

Her behavior seems to indicate she didn’t care about her body. She seems immoral and slutty.

In other words, everything about her sexual past is just “wrong”.

Now, deep down, you probably know it’s perfectly natural for women to be sexually attracted to men.

But, on the other hand, maybe you can’t shake the feeling that it’s somehow strange and unnatural?

In order to learn how to get over your girlfriend’s past, try putting yourself in your her shoes.

Imagine you’re her, or any woman for that matter.

Through no fault of your own, you are physically attracted to men. And there’s nothing you can do about it.

But don’t just think about it briefly — really put yourself in their shoes.

Imagine what it’s like to be a woman.

Think about all this entails for a while. How does it feel?

Now, imagine you’re attracted to men in the same way you’re actually attracted to women. Does it feel as strange?

Try to understand that if you were actually your girlfriend, then it’s not strange or disgusting to want to sleep with a man.

It’s the most natural thing in the world.

HOW TO GET OVER YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S PAST

The Reason Why Men Struggle With Sexual History While Women Don’t Care

how to get over your girlfriend's past

A reason why women tend to feel less jealous about sex in the past than men, is because they’re more physically attracted to their own sex.

Women often hold hands, hug, kiss, and even have sex with each other sometimes without ever coming close to actually becoming a lesbian.

They’re much more comfortable expressing affection for their own sex than us men are.

And this means it’s that much harder for them to get weirded out by the thought of a man sleeping with a woman.

Many women would like to sleep with another woman too.

It’s no big deal to them, and hence men’s revulsion at the thought of sleeping with a man is completely alien to them. They don’t get it.

In general, men and women tend to suffer from retroactive jealousy in different ways and this is an important fact to remember when learning how to get over a girlfriend’s past.

The reason why your girlfriend couldn’t care less about your sexual history, but maybe gets a little jealous of your ex-girlfriend, is purely down to evolution.

You, as a man, have been pre-programed through your genes to be wary of women who “sleep around”.

This is because, a woman who’s had many partners in the past represents the threat that she may hoodwink you, and you’ll end up rearing another man’s child.

From a selfish gene point of view, this is bad news, and so your mind creates this jealousy to make sure you keep your wits about you when dealing with women who’ve had many partners.

Women, on the other hand, developed to fear losing their man to another woman and being left to raise a child alone.

Hence, they’re more likely to suffer from a retroactive jealousy disorder about an ex-girlfriend as she represents him being in love with someone else and potentially running off with someone new.

How To Get Over Your Girlfriend’s Past: Conclusion

how to get over your girlfriend's past

It’s nothing to be ashamed of so rather than beating yourself up and wondering why you’re feeling this way, own it.

Accept that you have a problem with your girlfriend’s sexual history and write down exactly what you’re feeling.

Get it all off your chest and hopefully you’ll realize a few things about yourself along the way.

Then, try putting yourself in your girlfriend’s shoes. If you were her, you would be physically attracted to men too.

It’s just biological wiring that we have absolutely no control over.

Finally, I would strongly recommend doing some research on evolutionary biology and realizing that retroactive jealousy is a product of our human history.

Again, there’s nothing you can do about this — you’re a product of your ancestors, and in the past they had to make sure their genes got passed on.

Today, that struggle is being manifested in things like getting over girlfriend’s past because the primeval part of our brains is still very powerful.

Logically, you know it’s silly to feel sick about who your girlfriend had sex with in the past, but on a primal level, your mind can’t move past it.

Hopefully, though, by doing the exercises in this post you’ll be on your way to learning how to get over your girlfriend’s past.

If you’d like more help with retroactive jealousy OCD or how to get over jealousy of an ex in general, feel free to drop me a line. Or check out my book The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure: How To Stop Being Jealous Of Your Partner’s Past in 12 Steps:

HOW TO GET OVER YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S PAST

Onward!

— Jeff

1 Comment
  1. Dan says:

    I’m still feeling sick but getting better every day haha.

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