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Extreme Jealousy Disorder In Relationships: Retroactive Jealousy



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by Jeff Billings in Retroactive Jealousy Blog
October 13, 2016

Is retroactive jealousy an extreme jealousy disorder? And if so, what can you do about it? 

Here are some typical quotes from retroactive jealousy sufferers I receive on a regular basis:

“My boyfriend is undoubtedly suffering from RJ and it is causing us all sorts of hell.”

“I guess I can’t get over his past because I really have OCD and an OCD brain.”

“I feel lost. I feel hopeless. I feel like I cant let it go. I feel like our marriage is ruined by my inability to handle it.”

As someone who used to suffer from retroactive jealousy myself, these quotes all ring true with me. (Here’s a retroactive jealousy definition.)

I definitely considered my inability to get over my girlfriend’s sexual past to be an extreme jealousy disorder.

But was I right?

The problem is there’s not a great deal of information out there regarding retroactive jealousy as an extreme jealousy disorder.

So, this post includes:

  • an extreme jealousy disorder definition
  • a quiz to help you ascertain if your RJ is an extreme jealousy disorder
  • how to beat retroactive jealousy if it is an extreme jealousy disorder

What Is An Extreme Jealousy Disorder?


Everyone gets a little jealous from time to time — like if you see your partner checking someone else out on the street — and this is perfectly normal.

However, this can sometimes develop into an extreme jealousy disorder in which fleeting jealous thoughts and emotions turn into repetitive jealous thoughts and emotions.

These repetitive jealous thoughts and emotions, can then lead to repetitive jealous actions, and this is where the trouble starts.

All hell breaks loose as the sufferers sense of rationality fades and their behaviors become more extreme and unacceptable.

All of this, of course, applies equally well to retrospective jealousy as “normal” jealousy.

So, let’s see if your retroactive jealousy has developed into an extreme jealousy disorder, or is in danger of doing so.

If it transpires that you do in fact suffer from an extreme jealousy disorder, we’ll then take a look at what you can do to overcome it.

The Retroactive Jealousy/Extreme Jealousy Disorder Quiz


Make a note of which letter you answer for each question, and then refer to the scoring chart at the end.

This will tell you if your retrograde jealousy could develop into, or already is, an extreme jealousy disorder.

Question 1

Your partner tells you a story about their past sex life — one-night-stands, f*** buddies, threesomes, etc. How do you react?

A: Struggle to keep your eyes from drifting to the TV.
B: Nonchalantly change the subject as soon as you can.
C: Start to feel anxious and a bit angry, like you’ve been cheated on.
D: Call them a man whore/slut and march into the bathroom to throw up.

Question 2

How often do you think about your partner’s past?

A: Only if it happens to come up in conversation.
B: Once in a while, but it’s hardly at the forefront of my mind.
C: At least a few times a day.
D: It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing before I go to sleep.

Question 3

You’re in a bar one evening with your partner and they point out their ex or casual sex buddy across the room. What do you do?

A: Ask to be introduced. It’d be fun rubbing this ex’s face in your relationship.
B: Mutter something about a “small world” and change the subject.
C: Get super uncomfortable and quiz your partner about this ex-lover.
D: Drag your partner out the bar, demanding they never go back there.

Question 4

How much time a day do you spend trawling the internet searching for information on retroactive jealousy?

A: What’s retroactive jealousy?
B: I was about to once but got sidetracked by a cat video.
C: Sometimes late at night when my partner’s gone to bed.
D: I seem to get lost online in a retroactive jealousy wormhole every day.

Question 5

How many times have snooped through your partner’s personal belongings, such as email, Facebook, cell phone, etc.?

A: Er, never.
B: I’ve been tempted, but managed to resist.
C: A few times, but it’s not something I’m proud of.
D: All the time. I can’t help myself.

Question 6

Your partner mentions that they’ll be going to a party this weekend and their ex or former f*** buddy will be there. What do you do?

A: Tell them to have a great time — you’ll probably be in bed by the time they get back.
B: Ask them for more details about this ex-lover.
C: Passive-aggressively tell them to go if they want, then stay up all night stewing.
D: Start a row by demanding they don’t step with a five mile radius of the party.

Question 7

After a couple of glasses of wine one evening, your partner starts telling you a “funny story” involving an ex-lover. How do you react?

A: Exclaim you want to meet this ex because they sound like a riot.
B: Nod along politely and laugh in all the right places.
C: Go all quiet and weird as your brain goes into overdrive.
D: Accuse them of still having feelings for this ex-lover, get up and leave.

Question 8

How often have you interrogated your partner about their dating and/or sexual history?

A: Um, never…
B: I’ve wanted to ask a few unnecessary questions, but managed to bite my lip.
C: A few times, but then I’m guaranteed to feel 100x worse afterwards.
D: All the time. I don’t understand why they always get so defensive.

Question 9

How often do you put your partner down and try to make them feel bad about their past?

A: No. Why would I?
B: I think I may have made a sarcastic comment once or twice.
C: I’m not proud of this, but quite often. Once or twice a month maybe?
D: Every other day. I feel a need to punish them that I can’t control.

Question 10

While your partner’s on Facebook, you notice an ex or former casual sex buddy in their friends list. What do you do?

A: Ask your partner what they want for lunch.
B: Take note but refrain from asking them anything about it.
C: Feel threatened and quiz them on why they feel the need to stay in touch.
D: Freak out and demand they delete this ex or else.

Question 11

Do you suffer from repetitive “mini-movies” involving your partner and their ex-lover(s)?

A: I don’t think about my partner with their ex, let alone in a mini-movie.
B: No, because I just choose not to go there.
C: Yes, quite often.
D: Yes, all the time. They even have credits.

Extreme Jealousy Disorder

Question 12

Have you ever considered any of the following due to your partner’s past?: tracking down their ex-lover and confronting them, breaking up, cheating to bump up your number of sexual partners, seeing a psychiatrist, harming yourself or someone else.

A: Absolutely not.
B: No, not really.
C: Yes, one or two.
D: Nearly all of them.

Now tot up your score using the chart below:

Mainly A’s: Total Jealousy Immunity

You don’t even suffer from “regular” jealousy let alone an extreme jealousy disorder. Not sure why you took the test.

In fact, to not show any signs of jealousy, ever, could be conceived as a little odd by your partner.

I would ask yourself if you’re just super immune to any form of jealousy, or if you really care about who you’re with.

Mainly B’s: Healthy Jealousy

Everyone gets a little jealous sometimes and this is perfectly normal.

A hint of jealousy when you hear that your partner once had a great time with someone else in the past is a normal, healthy reaction. It shows that you care.

Your jealousy, however, is at a healthy level because you experience it only in reaction to evidence.

You’re able to adjust your reactions according to the evidence presented, which means it’s rational and considered.

Mainly C’s: Extreme Jealousy Disorder (Low Level)

You’re suffering from retroactive jealousy that’s operating as a low-level extreme jealousy disorder.

The problem here is that you’re hung up on your partner’s past even though they’re probably telling you you’re all they care about.

In other words, your jealousy has slipped from healthy into irrational because you’re anxious over something without reason or evidence.

Your mind has created a perceived rival to your partner’s affections who is no longer on the scene and this irrationality is in danger of developing into a high-level extreme jealousy disorder.

Whether it does or not, your repetitive, negative thoughts, emotions and actions are causing you and your partner unnecessary heartache.

You could be suffering from a mild form of retroactive jealousy OCD, and so it’s important to read the section below on how to overcome an extreme jealousy disorder.

Mainly D’s: Extreme Jealousy Disorder (High Level)

Unfortunately, your retroactive jealousy has developed into a high-level extreme jealousy disorder that’s probably threatening your relationship.

In medical terms, your retroactive jealousy could be described as “morbid” or “pathological”.

This is because your retroactive jealousy OCD means you’re no longer able to control unreasonable thoughts and emotions, to the point where they’re overwhelming your everyday life.

These thoughts and actions are leading to frequent unreasonable actions that you’re also unable to control, despite knowing they’re harming your relationship.

The highly irrational and obsessive nature of an extreme jealousy disorder means it can be tough to beat, but far from impossible, as we’ll get to below.

How To Overcome An Extreme Jealousy Disorder


I’m living proof that at extreme jealousy disorder can be conquered in a fairly short amount of time.

I struggled with overcoming retroactive jealousy myself for many, many months, but managed to beat it once and for all.

I did this by working on myself via a set of certain mind hacks and practical exercises, which I later developed into a retroactive jealousy book.

Here are some of the key things you should be doing if you want to beat an extreme jealousy disorder.

Accept that you have an extreme jealousy disorder

Rather than blindly carrying on as you are, making yourself and your partner miserable, the first thing you need to do is accept that you have this condition and that you want to do something about it.

A good place to start might be to seek out professional help, or sign up with me for retroactive jealousy therapy, or download my course.

These are all definite actions that will get you started on the road to recovery, rather than spending months going over and over the same problems and scenarios in your head.

Understand your extreme jealousy disorder

In my book and course, I lay out the basic causes for retroactive jealousy, how and why it operates within all of us.

This includes a look at what retroactive jealousy is at its core, and how negative, repetitive thoughts and emotions are generated.

It’s important to also understand the role played by our evolutionary history, free will, and the ego in formulating an extreme jealousy disorder.

Knowing these things is important because it helps relieve some of the burden from “This is all my fault — I’m a terrible human being” to “This is perfectly natural and not necessarily all my fault”.

Finally, it’s crucial to be able to understand exactly what emotions you’re feeling and why.

This is because a large part of the reason why you’re hung up on your partner’s past is because you’re expending so much mind space trying to figure out what’s going on.

It’s this confusion that’s keeping your extreme jealousy disorder alive and causing you to keep taking unreasonable and destructive actions.

Extreme Jealousy Disorder

Take action against your extreme jealousy disorder

As I say in all my products, it’s only by taking action that you’ll ever get anywhere with trying to beat a retroactive jealousy disorder.

Now, there are helpful practical actions and there are unhelpful practical actions.

Unhelpful practical actions include:

  • writing imaginary letters to yourself and your partner
  • thought exercises involving making images bigger, smaller, brighter, dimmer, etc.
  • talking things out with your partner about their past and how you feel about it
  • rituals such as writing an ex lover’s name on a piece of paper and burning it
  • cheating on your partner to gain more sexual experience and be “on the same level”
  • breaking up with them (your RJ will only return with someone new)

I’ve tried all but the last two of these things and, trust me, they don’t work.

My course, book and coaching, however, will show you the only helpful practical exercises you’ll ever need to end your extreme jealousy disorder.

Retroactive jealousy is rarely about the things we think — i.e. the actual images that recur in the mind.

It’s almost always about something else — our reaction to information about our partner’s past triggers something inside us, be it fear, trust issues, lack of self confidence and so on.

Logic seems to fall by the wayside when suffering from an extreme jealousy disorder.

This is because this the emotions associated with it, such as fear, judgment and envy, are coming from a very primeval part of the brain that dates back to caveman times.

A great proportion of retroactive jealousy sufferers also lack a little self confidence.

Here’s a quick imaginary scenario to find out if this is the case: 

Close your eyes and imagine yourself as a super confident individual.

Imagine you’re able to walk up to whoever you like in a bar and get their phone number.

You’re able to hold a speech in front of five hundred people.

And tell anyone who’s rude to you exactly what you think of them with a witty putdown.

Hold that feeling of power and authority for a moment…

Now imagine a person from your partner’s past. Do they bother you as much?

Do You Really Want To Go On Suffering From An Extreme Jealousy Disorder?


Or do you want to beat it?

Why not make today the first day of your victory in dealing with retroactive jealousy?

Surely you’ve wasted enough time thinking about this meaningless stuff already?

Here’s a link to my testimonials page in which you can read customers reviews, like this one from Josh (not his real name):

“I am so thankful for this purchase. It not only saved my relationship, but it saved my time, and my eternal happiness. I can’t believe I can say that I know I am going to overcome this jealousy that has plagued my mind.”

I’d be happy to chat (for free) with you if you want to discuss how to overcome jealousy of an ex.

Drop me a line at jeff [at] retroactivejealousycrusher [dot] com any time.

My jealousy over my girlfriend’s sexual history used to be a pretty bad extreme jealousy disorder. But now I don’t dwell on it all. And she’s so happy I took the steps required to find a retroactive jealousy cure.

If you need retroactive jealousy help, you’re not alone. I’m here to help.

Extreme Jealousy Disorder



— Jeff

  1. Linda says:

    I scored manly Cs.

  2. Pingback: Home Boy
  3. Paddy says:

    Thank you. Very useful info on RJ I’d not heard before anywhere else.

  4. Donny says:

    Should I be concerned about my girlfriend having slept with over 30 guys?? She’s 22.

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