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Your Girlfriend’s Sexual Past And Why It Bothers You



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by Jeff Billings in Retroactive Jealousy Blog
August 2, 2014
Girlfriends Sexual Past

Do you get upset about your girlfriend’s sexual past? Is overcoming retroactive jealousy getting you down? Keep reading! 

Often (in fact, very often) the girlfriend hasn’t even had much of a “promiscuous” past in the first place.

Sure, they may have slept with a five or six guys, or had a few one night stands, but for some reason these completely innocent events get stuck in the guy’s head and he can’t get them out.

If the girlfriend’s sexual past does involve threesomes, multiple casual hookups etc. this is obviously not going to help… But, a guy doesn’t need his girlfriend to have slept with large numbers of people in order to suffer from a retroactive jealousy disorder. Quite the opposite.

In order to get to the bottom of this, we need to take a look at exactly what is retroactive jealousy?

I’d like to posit that are only two main emotions that fuel this condition of being upset about a girlfriend’s sexual history: Fear and Judgment.

How Fear Makes You Upset About Your Girlfriend’s Sexual Past

Put simply, on some level a guy who suffers from retroactive jealousy ocd about his girlfriend’s sexual past is scared of losing her, and this is how his mind / ego is choosing to deal with it.

Retroactive or retrospective jealousy is just a manifestation in the mind of its own worst fears regarding the relationship.

So, if you’re a man, what’s the worst possible thing you can imagine your girlfriend or wife doing to you? — yep, having sex with someone else.

If you’re female, by the way, the worst thing you can probably imagine your guy doing is falling in love with someone else.

It’s very important to understand that these repetitive thoughts — going over and over in your mind like a broken record — are, in fact, representations of your worst fear about the present and the future, not the past.

Ironically, you’re not really bothered by any specific ex-lovers in your partner’s past at all; you’re afraid of what they represent.

Intellectually, you know they’re no longer on the scene, but the reason why they appear to be a threat is because they are the people who your mind has latched on to as representations of its worst fear.

In other words, because you have discovered evidence that your partner once enjoyed sex with someone else, you’re now fearful that they may want to have sex with someone else again.

The other part of this fear is wrapped up in how you think your partner feels about their past lovers and experiences.

In some way you fear that if your partner still holds a warm and fuzzy spot in their heart for a previous lover, then that would mean they’re not completely 100% yours in some way.

And if they’re not 100% yours, that means that maybe there’s a chance you are somehow not living up to their expectations and so they could find that missing percentage in someone else.

The confusing nature of dealing with retroactive jealousy is that, in your conscious mind, you don’t actually think your partner will definitely sleep with, or fall in love with someone else, but in your sub conscious mind you probably have a general fear that they could grow dissatisfied with you and so, potentially, it could happen.

Retroactive jealousy is simply a manifestation of this fear, and the repeated images and thoughts are your worst fears being played over and over again in your head. This is why it’s also known as retroactive jealousy ocd.

Now on to the second key emotion which is fueling your retroactive jealousy…


How Judgment Makes You Angry About Your Girlfriend’s Sexual Past

Besides flinging up repetitive images of your girlfriend’s sexual past, retroactive jealousy ocd can also make you see your partner differently, through the eyes of judgment.

Part of the reason why you’re suffering from the condition is because, consciously or subconsciously, you’re looking down on the choices your partner made in the past and the activities they indulged in.

For men, this often means viewing your partner’s past sex life as “slutty.” i.e. how many partners they’ve had, what kind of sex they had, etc. For women this could mean viewing their choice of partner as “questionable.” i.e. who they dated, who they married, etc.

Of course, these are by no means hard and fast rules, and it’s entirely possible for men and women to interchange these emotions.

For example, I once viewed Emma’s sexual behavior before she met me as promiscuous, but I also questioned her choice of sexual partner during this phase in her life as well.

As a general rule, though, if you’re worried by the thought of your partner having multiple sexual encounters in the past, on some level you’re being judgmental about sex.

As a quick test to see whether this is the case, imagine for a moment your girlfriend once had sex with your favorite actor or musician. Would you still be struggling with overcoming retroactive jealousy in the same way about this past event?

Judgment can play havoc with the day-to-day life of your relationship. You may find yourself looking at your girlfriend — completely innocent, say, picking out vegetables in the supermarket — and feeling judgmental, bitter and angry toward them and their past.

It may not even matter, for example, whether they even enjoyed the casual sex they had in the past. The fact is, they did it. And you don’t like it!

Looking at your partner in this way is not a nice emotion to have, and I show you how to eliminate it, and your fears, in my book How To Stop Being Jealous Of Your Partner’s Past In 12 Steps. In it I show you exactly how to overcome retroactive jealousy. For good. It’s the most comprehensive retroactive jealousy cure available.

This post has just looked at the Why’s of being hung up about our girlfriend’s sexual past. To learn the How’s i.e. how to stop feeling these two destructive emotions, click on the link below to purchase the book “The Ultimate Retroactive Jealousy Cure: How To Stop Being Jealous Of Your Partner’s Past in 12 Steps.


How do you feel about your girlfriend’s sexual history? Do my conclusions that it’s down to fear and judgment ring true with you? How are you doing with overcoming retroactive jealousy? Share your experiences here in the comments section! 


— Jeff

  1. marc says:

    The judgement bit is definitely true – i.e. how could they do that with HIM? How could they share their body with some virtual stranger?

    Not so sure about the Insecurity part. I genuinely feel my partner has chosen me and much prefers making love with me.

    I’m not bothered about sex she enjoyed in a relationship. It’s the ‘slutty’ (yes, judgement!) sex she had on a few One Night Stands that triggers my jealousy.

    1. Hey Marc, yes the levels of judgment vs insecurity varies from person to person. Sounds like you’re okay security wise : )

      1. Paulo Jorge says:

        Hi guys, I just wanted to say hang on in there. I was like you few month ago but Jeff really helped me and now I’m so much better.

    2. Matthew says:

      I’m also feeling a lot of similarity to reading this it’s only now that she told me about having a threesome with two men days prior to us meeting up and dating and told me she slept with close to 45 men in the year before us being together in a lot of ways I am happy with her for being blunt and honest but she has stalkers harassing us and their is a video of this drunken threesome around and being shown in her old circle of friends and it triggers my jealousy and hurt emotions when people throw it in my face she moved into our life as I was a single father before we met and for some reason it bothers me I went from one bad relationship right into this one and I feel judgemental and upset like maybe I should’ve been with another woman or a few different women before I went into another relationship or I didn’t choose the right person and now she is pregnant she reassures me that she isn’t going anywhere and has no intention of hurting me and my son but I need to let go and it bothers me that I just find out about this now as we moved in together I wonder if I did wrong by taking in such a person then on the other hand of all the good things she does for us and tells me regardless I would have issues with anyone about this but it’s okay you are speaking your mind Everything in our life is open no secrets but I question our relationship now and on the same hand want to fix myself so we can live in peace she has recently taken it upon herself to heal and charge her former sexual abusers and I am proud of her and she tells me everything she did was an act of self medication in which I believe because I am a siocial worker and former trauma counseller but it still upsets me and makes me question everything help me please this is a complicated situation for me

      1. Matthew, I’d strongly suggest buying the book because this is exactly the kind of situation I help people get over. Good luck.


      2. Relyt says:

        Wow 45 in one year? I’m upset over 10 within 8 years!

        1. Glenn says:

          Doesnt mater how many. Me and my girlfriend where Virgins when we met at 16. But I still have the judgement and anger of hook ups she had before me. We are 33 now and it still affeces our relationship. So doesn’t matter if she slept with 100 or none, if u suffer from it, u suffer from it. End of

      3. Jon says:

        Dude… you can do so much better. 45 guys? That’s disgusting. Threes one just before you met? Do yourself a HUGE favour and read absolutely everything written my Rollo Tomassi at the rational male (dot)com. Save yourself while you still can!!

    3. Kreh says:

      Man were on the same boat!

    4. tim says:

      I find the “she chose me” or “she chose you” comments on these sites to be interesting. There’s a good chance she didn’t “choose you”. At least not for the right reasons. Could be her preference is or would be someone else. It’s more than possible “they didn’t choose her”. Why would anyone think a woman could just have and marry any man she desired on earth but chose them ??? seems kinda silly. And as for the ones that have had many partners and maybe some kinky stuff etc… ever think they may have had so much they got so tired and worn out with it and decided to “settle down” ? Then “chose” someone stable and good to them and decided to just go with it because of that ? Women are good at faking sex. Many that have had too much don’t enjoy it with just one man for very long. But they want their home and good husband so they do whatever it takes to keep him happy.

      1. Aly says:

        First, “too much sex” varies from person to person, and a promiscuous adolescence doesn’t equal a matching adulthood.
        Secondly, that’s such an outdated way of thinking; that women will settle for someone who doesn’t satisfy them sexually, just so they have a husband and house.
        The way relationships are going nowadays, people are too blunt and short of time to be settling.

        1. Hansonnosnah says:

          It happens every day. Open your eyes. There are divorces all over, initiated by women who were never really “HOT” for their husband.

          If you believe women never marry in large part for things other than sex and being hot for the guy, you are willfully ignorant

      2. Michael says:

        Dude, you are very perceptive and nailed it squarely on the head for me. My wife of almost 40 years has kept most of her past hidden from me, which has caused all kinds of problems in and of itself. However, that’s another story. Over the years, I learned from the all too few snippets she’s shared with me that she started experimenting sexually at 12 1/2 years old with a group of several neighborhood guys and another girl or two and had sex for the first time at 14, probably with the same group of several guys at the same time (based on a slip of the tongue on her part). We started dating when she was 19, and I had no idea of the extent of her sexual experience until we’d been married for almost 20 years. I, on the other hand, was almost 10 years older than her when we started dating and had almost no sexual experience before I met her. She totally blew me away! I didn’t even know, in my naivete, that girls like her even existed! Anyhow, we were talking one evening – some years ago – when she was in one of her rare moods of being willing to be totally frank with me, and I said something like this: “I feel like by the time you met me, you’d had all the hot juicy sex you wanted and were ready to settle down with some guy who actually loved and respected you and would treat you right and take care of you.” She thought for a moment (much too briefly to do much for my ego) and responded “I guess you could look at it that way.” She had no idea how much damage that did to my psyche and ego, and it still haunts me to this day. I have been suffering the symptoms of ED for several years now, and I know that the knowledge of this is one of the root causes. I feel intimidated and inadequate each and every time I attempt to make love to her, even though she is still incredibly beautiful, sexy, and desirable. I can usually achieve and sustain an erection when masturbating, but when it comes to trying to have sex with her – even with Viagra – it is always hit or miss.

    5. Alias Girl says:

      This website is extremely eye-opening and disturbing to me. I am a 30 year old woman. Truly, I had no idea (and young women have NO IDEA) of the reprecussions of their actions while they’re young. From the time girls are 12, 13, 14, 15 years old, men and boys are hitting on them and lusting over them and enticing them with promises of love to have sex with them. Our moms and dads don’t warn us of the implications- we are only told to be careful not to get pregnant or STDs. Inevitably, we lose our virginity and have boyfriends and casual sex as young women.

      Then, YEARS later, after maturing and experiencing life, we finally fall in love with a man and all we want is that man. Unfortunately, we are open and discuss our lives and past before we met him, not knowing that this is going to be a problem. It’s 2017. He was married for a long time, and had lots of other partners. Who knew that my sexual past would haunt him and come up at the strangest moments??? For example, I could be washing dishes after dinner and he may angrily say that I’m a whore. (Ok, not in the exact words, but he can say very strange things at strange times and it HURTS ME. I will sob uncontrollably. It feels like he has stabbed me in the stomach with a knife.)

      Guys, what can a woman do if she is 30, in love, wants so badly to marry a man and have kids with him, and she’s not a virgin? What can I do? I’m serious. I see from reading this website that men have RJ based on fear that she will leave him, or have sex with another man, but he is the best sex I’ve ever had. I will never cheat on him. How do I reassure him that I am committed to him until my death?

  2. Peter says:

    Makes no sense… if you’re not ok with the past just break-up. You will save yourself a ton of time and a ton of heart-ache. There’s a lot of women in the world who have not done the crap you despise.

    I pretty much believe this whole problem is the work of evolution.. children of men who had this “feature” had good survival rates

  3. noname says:

    The thing that bothers me is that I hadnt been with anyone before when we got together, but shes been with more women than she can count, and several men before me.. at such a young age, and it makes me question her integrity, because im not a manwhore myself.

    1. Hello there, in the book I cover exactly why men can be judgmental about their girlfriend’s past AND how to get over it.


  4. justconfused says:

    I hate all the comments on other sites that “the past is the past” and “she didn’t even know you when she yada, yada, yada.” They don’t help at all. First, I want to say I love her so much and have loved her the majority of my life. I knew her long before she had any sexual experiences. We literally grew up across the street from each other and started as crushes and blossomed into love. Unfortunately, circumstances beyond us, we were still young and controlled by others, parted us. We finally reconnected 40 years later. In the 40 years I married and only had one sexual partner. She got pregnant in less than 2 years after we last saw each other and was a teen mom at 16. By 20 she was divorced with 2 kids and supporting herself as a nude stripper. By the time she was 25 she had been married 3 times, thank god no other children. The 3rd marriage last 23 years, but he was mentally and verbally abusive. And she did have a couple sexual experiences with others while married to #3. She finally divorced him.

    In that 40 years, especially early on, I looked for her. With her name changes I never did find her. Yet during that entire 40 years I made sure my name was in the phone book and when Internet came out I registered with them all…My Space, Facebook, Classmates, etc. I made sure I had a very easy to find foot print.

    After 38 years I heard from her, 4 years after she divorced #3. And we reconnected. I did find out in that 4 years, before she looked me up finally, she did the online dating routine, even sending very revealing, not completely nude, photos to at least one person she met online.

    I want to make this work so bad and get over this past baggage. She has told me of a total of 8 men she’s had sex with, that includes her 3 prior husbands. But, I don’t believe she’s told me everything as none of the 8 covered the time when she worked as a stripper.

    I’m not asking anything, as I do intend to buy the book and follow it. Nothing else has worked to get me to stopped obsessing about her past. (We’ve been together now for over 3 years. And I do trust her now.) I loved her all my life, except the first 10 years, and ashamed to say I loved her even when married to someone else. I don’t want to lose her, but am afraid I will become resentful of her if I do not figure a way to deal with this retroactive jealousy.

    1. Thanks for reaching out! Hang in there, I’m sure you’ll find peace with this soon.


    2. John T says:

      That would definitely drive me crazy thinking about all those choices she made in her past.

  5. brandon says:

    I love my girlfriend very much but what triggers me is that in our area everybody grew up together or knows one another, hence forth I know some of the people she had either a relationship with or a “drunken crazy night with”that’s what brothers me,but at the same time she knows some of the females I’ve been with so I guess I’mhyhypocritical

  6. Joe says:

    Ok… my problem is this. I do have standards when it comes to girlfriends (you can call it judgmental) but I don’t make past/present strippers, escorts, or any women who had a threesome with 2 guys my girlfriend. It’s just my boundary I set. But come to find out that my gf had a threesome with two when she was 18. It was in her past and I’m not jealous of it. I’m just disgusted with it. How do I get over that? or should I just call it off because I have a feeling I will look at her differently. It’s totally NOT jealousy… it’s just disgusting to me.

    1. tim says:

      Better just call it off….. if it’s disgusting now it won’t get any better….only worse

    2. Gabby says:

      I think my question to you is have you ever had a threesome? Calling your judgemental requirements standards isn’t going to make it any less judgemental by the way. Honestly as long as you hold yourself to the same standards that you hold your girlfriends to keep doing what you’re doing. But let it go honestly. Sex doesn’t decrease your girlfriends value as a person. She was still the same person when you met her as she as after you found out she had a threesome.

      1. Eddy says:

        She might b a nice person….but its clear that she did somethings which required her to somewhat compromise her dignity….now i m no one to judge but if her bf hasnt done anything of that sort….he holds the right to judge her….n he shud call it off asap he may try to forget but these things come back at the slightest trigger….

    3. Mr Truth says:

      I think your girl was just curious about how it would feel and wanted to try it. Life is short… live it up! threesomes are a lot of fun!

    4. Marcus says:

      If I were with such a person I would be thinking about it the whole time and get angry at it, but I guess the past is the past…

  7. ManUtdIsAwful says:

    I WILL NEVER ACCEPT HER if she had a boyfriend in her past. Don’t even mention about what I think if she had more than one……

  8. Richie says:

    I’ve recently started a relationship with a girl from my past. We had a mild flirtation nearly 20 years ago but never slept together. However, she was quite promiscuous and I knew that. It’s just that this continued until we got together in March this year. I’m hardly pure myself and have had many sexual partners. She tends to get jealous of stories relating to my ex’s whereas her ex’s don’t bother me it’s the one night stands.

    We have just got engaged a few weeks ago and we have discovered she is pregnant now too. We live together now and both have a child from our previous long term relationships. I know she loves me wholeheartedly and I love her equally. We have a fantastic sex life and for me it’s the best sex I’ve ever had and she agrees. I believe it to be down to both of us being very experienced and open about our wants, needs and desires that coupled with the realisation that we are truly in love with one another.

    The problem for me is when we were lying in bed after making love the other day she informed me that she had both had sex with a taxi driver years ago to get off a fair and that in the last year, before we hooked up, she performed oral sex on a taxi driver in his 60’s to get home. I actually felt quite sick at the thought of the recent one. My partner is a beautiful looking girl (well I think so) and she should never have had to resort to this level. She was wasted I know, but for some reason it keeps playing on my mind. I did say to her I wish you hadn’t told me that, she did apologise and was remorseful about it. The taxi driver took a shine to her after this and she had to set him straight. I think I’m more jealous about the fact she put herself at risk rather than anything else.

    I just feel consumed by this. Today in particular as I didn’t really sleep well last night and my mind is wandering all over the place. I was sitting at traffic lights and got the image of her with this 60 year old man in my head. We are both 36.

    I used to be fat when we met too, so I have this thing of not being good enough for her too. I have lost 3 1/2 stone since the start of the year and feel and look great. She compliments me daily and motivates me daily.

    I have loved this girl for years and I don’t want this to be an issue between us. My past as I say isn’t exactly pure. I would have slept with anyone in the past I really wasn’t fussy as long as I got sex. So it’s total double standards on my part too.


  9. Agent S. says:

    My wife of soon to be 3 years just dropped a bomb on me. All you guys got it easy compared to me. Granted my wife was abused as a child. Her mom’s boyfriend attempted to rape her when she was like 17, he went to jail for it by the way. She also said her uncle would touch her when she was little. She said it was a vague memory she didn’t speak much on it. But she started having sex and doing drugs at a young age. she had sex on a school bus. got gang bang by 3 dudes in high school. she had sex at parties even at a party on the lake. She had an orgy with 3 girls she had sex with married men she had sex with 4 couples. She had one night stands with strangers. She was a amateur night stripper in another state for a while and even in my home town. She had sex a guy I knew and asked her about while we where dating and she told me no never did anything with him. I asked her a week ago and she said she dont know if she fuxd him or gave him a blowjob. she told me about a guy who she would goto his house just to sux his dick and then leave… She had 3 kids and was married 3 times twice to the last guy. 2 kids was from her second husband and one was from a fling. I was single no kids, she was living with me at the time. we were just roommates but she knew I liked her. I always felt like she didnt feel the same way I did. We had had sex one time before she moved in months before. The experience was not exactly magical if you know what I mean. She just laid there not really engaged into the sex. Not that she wasnt enjoying it just not as active. Long story short we eventually ended up talking and and having sex she got pregnant after telling me she was on 2 forms of birth control. We ended up getting married while I was overseas. Because I didn’t want my son to grow up in 2 different homes plus you got extra money for being married with kids (go figure). So now after being married for almost 3 years and very into church and God now she opens up with all this crap. Ive always felt like she trapped me into this relationship.Granted she is a great women now and she tells me the same thing every women who has had a slutty past that found a good man says “I’m here to stay, I’ll never cheat.” I’m like no shit you had all the sex there is to have no shit you want to settle down now. I’ve been with less than 14 women. I started having sex at 18 , I’m 27 now. My wife had been with around 45 men around 10 women. She will be 30 this year. I feel jealous that so many people have had my wife in so many different ways. Its hard for me to want to please my wife during sex cause it feels like she doesn’t deserve it I love my wife and our 5 kids that w have now but its just sux to feel that I don’t have something special when I look at my wife.

    1. Pool says:

      Sorry to hear that. That is hard. I’m not married or have kids with my girlfriend but she has a past that I hate too. She’s 31 been with over a 100 guys more than 30 threesomes, was a stripper for a year, did a bit of porn and had pretty much done everything including anal ring toss and dated a couple for a year. I’ve been with less girls by half than she has had thressomes. Its a weird contrast, the fun dedicated girl she is now and the super slut trampzilla she was before. I hate when she says but I’m with u now and only you. It makes me feel like she got ridden hard and put away wet and now I’m the idiot stuck with her. I know she is fun and awesome but I think this might be the lynchpin that derails us since I’ve been trying to digest this and get rid of these feelings for about 6 months now and cant. She doesn’t deserve it and I don’t like feeling like this. It makes me resentful and angry. Truly it’s going to be hard for me to let go but I need to make sure I don’t waste her time, and even when we have great times together which is more often than not, I’ll get triggered by the most basic of things or from a pissy fight that does not even have to do anything with her past and I’ll go down that rabbit hole again. I love her but I don’t like being the caboose to the really long train. So for me, if you love them, let them go before you resent them and it turns toxic. P

  10. jordan says:

    Okay… I just found out bout a year ago befor we knew each other that my girlfriend gave head to a dude she only meet a day before!! …. Yess …. I asked her about it and she said that “she made a lot of stupid choices in her past..and that ole dude got into her head”.. I cant get this out my head …. Im not mad about her giving head its just the fact she only knew him for1day!!! Idk what to do …i dont wont to bring it back up ..bcus we said we were gonna leave the past inna past … So yea thats my story

  11. Steve says:

    I’ve not had many sexual partners. Sex only a hand full of times. Past relationships didn’t go very well for me or my current partner. I refused sex in past relationships, if I didn’t feel it was real love. I literally couldn’t have sex. My partners past has came up a lot lately… After knowing we can share nothing sexually, they’ve not already given to someone else… It’s put a major damper on our relationship, and I’m not sure how far things can actually go any more. Would this be retroactive jealousy?

  12. justin says:

    I have a problem too mine is I’m jealous of my gf sexual past but I have one as well but she don’t judge wy can’t I be like that all I can emagine is her past sex the guys being bigger than me penis size or how she says I’m the 2nd person to give her a orgasm then she says things like I’m the first to do this or that and the reason she loves me is cause she never had anyone show her as much love as I do making her feel special and loved and she loves me I feel stupid for writing this just don’t know what to do just wonder if she’s lying about her enjoyment with other guys then downfalls them to me to make me feel better cause what girl drives 2 hrs just to see a guy before she met me and have sex and not even dating cause of how he treated her and she have sex with him more than one not even dating like 9 times can I get some opinions about this please

    1. Alex says:

      Justin bro your girl sounds just like mine LMAOOOO same situation girlfriend has a past with many guys from apps, drove 2 hours at 4 in the morning daily to see some. Treats me like shit by the way so I don’t even know what to do tbh.

  13. james b says:

    Wow there are so many manginas on this thread.

    I’m gonna drop a truth bomb for all you whipped manginas and Nazi feminists.

    If the girl isn’t a virgin, STAY THE FU#& AWAY. She’s already damaged goods.

    Every man knows this to be true if they look deep down. Who seriously wants to make love to a dirty whore who has had multiple men blow their load inside her. How does it feel knowing some guy pounded her until his nut sweat was dripping down her dirty hole?

    Guys are so feminine and will do anything for pussy these days because our society is hyper-sexualized and devoid of virtue and morality. I am disgusted with how sluttly women are these days, its not the men who are to blame. It’s the women who have NO SELF CONTROL of their animal urges.

    1. Mr Truth says:

      You are not helping these guys in here although you might be right! I must admin that I am a dirty man whore myself and I try not to judge these women. I totally can keep up with all the threesomes and sex that all of these woman have had. I love it all!!

      But here is my problem. All that man whoring got old and boring and I just wasn’t interested in doing it anymore. I wanted a meaningful relationship so I started looking for a girl that I would spend the rest of my life with and I’m sure all of these women are thinking the same way I’m thinking so you guys should really stop worrying about the past because your girlfriend put that stuff behind her and wants to look forward.

  14. Daniel says:

    Hey Justin and James B I totally feel you guys. I’m in a relationship with this chick now who I totally adore and love. However stories about her past sexual encounters (30 before me to be exact) that I’ve unrevelled (aside from those with boyfriends) totally eeks me out, and for some reason occasionally pops into my head, those images of those one night stands (I blame tinder and those shitty dating apps for most of it) cumming inside her, having their way with her knowing she will submit to anything because they sensed a weakness in her emotionally and the loneliness within. I don’t want to say my girlfriend was a total whore, but many of these “encounters” happened just within the few months that I knew her. Like some of you have mentioned: the sex is great, but sometimes while I’m at it, these fucked up thoughts fill my mind and my girlfriend whom I think I love suddenly becomes this village bicycle. It’s like, so many men have to so easily gotten inside her, what makes me special? Am I even special in the first place?

    Justin mentioned his girlfriend said he was the second person to give her an orgasm (fucking eerie considering mine said the exact same thing to me the second time we had sex). But then I stopped to think, how’s that possible considering she’s been with so many other guys? A sample size of 30 and only 1/15 are capable of providing an orgasm? Only after reading Tims post I began to realize that I forgot how easy it is for women to fake orgasms. What an idiot I am!!

    We have been together for 2 months now and everything is bright and chirpy, we even have talked about marriage, housing, kids, a Volvo yadayada. But I just feel if after another 4 months this nightmare is still lingering in my head I guess it means I don’t love her enough to be able to forget her past…. 🙁

    1. Hey Daniel, but it’s not a nightmare that you can’t get out of. You CAN do it! Drop me a line if you need to chat.

    2. Mr Truth says:

      As for the orgasm comment. The girl could also be lying to you to make you feel better about yourself!!

  15. Sydney says:

    Hi Jeff,
    I’m actually a woman. I just broke up with my boyfriend over this. It wasn’t the only reason, but my jealousy was a major factor. He had never been in a serious relationship before, just hooked up a lot with friends and girls at the bar. I was a virgin and yes, I judged him. I felt like I wasn’t special, and he was never looking for a girl like me. I struggled with my jealousy but he assured me they were all in the past and they didn’t matter, so I was getting better on my own. Then he wanted to contact one of his friends that he hooked up with a few times, who accused him of raping her and their friendship/relationship ended. My jealousy got worse and i got angry and bitter every time I pictured the drunken hook up in my head (because he described enough to me). And I was hurt because I didn’t understand why he suddenly wanted to see her again.

    I feel like I’ll never be able to get over this and I’ll never find a guy like me, who only is comfortable with sex when there’s an emotional connection. I don’t know how to stop judging him and guys like him.

    1. Sorry to hear that. This is something you need to get a handle on if you don’t want it to keep ruining your relationships. Send me a private email and we can talk about your options for recovery if you like.

      All the best

  16. Thatguy says:

    So, started talking with this girl last march, we talked for months, I was working a job I hated. We talked for a few months and she encouragd me to do what made me happy. So I quit my job away from home and went back to working my dream job as a Ranch Hand, which didnt pay as nearly as much as my last job, but its what makes me happy. After a few months of talking we finally decided to meet up. So I decided I would spend the weekend in her city, which was a 6 hour drive for me, not expecting anything from her. Just to hang out and get to know each other. Btw I was a virgin at the time. Our first night together we had dinner then had a few drinks at a few bars and we ended up making out towards the end of the night. We both decided she would spend the night with me at my hotel room to watch movies. Thats just what I wanted to do, but as the night progressed in my room we got a little heated and she wanted to have sex, I refused because we only had just met in person. She respcted that and we spent the weekend hanging out like I planned. I went home and we didnt see each other 2 weeks then she came down to visit me and we had intercourse. Long story short, we were dating for a long while and i started to pick up on some her humor as “slutty”. I didnt want to ask but i finally asked how many men she has had excluding me, She said under 20 guys and 1 girl. Never gavean exact number, just said under 20. She is 21, she was 20 when we first started dating. Me on the other hand, she was my only one. I learned this information about her as we were looking for a place to move in together. I wanted to break it off but i decided to try and get over it. So we moved in togther. It still bothers me a lot to this day, its no fair to her because i start fights over it and she has done nothing wrong while with me, never acts suspicious, is loving and caring and we freely go on each others phones (not to snoop, just because our own phone wouldnt be within reach) . I love her a lot but some days are really hard for me. I see her as a slut sometimes and have nightmares of her doing things with other men. I have obsessed over it that much that I have nightmares. Its ruining our relationship and I truly want to be with her but another part of me hates her for her previous life decisions. She was abused sexually as a child and says sleeping with people was her way of healing, whatever the fuck that means. Is there hope for us ? Or should I cut my losses and throw it all away, even though that would sincerely kill me inside. Help

    1. Hey man, sounds tough. If you want to try and overcome this I can definitely help you out. Drop me an email.

  17. Simon says:

    Hi I know how you are all feeling as I I’ve been with only one person and my current girlfriend. I was with my ex wife for 16 before it all kicked off and we split up. I’ve always been a bit funny about sexual past etc. alway new when I decided to start data that most girls would have had more partners than me. So I met my girlfriend on a proper dating site after a couple of rubbish dates and hit we hit it off and we didn’t have sex until about a month later and two mouths in that conversation came up I told her that I’d one been with one person with feeked her out. Then said that she’d been less than 50 people as I didn’t want to no the exact number. This wasn’t a problem until about 6 months into the relationship when it all off a sudden pop into my head I wasn’t judging her or anything like that but I didn’t like it and it was stressing me out so I tried to talk to her and I couldn’t so I decided to send her a radom text wile she was on holiday ( not the best idea I’ve ever had trust!) just ot say she wasn’t happy about how I went about it. She told me none of that matters anymore and she wouldn’t change it and she as now found her prince and no one had mad love to her and touched her in the way that I do witch mad feel much better. So I spoke to two of my closest friends about it they both said it doesn’t matter as anyone can see she want to be with you and don’t worry about the past as you can’t change it. All I’m saying is everyone has done reckless things I’m there passed don’t let ruin your future. Anyway I love this girl more than I thought possible and I plan to marry her. We’ve been together 8 months and moving in together next month.

  18. John Smith says:

    Hey guys. Its been really cool reading alot of your stories. From my perspective, a lot of you have had women that fully justified, in my opinion, your judgement. However, I’m confused about my situation and whether or not my girlfriend deserves the harsh judgement, fear, and anger I’m experiencing. I started seeing my girlfriend about 3 months ago and everything about the relationship is fantastic. I’m only the 3rd guy she’s had sex with as well (which I’m ok with despite the fact she’s 18 and I’m 20). One of the guys she dated for 2 years and lost her virginity to, and the other guy had a hook up situation with and she was “seeing” him for a few months. But here’s my problem. Initially, it bugged me she would fuck outside of relationship but it was more of a minor annoyance. But as we started talking further, she would tell me stuff like “yeah I’d probably give a cop a blowjob to get out of a ticket.” Or “I’d like to have a threesome with 2 guys at some point just to experience it.” This is interesting to me because it’s not really past jealousy but future jealousy and indicators of her character. Like maybe if she haddnt been with this guy for 2 years she would been a massive slut. Additionally, after her the the guy she was with in the long term relationship broke up, when guys would hit her up trying to get at her late at night, she’d go hook up with them. She wouldn’t fuck them because she didn’t want to be totally slutty but she’d make out and blow them. Additionally she told me stuff along the lines of “yeah they would try to act and pretend to be interested in me but I was always like ‘guys I don’t want anything with you. You don’t have to pretend I’m just here to hookup with you.” So this type of situstion happened with 3 guys. So basically she’s blown 6 guys, fucked 3. Although these might not be hugly slutty numbers, her attitude about it, and the lack of self respect indicated by saying “dude I’m just here to hook up don’t pretend to like me.” Or “yeah I’d like to try a threesome.” Or “I’d blow a cop to get out of ticket.” Is what bothers me. What do you guys think? Am I over reacting to things that arnt a big deal/haven’t even happened or is she a slutty girl I should end it with?

    1. Mr. Big says:

      I would 100% end that, she’s a wild girl

  19. duldul says:

    I have had a very similar issue with many guys here recently. I am in a relationship with my girl and it is my first relationship where I had sex. She did some online hook up thing before she met me. She met 7 guys and had sex with him only after one date. One of the guys she had an unprotected sex. It really culminated a few days ago and recently I have been telling her how much those experiences make me angry and frustrated. She keeps saying sorry for all that past.. for which she does not have to. She said that she was very vulnerable at that point but I still tell her that every vulnerable girl would not make the choice. I have been very aggressive with my language and I really want to stop… why do girls get themselves involved in sex and hurt the serious relationship? Whoever that speaks positively about casual sex… they must know that whoever their banging will be someone’s wife and it will ruin their relationship.

    1. Realitycheck says:

      They give it up because they want to have their cake and eat it. They dont see value in their bodies. She had unprotected sex becsuse she was really turned on by that guy… why else would she??? Look at actions not words.

  20. Jay says:

    Interestingly I find myself doing this a lot. I dont judge her or get mad, but when I find out about different men or flings she had before me I get a bit jealous and not sure why. Its like…I dont want to know..but at the same time I look for the information. But again, I never judge or get mad…its like I know its the past and I shouldnt be bothered but it still does. Especially with the fact that I was a bit of a manwhore myself prior to her.

    1. Yep not much about retroactive jealousy makes much sense unfortunately. This is because with RJ we’re talking about the emotional side of the brain as opposed to the rational side of the brain. If you want to talk drop me a private message.

  21. David says:

    My biggest struggle is I had very few sexual encounters before dating my gf, and obviously I have/had fantasies. She was with quite a few guys, but also a threesome and my thing is I’ve missed out on my opportunity now to at least try that out, but I don’t want to make her mad by bringing it up or anything of the sort. I wish I could just forget about all I know from her past, which is what I try to do.

  22. Heinz says:

    This is exactly why I pretty much demand to know their sexual past early on. I don’t want to get in too deep and then get hit with bombs like a few of these have been. I have a hard enough time dealing with my girlfriends sexual past which consist of a couple rapes when she was young (Around 14) and like 6 other guys partners. All of which came when she was around 15-17 years old…She is now 23 and went through a lesbian stage where she only dated a couple girls for like 5 years. Now she is with me. I have known her since she was 14 and we have always had something pulling us together throughout our lives. I was even the first (or close to it) person she consensually had sex with. It didn’t really matter who she or I was seeing, when we were together it would always complicate things because deep down we wanted each other but were young and dumb. I definitely had a lot to do with it though because she was all about me at a young age and I constantly led her on/pushed her away when I would meet someone else. Which I know led her to do certain things that she did. Regardless, I have such a hard time with it. A few of them in particular. Ones that I question the guys motives and if he just “used” her which she dismisses because she claims she was the one who ended the “relationships”. I’ve had almost quadruple her sexual partners so I know I’m being stupid but I can’t help but feel like sex is different for guys and girls as it’s much harder to get laid for guys. I really hate holding grudges like this or judging her about it because I know she is a loving and caring person and would never cheat on me.

  23. Jay says:

    So my gf of four years has supposedly had sex with “one and a half guys” according to her. She says she only had sex with her first bf twice, and both times only lasted minutes. The second guy she met at a party while still dating her first bf. She claims her bf had cheated on her at some point before the party. So she gets drunk and eventually has sex with a guy she met there in the shower. She told me halfway into it she realized it was a mistake so she got him to stop and they never finished. Her and her bf broke up afterwards, and then later we met. She seemed inexperience when we started having sex and says she “hasn’t really had sex before”. She thinks they don’t count because of the brief encounters. In the beginning of our relationship she would comment about her past experiences and say things like ” your cum taste better than most guys” and “your the only guy to give me an orgasm”. It was disturbing hearing this and I didn’t know why she would say that to me. Later on in the relationship I asked her about it and she told me she said stuff like that to seem more experienced and that she had never givin oral before me. I don’t know what to think about this and it’s a little disturbing to me. Every time it’s been brought up in conversation the stories change or she get very defensive. This only makes me more paranoid. I guess I’ll never know for sure. Is my gf a slut? I don’t really know what average is for girls these day as far as sexual experience goes

  24. Andy says:

    I have a very rare and peculiar case of being uncomfortable and troubled by a past sexual experience involving my girlfriend of about 4 years. I met my girlfriend, who is older than me, through my brother who she’s been friends with since they were in high school. My brother is gay and has been in a relationship with a man for many years who my girlfriend also happens to be friends with. I’m not exactly sure of the circumstances, but I do know that one night she had a threesome with both of them. I know for a fact she actually had intercourse with my brother but what exactly she did with my brothers’ husband I’m not entirely sure of – although I know she didn’t have intercourse with him. Writing these words I start to feel sick at my stomach.
    I must say when I met her and started a relationship with her I was at a sad and lonely place in my life and was desperately seeking companionship. We really clicked and hit it off and eventually grew to love and care about each other deeply. I have to admit I knew about this early on in the relationship, but I always felt like I could sweep it under the rug and forget about it. After all, I told myself, it’s not fair for me to judge her what she did before we were together. I feel a certain amount of shame and dishonor. I feel like my brother, who always sort of was overbearing towards me growing up, has soiled a woman I probably would otherwise have married by now if it wasn’t for this and maybe a few other things like my career and finances. I try to keep it out of my mind but sometimes – we still see my brother and his husband a few times a month or so for social occasions since they all have the same friends – the images of what happened that night flood my mind. I begin to look down on her, feel ashamed of our relationship, and regret ever getting into this situation to begin with. She expects to get married soon, but I just don’t know if I can live with this for the rest of my life. The shame of it all is that I really do love her and care for her a great deal. I feel torn apart emotionally and spiritually inside trying to figure out if I should propose to her and live wit this forever, or leave her having wasted four years of her life. I don’t know what to do anymore.

  25. Joe says:

    Look, if you guys are not comfy with your woman having done other guys, or many other guys for that matter, before you go together, then leave her. Your retroactive jealousy will make matters worse unless you decide to do something about it eg. getting over those facts which, in hindsight, while it may be an indicator of possible future behavior, does not make her a slut immediately. It’s a 50/50 thing, she may or may not do as she did before.

    I am married to a woman who I adore very much, and it was only after we have gotten engaged did I find out the extent with which one of our acquaintances had gotten with her. This is besides the fact that she presents herself as a conservative and demure lady who isn’t an easy lay or makes herself an easy target. Of course I was hurt, it felt like a betrayal of sorts. But we spoke about it, and I trust her word that she loves me, and that she won’t do anything to put our then upcoming marriage in jeopardy. On my part, I chose not to let it bother me and focus on what makes us happy, both in the bedroom and outside of it.

    If your love for her is as strong as you say and want it to be, don’t let these bother you. If you need a boost of confidence from your woman, she has to be responsible for it. But you also have to be responsible for your emotions.

    Btw Jeff, I’m still ordering your book. I’d love to see your insights on the matter, and while I do sound like I know where I am coming from, it’s best to know what insights others have to offer.

    Chill out guys, you’d all get through it if you make an effort to do so.

    1. Thanks for the comment, Joe. You make some very valid points.

      1. Paulo Jorge says:

        Hi Jeff, keep up the good work. I’ve bought your book and it really me so far.

    2. Brad says:

      Let me also put out there that you guys don’t have to be obsessed about your girlfriend’s number of sexual partners. When it comes to LOVE nothing else matters.

  26. Meg says:

    It’s been really good to know that I’m not the only one experiencing these feelings altho my situation is a bit different. I met a woman who was married for 20 yrs, divorced for 7, has 2 grown kids and is now in love and involved with me. I’ve been a gay woman my whole life and have only ever been romantically involved with gay women! She says she’s been different her whole life – not like her other married friends and that this is where she wants to be. Now I’ve known some gay women who were “cajoled” into marrying but they either divorced or got it annulled within a few years. This woman had a whole involved very active sexual life with her husband for 22 years! More to “keep him in the marriage” than personal desire but come on- really?!

    I’m glad you added the OCD component because it certainly does feel like that! Her sexual past gets in the way (in my head) a lot – the mental videos are overwhelming sometimes- yet other times, I know this is where I’m supposed to be. Can your book help with this?? She swears she’s not Bi- another kiss of death for a lesbian! So you see fellas, jealousy comes in all forms! ;(

    1. Hey Meg,

      Sorry to hear you’re suffering like this. YES, that’s exactly what my book covers – how to stop the repetitive images and “mini-movies” that seem to pop into your head 24/7. Drop me a line at jeff[at]retroactivejealousycrusher[dot]com if you need more info.

  27. Chet says:

    I am 45 years of age… I recently married a woman of 38. We are both Godly people, fully committed to Christ for almost 3 years. In the very beginning we disclosed all of our dirty pasts. She was with 22 men before me, and well i,almost 3,000 women. A goal of 5,000 i set to reach by the age of 50 when i was 17. She is able to “deal” with my past discretions, but as of recent, i am struggling with hers. The thought of another man having had what i now do irks me!!! Sounds hippocritical i know.

    1. Ned says:

      …don’t be surprised if her number goes up as you age and she struggles with how you have used sex. My prayers go forward with both of you – truly.

  28. Peter V. says:

    My wife is my best friend, soulmate, all that. We share everything, all of our past experiences and current fantasies. So we have talked in great detail of our sexual pasts. It is a source of excitement and satisfaction for both of us. I’m happy for her having experiences that she enjoyed before she met me, whether it was the summer in Europe or that football player…

    And a word of advice – if you just can’t seem to get over your wife having some fun in her past, face your fears directly. Let her have a dalliance now. She will love you more and you will appreciate her more. It’s all part of growing up.

  29. dave says:

    The problem is that this site is suggesting that men are hung up on 5 or 6 partners. The reality is that this is 2016, and we are dealing with women with 50 or 60+ partners. That’s a lot to swallow!

    1. Hmm, I can’t remember saying men are only hung up on women with five or six partners but you’re right – nowadays many have had much more. The point is, some guys are hung up on five, some on fifty. Everyone’s circumstances may be different but the way to beat retroactive jealousy is the same.

  30. Leon says:

    I’ve got another feeling about my wife that i just can’t get rid of.
    We’ve been married for 10 years now with 3 kids.
    We both didn’t have any past relationships before we got married but now i have found out from friends that she did have 1 past relationship.

    Now i feel like she is not the same person that i fell in love with at the beginning, the girl that didn’t have any past relationships.
    Somehow i have managed to see her as 2 different person, 1 as the woman who didn’t have any past relationship that i fell in love with and married to, the other person i see in her is a woman who’s had 1 previous relationship, all my love and feelings seems to have stayed with that 1st woman and i have to start all over again with this 2nd woman.

    If i knew of her previous relationship while we were dating then i wouldn’t have any issues but to find out now i makes me feel that she’s just not that same person that i know and expected but someone different.

    Has anyone else feel this way? and how to overcome it.

    Thanks in advance.

  31. jeff says:

    So I got in a relationship with this girl. Shes absolutely stunning an I could see it going all the way with her. The problem is she dated and had sex with two dudes who I HATE with a passion. Like I hated them even before I started dating her. And now that I’ve fallen in love with her I hate them even more. I only had one sexual partner before her and even then we didn’t do it that often. She had sex with each of them many times and let them do nasty stuff to her. I’m not threatened or jealous, because neither of them were very good according to her, and she didn’t love them. I’m just kinda disgusted and sickened. Like I keep telling myself I’ll get over it, but it hasn’t gotten any better. Like it just sickens me, and I don’t see it getting better any time soon. Should I just call it off?

  32. Arnolys says:

    I feel like i have to share my story! So my girlfriend sleep with 30 guys in her past so what? I sleep with 200 girls or more. Now the thing is that she slept with 4 people that i know in her past! How i am suppost to forget this when i have to see the guys faces every saturday night when i go out! Since we all work in the same place! She loves me, and cries because she cant take it back! I understand but for some reason i just cant get over it keeps coming back and back to mind, and its killing my realtionship, dont want to hurt myself or her!

  33. Manster says:

    Guys,after reading all your comments, I want to share my story as well. I started talking to an expat girl who lives in my country. After being in touch for a couple of weeks, we met at her apartment and ended up having sex. It was very passionate. I had condoms with me and she had too in her bag. She said “you’re not the first guy to come here ha ha”. Anyway, since I went from my city to the city she was in so was staying with her for the weekend. The next morning we were too caught up that I came inside her.. She wanted a specific local pill immediately.. I brought one for her but she said no I want the one I had used before here. And BOOM! that was the time I started feeling horrible. At different ocassions I have asked her how many times she has used that pill in the past and she has given me different nunbrs. She even he a lubricant which she sometimes puts on my cock which was bought by her ex. I feel so fucking jealous and obcessed about who these men were and how many but she’s so secretive. So we are tovtger for three months now and I really want to be with her which is the sad part ;( and another thing she makes me cum inside her mouth very comfortably. Which means she’s an expert bec of her past. Wtf should I do

  34. Oscar says:

    My girl has only one sexual partner before me back when she was in high school. The guy was bad to her and she saw the signs early. She still slept with him and continued the relationship for about a year and a half. Before they ended things he told her that before they went out he had sex with his cousin. He ended up breaking up with her and we met a couple years later. I saved myself until I felt like I was in love based off a tradition my parents started. I know I’m a better guy than her ex but it bothers me that she isn’t a virgin like myself. I know its the past but I hate how she gave up what I felt was important to someone who can careless about her. She says she was naive but I was also that age and could contain my sexual desires. Nonetheless, we didn’t have the same views on sex and it’s not her fault. It just sucks knowing that she can say that she’s the only one that has sexually been with me for life and I can’t say the same thing. She still holds a friendship with the cousin that he has slept with which I find kind of weird but I digress.

    1. John says:

      Thats exactly how i feel dude. Same story with my gf too. It just feels unfair, specially how much effort u put in and my gf doesnt even show affection or do alot of sexual stuff with me due to her past. It drives me insane. I hate that her virginity, the thing i would have done anything for was taken away by someone who didnt give a shit

  35. John says:

    Its hard because i have never dated, kissed, or did anything sexual with anyone but my gf has 9 ex’s. She only slept with 2 and 1 abused her sexually. That one was a week before we started dating. I didnt find out about any of this until way into are relationship and it set me through the rough. It made me mad because i had to deal with everything her ex’s did to her and she told me she doesnt like giving oral because she just thinks about the previous guy. I cant do anything without it sparking a memory of him and they only dated 2 months. What made me mad the most was that she got mad at me and jealous of my past that i let a girl sleep over on my bed while i slept on the floor b4 she was in the picture. And that was the same time she was getting fucked by some other dude. She doesnt understand how much it all hurts no matter what i tell her.

  36. Maggie says:

    I’m sending this page to my boyfriend. No one else is talking about this rj thing as well as you.

  37. mike says:

    My god…. after 40 years of living it is right now that i finally see there is so many others out there that hate there GF’s sexual past. I mean i knew probably i was not the only one but i had no idea how many of you there are. I guess while i am here i should put my story in. well i kept myself a “pure virgin” as i like to call it, until i was 25. I was saving myself as pure as i could until i found my soulmate. Pure virgin meaning that i did nothing sexual at all. i have discovered in today’s age that you need to make that distinction between Virgin and Pure Virgin. I have asked girls in the beginning of just when we were just talking if they were a virgin and they would sometimes say yes. this might very well be the truth big but they are infact saying they are vaginal virgins. I have found it is safer to ask “do you have a sexual past”?. this at least attempts to cover every sexual act that can be done and not just vaginal. I have ran into this a few times were i asked the girl if she was a Virgin and she said yes. then i thought oh wait i also need to ask her if you have also did any of the acts that can be done other then vaginal sex and they would always say yes :/ you see girls don’t see the 2 as 1. to me virgin means no one has touched you or you touched them sexually ever. To me personally a girl that i want to be my GF can have been with 1 guy 1 time just vaginal sex and that is it. no other sexual act and that is the limit i have. I of course would prefer Pure Virgin but if she just needs to have a sexual past then that is what she need to fit. But even that 1 encounter has details that are important. First it was with a long term BF, he used protection ( no cum was in her at all), and at no time ever did she have cum on her face or in her mouth for any reason. My problem with a GF or potential GF’s sexual past is i feel like, pretty much, she has already cheated on me even before we begin anything ourselves. Knowing that someone else has had my GF or potential GF in that way ( any sexual way ) is just something i can’t deal with and now choose not to. I now ask all potential GF’s the question “do you have a sexual past”? Because simply put my soulmate will not have one end of story. It is important for me that i ask that question right off in the beginning so that i don’t end up like you guys and dealing with a girl i am in love with and now need to eat a giant shit pie of sexual past. I foolishly thought that once i had sex, which to this day was only with my EX wife and only about 30 times max, that the experience would free me from having these thoughts about a girls sexual past but it has done nothing. In fact it has only made it harder for me now that i have resumed my search for my soulmate because i am now not what i am looking for. I was a pure virgin looking for a pure virgin and it was respectable. now i am divorced with 2 kids and 40 years old and still looking for the same soulmate i was when i was a Pure virgin. How things change since now i am look at as being a creep. From my research it seems to me that the time for guys and also girls like us ( that just want something pure and just want people to use there heads and not give themselves into lust or temptation of insecurity ) has either past or is not even here yet. today’s world and humanity are to focused on sex and have pretty much completely disconnected sex from anything. you see where my head is at is that love and true love are the most important in the world. romantic True love doesn’t even need sex to exist. but i think that everybody should be looking for true love but i know that’s not the case. some people are selfish and just want that 15 min’s of pleasure as often has they can get it while there young then figure later they will bother with love for there ” settle down phase”. well what you all must come to know is newton’s third law: For every action there is a equal reaction. If you decide to fuck 10,20,45,100 guys, or for guy, girls or do the other sexual acts other then intercourse then do you really think your not going to pay for it later??????? to get back to me like i said to me a girls sexual past is just like choosing to not be with a smoker. Its a life style choice that i just choose not to want in my soulmate. I have been with smokers and i choose not to want to kiss an ashtray anymore. Same goes for sexual past, i choose to not want to kiss a mouth that has had a mans sexual organ in it. this same organ that he takes a piss with. I choose not to be behind a short or long line of cocks that have been thrusted into the very pussy i am about to thrust into. For me it might be to late since i messed up and i know i did and i gave up on my purity that i was holding for my soulmate. my view is if i was able to hold onto my pure Virginity till i was 25, and would still be holding it if i wasn’t so stupid, then if humanity took a better turn then others would be able to hold onto it too. Humanity need to put the focus on love and true love and get away from sex. to me the focus on sex is destroying us.

  38. Mike says:

    It’s great to have the option to buy this book which cures a person of this retroactive jealousy if you can’t live without the girl. But the fact remains that i think for some of us we would still choose not to be with the girl. Because for me the girl ever having a guys cock in her mouth well yeah its disgusting. A potential GF of mine having a cock in her pussy at anytime for any reason is yeah…..disgusting!!! so the book might cure your jealousy which is totally fine if you love that girl but I would just move on!

  39. ROBERTO ZAMORA says:

    My girlfriend had a fuck buddy before me and they had sex every weekend for 2 months she found out he was married but with me going on 2 months we have barely had sex 6 times. She said it was exciting with him not having feelings but with me it’s more, she wants to be with me. How does that make sense? Having a lot of sex with someone you don’t want to be with and barely any with someone you’re in a relationship with?

  40. My wife and I are now separated I wish I would have read this year’s ago I know this is what drove her away but then again it came true. She immediately got with someone when she left who was top of her friends list on Facebook which means they have a lot of activity even while we were together. I’m still so in love with her and it’s very hard to let go, she’s very immature and boy crazy. I was a virgin when we met and we were pregnant within a month, I married her a couple months later despite everyone telling me not to. She had been with at least 9 guys before me and she’s very flirty.(were early 20s) She was all mine for awhile and i really thought I had the perfect girl who I was meant to be with. we just didn’t work on things and I never got a chance to show how I’d change for her, she just cut all communication after a fight one night after being together 2 years and raising our little boy. I had no idea what was going on for 2 months until I get a call from her piece of garbage boyfriend telling me to leave my wife alone. Obviously I’m going to be messaging and calling her it’s my family the mother of my child. Shortly after she is trying to dump our child in DHS and give guardianship to her parents, all because that guy doesn’t want to move that fast. It’s ridiculous and this dude is less then me he’s a little twerp makeup wearing weirdo. But now we have started to talk and I’m praying something clicks and she realizes her family is more important then some loser. So when we met I was a virgin, to avoid looking dumb I lied and said I’d been with 2 other girls. She has probably been with way more than 10 other guys now and I feel like if she were to ask me, one time I told her the truth when she made me mad talking about some guy and she didn’t believe me so I played it off later on but she’s probably going to ask. Should I tell her the truth? I feel like that will make me seem desperate like that I think she’s all I can get or something. Or would she like that I’m all hers? I mean I’m gonna have to move on too after awhile I just want us to have a chance. I think even though she’s an idiot I am going to forgive her. Our marriage and family are more important then her daddy issues. She’s not a slut or anything I was not treating her right, she wouldn’t clean ever and didn’t work so I was very cold toward her just staying home watching TV and destroying the apartment while I work a full time job. She finally felt out of love enough to try and get away completely so I forgive her for the whole guy thing she’s just the type of girl who moves from guy to guy pretty quickly. Its just too early to decide divorce though. We never even took a night apart. No counseling no groups. It’s just not right for my son and I want him raised by his parents. She has really wrecked this but I just can’t seem to hate her I want her more than anything in the world. Thank you

    1. Annoymous says:

      I am blessed and honored to have found this site. My warmest most heartfelt thank you to you Jeff sir.

  41. Glen says:

    …what about this scenario…

    You meet a woman who you really enjoy. You are both adults with a past, and for the most part, you can accept that…even knowing that she had a wild & free sex life with men more successful than you. You both decide you are special to each other, and you both want to take it to the next level. As you both have had sex lives prior to meeting, interested in protecting your sexual health, you both get the full battery of STD tests – including HSV 1&2 IGGTest that IS NOT included in the standard STD testing (you ARE NOT tested for herpes unless you specifically ASK). You have always had protected sex with past partners, while she never did. The results come back: all of your tests read negative, while she has high positive genital genital herpes result. You love her & the past is the past. You comfort her and help her to feel whole and loved. At the same time, it begins to eat at you that you will never be able to enjoy a carefree, complete, spontaneous sex life with her as all the big shots before you did with her. Even when HSV outbreaks are not present, skin shedding of the virus is a risk – even if she takes Valtex every day. You are TRULY sleeping with every other person she has ever slept with…and to compound things, they are a class of people you dislike. This is my current reality. I can never show the woman I now love, spontaneous & unprotected physical affection without putting my sexual health at permanent risk. I am beyond clear that a bad case of genital herpes isn’t terminal, but it is a life-changer. I’ve never met anyone who would ask for it, nor anyone who has herpes who wished they didn’t have it. I love this woman dearly, but her past is literally right there with us every time we make love. Awesome, huh. Really trying to get around this – ideas? Similar experiences?

    1. mercy says:

      I only had a consult done with Jeff last week and I’m starting to see results already. I would recommend Jeff and his coaching to anyone out there looking for help, don’t waste any more time with other programs cause he’s the best.

  42. Glen says:

    Please consider this comment

  43. Carol says:

    After 2years together, my boyfriend left me because he couldn’t get over my past. I tried to save our relationship but nothing I said or did worked. Wish I’d found this website sooner… 🙁

  44. David says:

    Been searching for a site like for so long. Found out my girlfriend loved taking it up the arse twice a month for six months with guy. Then just left and hardly spoke.

  45. Chuma says:

    I was suffering from herpes std from one crazy bitch who slept with dozens of men. Stay away.

  46. Bernard says:

    Chumps the lot of you. Get a grip, she loves you now and doesn’t give a crap about guys she fucked.

  47. Sam says:

    How long will this take to get over? and stop thinking about the past?

  48. Santana says:

    This is such a crock of shit.

  49. linda jane says:

    After being in relationship with markiss for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there.

  50. Crl says:

    Eugh, dealing with this as well for over a year with my partner, it just doesn’t go away, ever. Its like a gut instinct that comes back just as strong the more I love.. Why are women so slutty these days?!

    1. Mr Truth says:

      To answer your question. Women also love sex A LOT!!

  51. John T says:

    There is another common characteristic that I find in almost all of the women that have a lot of sex with many different men. They are free spirits and they want to enjoy life to the fullest. Nevertheless, most women (and men) realise at one point the value and comfort of a serious committed relationship.

  52. Matt says:

    Just 20 minutes ago I went through my girlfriends phone and saw she messaged ex fuck buddy. I am in hell.

  53. Olly says:

    Easier said than done for sure..

  54. Robert says:

    I felt comfortable talking with my girlfriend about the fact she was having random sex with a guy at work. We were making progress. Then I flipped out when I found out she was sleeping with TWO guys at work, and I started shouting at her and she left. I will do all I can to get her back. Feel lost without her 🙁

  55. Jimmi says:

    OMG I feel like you’re inside my head. You nailed everything I’m going through.

  56. Sebastian says:

    How can one night stands be viewed as completely innocent events? That’s nonsense. If you are seeking a relationship of commitment, then relationships like one night stands which sex with no commitment is a threat to that. I do not agree one-night stands are innocent at all, it reals being easy insecure, selfish, thoughtless and unable to control lust for meaningful sex with a boyfriend or someone there is a emotional connection with. I could live with a girl having had sex with men where there was a genuine love and commitment, but one-night stands I think are disgusting…if you can have sex with such a low commitment and no love, how can someone who loves that person feel secure that she will not cheat because she has shown with actions that she sees sex as a expression of lust not a expression of love.

    The same applies to guys of cause and women are naive if they assume that a guy with a shallow past, will suddenly be committed with the past not playing a factor. Who we are is in part who we were and what we can hope to be, ues change is possible but its a tough and very painful process which is why so few do it.

  57. John Thomas Simpson says:

    drop that as quick as you can

  58. Chris B says:

    I Thank You Mr Billings because you helped get my life is back!!!

  59. Nathan says:

    My girl is back and am so Excited, My life became devastated when my girlfriend sent me packing, after 8 years of RJ that we have been together. I was lost and helpless after trying so many ways to make my girl take me back but I bought Jeff’s course and it and his coaching helped me sooooo much. I’m forever grateful thank u so much.

  60. Chris says:

    Hahahaha you guys kill me. Leave the beeatch!

  61. Churchill says:

    Solid advice. Good work Jeff.

  62. Larry says:

    I hope to save enough to buy your course Jeff.

  63. Barbara says:

    Recently found my partner of the past year has pretty much been a novice porn star. Gangbangs, multiple partners, public sex, bar room and bathroom sex and to top it off an occult group sex orgy thing. I mean…COME ON??? Things that should have been put on the table before it got serious. Being a lesbian couple doesn’t make it any easier as many think we are all this way to a degree anyway. I want to make it work but this is a lot to deal with. On top of this now I worry about health surprises.

  64. Ronald L says:

    Plagued for so long now by my wife’s slutty past I dont know if I’ll ever get over this.

  65. Debbie says:

    I lost my 10 years relationship last month. I dumped him because I couldn’t handle his slut shaming. Seek help guys before you ruin your relationship.

  66. Wayne says:

    Girl sleeps with 29 men. Girl meets boy. Girl tells boy about 29 men. Boy gets RJ. The End.

  67. Troubled guy says:

    I met my now wife when I was 24. I was a virgin and had never had a girlfriend. I always got plenty of female attention but always wanted to wait until I was married before having sex, so I hadn’t done anymore than kiss 4 girls.

    After my now wife and I first kissed she told me she had slept with 5 men. I was completely gobsmacked as i thought her number would have been 1 – she had been in a long term relationship for 6 yrs and was only 23 when we met.

    This has caused lots of problems throughout our relationship but she is the only woman I have ever loved and still do. We dated for ten years before getting married.

    I have mostly been able to force any thoughts of her past to the back of my mind until recently. We have been married for 5 years and have two beautiful children with another on the way, but for the last few months I have been consumed by images of her past relationships entering my mind. It almost seems like an obsession. I try to think about something else but my mind seems to be controlling any rational thoughts i might have.

    I can’t look at her without getting either angry or sad. I have struggled with this for 15 years but mostly kept it in the background. Atm, I feel almost paralysed. I can think of nothing else when I should be thinking of my pregnant wife and my beautiful children. Our marriage is on very shaky ground and my wife is distraught.

    I crave to know the details of who and why while knowing that this is entirely self destructive. I am rational enough to know that my behaviour is completely irrational but i can’t get through this.

    Has anyone else felt like this or had professional help?

    1. Jeff Billings says:

      Sorry to hear that! Your repetitive thoughts about your wife’s past is something you need to get a handle on if you don’t want it to ruin your marriage. Get in touch and we can talk about your options for recovery if you like:

  68. Colin says:

    Been suffering from RJ for 6 years now and it aint going anywhere.

  69. Shane says:

    I don’t buy this. Women who sleep around should be trated as the sluts they are.

  70. Keith says:

    Iam getting better slowly thanks you your course Jeff/ Thank you.

  71. Stuart says:

    Great post Jeff.

  72. Mia says:

    I always thought my jealousy would go away over time but it doens’t. If anything it’s getting worse. Help!!

  73. Byron says:

    If anyone on here is wondering whether to buy Jeff’s book, GO FOR IT. It helped squash my jealousy really quickly. You won’t regret it,

  74. Paula says:

    Trying to find out why my boy friend is treating me this way. This post has been an eye opener, thanks

  75. Marlon says:

    I see a lot whining on here. Best to just suck it up and get on with life or you’ll drive yourselves crazy.

  76. Monica says:

    After being in relationship with him for 3 years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all other ones out there.

  77. Jason says:

    Jokers on this page. . like seriously your upset your girl screwed 2 dudes? 10? 50? Who cares?!?!!?

  78. Tariq says:

    Еvery wеekend i used tօ pay a visit this website, it has help me so much with getting over my girl friend past.

  79. Victor says:

    This blows any site about retrograde jealousy out the water. Hands down. Good Work!!

  80. Leland says:

    What can I do to get my mind off the thoughts when they enter my mind? They come in and then I can’t get rid of them no matter what i do. ..

  81. Ozz says:

    I just want to go back to before I knew about her past. I was fine then. Nothing’s changed in our relationship, she’s great, but now I know what happened I can’t get it out my head. I just want to go back to not knowing. Is that possible?

  82. Les says:

    I found this site through reddit retroactive jealousy thread and looks like I need look no further for info on this subject. A big thank you to whoever put this all together.

  83. Jupiter says:

    Right now I feel better just after reading this. Probably go back to hating her past in half an hour but right now I feel good. Weird.

  84. Meghan says:

    So many stupid comments on here from you stupid men. So it’s okay for you to sleep with 100s of women and have 3somes ONS etc but we’re not? Idiots.

  85. Frances says:

    Has anyone on here bought Jeff’s book or had coaching? Does it work? I’m at my wits end and ready to give it a go I think.

  86. Kenny says:

    Wow so much hate toward women on here. It’s the 21st century dudes…

  87. Freddie says:

    I have noticed that most of the comments on here are either “Why are you with that slut?” or “Thanks Jeff I feel so much better.” Don’t know what side I’m on yet. Peace

  88. Matty says:

    Smokin post Jeff 🙂

  89. JD says:

    Ԍreat.. So now I’m suppose to believe all this is normal – she can bang as many guys as she wants and it’s all ok. right..

  90. Sick of Double Standards says:

    Why isn’t there an article like this about a BOYFRIEND’S sexual past? Why is it acceptable for “modern, liberated” women to act like complete whores but not for men?

  91. Ross D. says:

    Everything you write Jeff resonates with me so much. I only just discovered your site so I’ve got a lot of reading to do 🙂

  92. James says:

    Every morning when I wake up my girlfriends past is the first thing I think about. Then it hangs around in my mind all day and is the last thing I think of before I close my eyes. What kind of madness is this? I’m otherwise a successful guy, handsome, plenty of ex girlfriends, women find me attractive, I earn more than most and yet I’m plagued by this shit day in and day out. It needs to stop but I don’t know how.

  93. Tival says:

    Ι was able to find good advice from your content. Thanks jeff sir.

  94. Yannick says:

    I tell you what bothers me: knowing some guy has taken my girl up the arse. I know too many details and its killing me.

  95. Manny says:

    I love this site. Straight talking no BS on how to get over RJ. Thanks Jeff!

  96. Johnny says:

    Do you do discounts on your book? I can’t afford it right now but want to buy.

  97. Anna says:

    This sums up my boyfriend to a T.

  98. Viola says:

    I’m gay and this blog has helped me get over my girlfriend’s past so much. Just wanted to put that out there 🙂

  99. Bo says:

    I’m from China and there is no information on this at all in where I come from. Would like to know more please.

  100. Asmov says:

    Four to five guys in two months before we met…. So hard to move past this.

  101. Ravi says:

    Girls who put it about getting drunk on weekends and sleeping with whoever they like are just whores and desreve everything they get.

  102. Charlie says:

    I see you make some great points Jeff but right now I’m worried I’ll never get over this…

  103. Kevin says:

    Whats the fastest anyone has gotten over this? I need it to end like yesterday. . Driving me nuts.

  104. Yval says:

    Awesome website. Very much enjoyed reading your take on girl’s past. Thx.

  105. Nico says:

    Is it just me or do these feelings only seem to get worse with time not better?

  106. Jack says:

    I’m really loving the content on this blog. Your posts about women and how they’re feeling and why they have casual sex has helped me so much.

  107. Jared says:

    I recently found out my wife once went down on a guy in a club bathroom and then went home with a different guy ON THE SAME NIGHT. And you thought you had it bad? Hahaha.

  108. Shaun says:

    You deserve a medal mate. Saved my relationship no lie. THANK YOU.

  109. Terry says:

    People on here complaining more than remoaners over brexit. She had sex. Get over it.

  110. Delia says:

    It’s not just men who suffer from rj of their gf’s sexual past. I have it with my bf – he’s slept with well over 100 women but won’t tell me how many.

  111. Del Boy says:

    If you know of any man who’s got over girlfriend having sex with 12 guys in 2 wks pls let me know.

  112. Oscar says:

    Hola Jeff from Barcelona. I want to say thank u for help me my rj much better.

  113. Paul E says:

    Уou really mɑke it seem so easy with this post but I feel like I will never get over this.

  114. Casey says:

    u guys r jokers.. Get a grip and dump the bitch if u cant handle d truth. .

  115. Iggy says:

    Reading these comments bothers me.

  116. Lucky Devil says:

    Right before reading this I was ready to give up but now I feel like I can see the wood for the trees. Thank you Jeff, I will be buying your course or getting coaching from you as soon as I get paid.

  117. Thomas says:

    Great post! Bookmarked for my fight against retroactive jealousy 🙂

  118. Brandon says:

    Hey I have a really good question. So I have extreme radioactive jealousy ocd. My current girlfriend and I have amazing sex together and I love her but what keeps me up at night is that she is still friends with every guy she has ever slept with and tons of them constantly text her asking for sex. I have this rage burning inside of me that wants me to beat every single one of them up when they text her. I feel like I want to leave her but I have fallen in love with her and her son. She tells me that I’m the only person going to be having sex with her but I feel like my subconscious is telling me it is a lie. I always want to be with her and in scared when I’m not with her because she hangouts with the guys she has slept with before. Please help me

    1. Well I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much about having retroactive jealousy as it sounds like she’s being quite insensitive if she’s still texting and hanging out with guys she’s slept with in the past. Feel free to drop me a line at jeff [at] retroactivejealousycrusher [dot] com and we’ll work out some strategies.


  119. Ki22 says:

    My gf has slept with around 30 guys, fooled around with my brother. And some of these guys are still in her circle of friends. All of these things make me sick to my stomach. I think about this many times a day, every single day. We fight alot and from my point of view some of the fighting actually comes from these things. She is also moving away in one month for a year on the other side of the country (i live in Sweden btw). What do I do?

  120. Luke says:

    Im 25, I already knew my girlfriend of 9 months had more sexual experience than me, I’ve only been with one other person, and my girlfriend is a little older so I kind of expected it going in. She’s been with four guys, and I’m fine with that. The problem is that about 2 years before I met her, she let a guy she had been friends with for one week have anal sex with her while using sex toys on her. Its so out of keeping with her character as shes very chill and generally pretty inexperienced in life, and yet I cant stop picturing it. It doesnt help that she still has (non-sexual) photos of her with this guy (she doesnt talk to him anymore), he’s dramatically better looking than I am, and she insists that he’s a ‘good guy’. Is this at all a common thing for a girl to do? I cant find anything on any of these websites about dealing with that kind of a past.

  121. Helpme says:

    When we were in high school, my girlfriend went behind my back to be with my former best friend instead because I was too busy with academics, inter-school sports competitions, and managing our school paper. To be fair, the guy were obsessed with her and gave her a lot of presents as he came from a rich family. I used the word obsessed because even when she wanted to end the relationship early on and a lot of times later on, he would threaten her that he will end his life, and the guy’s mother even talked to her just to stay with her son. When I mention the past to her, she would say she regrets everything because she didn’t even really love the guy, she just felt like she had no other choice but to own up to her decision of abandoning me. At some point, she thought she learned to loved him but when trying times came she realized that she really can’t. After more than a year, they broke up and she reconnected with me. Now we’ve been together for four years and everything still hunts me. The worst they did for a handful of times was cunnilingus and they even tried anal at 14. We started off as fuck buddies and the first time we did it, she cried and said that she wouldn’t let me keep her out of my life again.we did everything already but it still gets me down, amplifies my insecurity that even when we were together before, she left me for another guy. I came from a broken family, my mom left my dad for another guy. My father was a mess and died a few years after their separation. I don’t want to be like my father, that’s why I always ask my girlfriend if she really loves me. I just want to get over this.

  122. Will says:

    Hi Jeff.
    My wife died 5 weeks ago and it may seem strange but I’m having these thoughts. I was sometimes insecure during our relationship and worried that she’d had a more varied and enjoyable sexual past than the sexual present she had with me. I was also a little jealous of it having had less experience than her myself. However, we fell in love and I got over it.
    Now she’s died these feelings of inadequacy have returned and I wonder if she was completely happy with me. I’m sure I’m just being paranoid and the grief is clouding what we had which I know deep down was real love and very special.
    It’s still hard not to have these jealous thoughts and they keep me awake at night.
    Thanks for reading, Will.

  123. Charles says:

    Been married for 18 years now and I’ve recently gone back to obsessing over two guys my wife had sex with before we met. Is this normal? I don’t think so. I need help.

  124. Marky Mark says:

    Free your mind and your ass will follow.

  125. Alvin says:

    Any one else think you’re all a bunch of pussies. Get a grip for crying out loud. She had a past, YOU had a past, so frickin what??!?!

  126. Will says:

    This is a great blog.
    Thanks – I can get to work on my rjealosy now.

  127. Your Homey says:

    You make some very good points here. Been trawling Reddit and verious conversations about RJ and this is the best I’ve found.

  128. Andres says:

    My problem is that I was raised in a culture and upbringing that reinforced the notion that men are naturally promiscuous whereas women have to use that vice to their advantage. In other words, since it’s so easy to get with men, respectable women would be aware of that and they would only sleep with someone who commits to them physically and spiritually. My girlfriend, whom I love dearly, is an astonishing person. However she doesn’t seem to fit the vision of a respectable woman that’s so deeply rooted into my mind. I’ve gained insight to my gf’s past based on what she’s told me and although I can rationalize her four sexual encounters as innocent, unfortunate, and normal I can’t get myself to feel the same way. I’m not sure if this is retroactive jealousy or simply a clash of moralities and cultures. I don’t have an extensive sexual history at all.

  129. Barry Obamy says:

    She did it with seven guys while at college which I guess isn’t much but I can’t get it out of my head. This site is bookmarked tho, so glad i found it.

  130. Larry says:

    I think you people need to get out more.

  131. Desperate says:

    Hi I’m 26 and I’ve been married for 6 years, I have a loving and faithful wife and 2 kids, when ever we first got together, and started dating she was completely honest with me about how meany people she had slept with (20) in her count, when ever she first told me I was shocked, because I had never had sex before, we was both 18. She went on to tell me she had also been molested at a young age and, then went down a dark path of drugs, sex, and drinking, even to the point in which she was raped, she never stopped even though now she says she never injoyed it, and that it was more of a drunkin fuck , and more of being forced then willing. Until she had gotten with me at first I was to worry about coving up my end. I didn’t want to be seen as this inexperience person, I wanted to try and relate to her is someway, so I lied, I said I had slept with 3 others. (Witch I end up telling her the truth about a few months later.) when ever things started to become serious, after about a year of dating. she had gotten pregnant, then that’s when all of this started. I felt trapped, at first then the images started running though my head over and over, of her and other guys. I put it in the past when my son was born. Well now 7 years later it’s all surfaceing again, she’s been seeking help to better herself. Because she finds her past quite damaging, she wants me to be there for her, she has also told me that our sex life is great, but sometime she feels like she did so meany years ago. But I just can’t relate to her lifestory. In my eyes why would you continue to put yourself through that. It pisses me off when ever she begins to talk about her past, call it whatever you will. But I don’t look at my wife the same way these days and I don’t know if I ever will. Will there ever be a fix to this? or will our relationship away be like this?

  132. Dante says:

    Well as I agree with what you wrote, I still find it hard to get over what goes through my head. My sons mother and I been together for 3 years now and we been apart once or twice due to relationship problems. I went on to date someone else for about a month when we broke up and she was furious about it. I told her being with her was always frustrating and we caused each other a lot of grief. While I dated someone, she would leave the house at night and sometimes not come back until the next day. I was oblivious as to what she was going out to do. We were still living together but separate. She left a few weeks after our break up to live somewhere else in town. My relationship with the other girl ended as quickly as I met her. Devastated that I lost two people in a months time I left town and was gone for 4 months for technical schooling. My heart just couldn’t let my sons mom go so easily since I still loved her. I came back to town and asked her to be with me one last time o make things right. I told her my situations and and feelings and became completely opened. I asked her if she was with anyone else after I left and she said no. Well 5 months later I went through one of her old phones and discovered she slept with two men who were complete strangers off a hook up one night stand app. She videos of herself being sexual and body pictures and sent it to them. She has never done such a thing with me before, and like you said jealously was fueling my emotions. She had sex once with one guy and e times with the other. That explained the nights she went out on. She not only lied to me but kept a secret that bothered me so much. I never thought shed do such things. I fussed at her for it and just lost myself emotionally. Now I can’t look at her the same anymore and these flashes of her being with those other men angered me. It taunts me everyday. And we hadn’t been near each other for a while now. She tells me sorry. But it doesn’t help.

  133. Jim H says:

    My story..
    Dated a girl who was 19 at the time. She was a Virgin and insisted on me being her first. I was… After a few months she moved 5 hrs away. After being away and staying in touch, she started telling me she wasn’t the innocent girl anymore and told me of intimate things she was doing.. I got discusted after 3 months and stopped contact. We reconnected a year and a half later when she moved back home. We immediately started up a relationship. After reconnecting and getting to know her again she would constantly talk about being broke and would “tease” about being a sugar baby, dancer or stripper… As time went on signs of promiscuity started to surface as well as suspicions of being and escort or sugar-baby.. the end result was me finding 8 sugarbaby, seeking arraingenents or escort type websites with her profile..
    the confrontation ensued with denials of course and indications of 2 lovers in the 1.5 years away.. that number slowly increased to 4, then 7 and now we are at 8. She stated only 1 of the 8 was considered a boyfriend, but she never randomly hooked up in bars or had one night stands. She eventually admitted to providing sex in exchange for money with a “John” from a website. Literally, pictures exchanged (cock pics) and the meet in a hotel, $ provided and sex given. (I’m sick typing this). She stated she was in a bad place in her life and only did it once. She stated that after she cried and felt ashamed and never did it again. . She said after that she vowed to change and value herself and intimacy more. She started dating a few months later (her first boyfriend). And indicated she stayed in the monogamous relationship until we reconnected. She constantly reinforced that all her promiscuity was before the escort incident. And she has not been with anyone since we reconnected. We have been together 7 months now and this is just coming out. In addition, she has since told me about two drunken one night stands with men from a local bar… sex in the parking lot, parked car that happened after we reconnected and were intimate..
    obviously, I’m extremely upset and every conceivable image of her performing for these men are consuming my mind… obviously i doubt the truth and believe there are many other “johns” and random one night stands… How do you believe when it was lied about from day one..
    In the 1.5 years apart she was a literal “Whore”.
    I’m disgusted…

    I care about this woman and trying to understand, forget and continue the relationship.. it’s only been a few days since discovering these things but it consumes me…. she is 22 now.
    I’ve asked her for the truth about more men, she gets angry and says “I told you”, there are no more..


  134. SHELLY DENT says:

    After being in relationship with him for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, ..that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there.

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