Author: Rebecca (26) from Ukraine, in a committed relationship with her boyfriend (28) for 2 years
How long have you suffered from retroactive jealousy?
How much time a day do you spend thinking about your partner’s past?
Depends on the day. Some days I don’t think about it at all, but when I start, it can take days to go away.
How did you find out about your partner’s past?
When we met, I wasn’t looking for a relationship, so we had lots of sex and talked about our experiences, but when I started having feelings for him, all the information we shared began to affect me.
And I’ve read a lot of things from his messages on Facebook as well.
Have you talked to them about your retroactive jealousy and if so what happens?
I’ve asked a lot of questions about his past. And sometimes a few questions still pop into my head and I feel the urge to ask them. The problem is that they’re usually about the same few people. And he’s sick of that.
Tell us what exactly you’re jealous about in their past?
I don’t have a problem with his serious relationships. The ones who annoy me are the casual flings, the one night stands, the ones he made out once and after some time made out or had sex again, etc.
What bugs you the most about your partner’s past?
I think the main problem is that he’s from a small town. So most of the people from his past can’t stay in the fucking past because they’re neighbours, friends with his friends, his friend’s sisters, etc. Although he doesn’t talk to them or goes out with them, they can always be there.
It’s not insecurity. It’s not like I imagine something might happen. It’s just a situation that bugs me, because he, obviously, wouldn’t be all happy if I went out with my friends and kept bumping into people I had sex with.
Have you ever snooped through your partner’s personal belongings off or online?
Yes, a lot.
Have you met your partner’s ex-lover(s) and if so what happened?
I’ve met one of his girlfriends, who wasn’t a big deal. But I’ve also met two girls he made out and had sex with. They are the ones who affect me the most.
If you could get one image out of your head regarding your partner’s past, what would it be?
The image I have of him making out with soooo many people from his home town, being all drunk at parties when he was single, taking women to his house where he lives now, etc.
Is there anything else you’d like to share? Fire away!
I don’t judge him at all. I don’t have as many partners as he does because I spent most of my life in a serious relationship. However, when I was single, I was even “worse” than him.
So good for him that he enjoyed his single life, but I just can’t deal with it, specially because I know some of those people.
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